caffeine_dude wrote:3000 what?

3000 posts

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

caffeine_dude wrote:3000 what?

where's your bus?

An older man and a young boy are walking through the woods one dark night. The boy looks up at that man and says "This is scary!". The man replies "You're telling me! I have to walk out of here alone."

mikenet1 wrote:3000 posts

3000 post?

A woman is sitting on the couch watching TV. Her husband gets home and walks in the door with a sheep under his arm.

The husband says "Honey....I'd like to introduce you to the pig I've been f-ing."

The wife replies...."You numbskull...that's not a pig...that's a sheep".

The husband replies..."Shut up....I wasn't talking to you".

suppose there were no hypothetical situations...

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper who sold his soul to Santa?

caffeine_dude wrote:3000 post?

did u miss the coffee maker?

Are you sexually active?

No, I just lie there.

Two neutrons walk into a bar and order a couple of pints of lager. The first neutron goes for his wallet and the barman says, "It's OK, there's no charge...."

Nodwick wrote:Condoms and fishing poles. The theme is "catch those little swimmers."

Brilliant!

mikenet1 wrote:3000 posts

i knew 3000 post n thought id help but please you will not even hit 2000

at least i got my b a g o f c r a p

A guy enters a clock and watch shop. While browsing, he notices a drop dead gorgeous female clerk behind the counter. He walks up to the counter where she is standing, unzips his pants, pulls out his member and and places it on the counter. She asks,"What are you doing, Sir?" He replied, "This is a clock shop, I would like 2 hands and a face put on this!"

Two atoms were walking down the street. The first one says "Once my flower grew I think I just lost an electron!" The second replies, "Are you positive?"

Just checking what color my box is, nothing to see here.

Q. How do you make George Bush's eyes light up?

A. Shine a flashlight in his ear.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?

What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

caffeine_dude wrote:3000 what?

3000 people asking "What?"

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

Q: What is the best sex position to have an ugly baby?

A: Ask your mom.

Is the Woot-Off still over?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

A skeleton walks into a bar, and says to the bartender. "I'll have a beer and a mop."

Anyone know any really good Bush jokes or any good sites to find 'em?

So a nun's in the bath and the doorbell's ringing incessantly. She calls out to ask who it is.

'Blind man!', comes the reply. She decides it's not worth getting dressed; surely there's no shame if he can't see? She answers the door.

'Crackin' ticks! GET THEM OFF! HURRY!, love! Now where do you want these blinds?'

wootme18 wrote:Anyone know any really good Bush jokes or any good sites to find 'em?

W is President!

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a stick of anal deodorant. The pharmacist is a bit confused, and tells him they have never stocked such an item. The man insists that it's what he's been using every day for years.

So the man heads home and brings his old deodorant back with him. The pharmacist looks at the label: "Push up bottom to use"

A question for those in the know...
I frequently notice n00bs getting smacked down when complaining
about not being able to buy (usually a bop) in the forums, someone
will point out that while having > 200 posts, the person has never
actually made a purchase from woot!

Where does one go to see how many purchases another user has made?

wootme18 wrote:Anyone know any really good Bush jokes or any good sites to find 'em?

just watch Leno, he's on in 10 min

wootme18 wrote:Anyone know any really good Bush jokes or any good sites to find 'em?

sex bush?


your kidding right.

George bush is not dumb. He just made 150 billion dollars disappear into his stock portfolio with big oil companies and the democrats just clamored to give it to him.

STIMULUS PACKAGE.

I wish george bush was working for us, instead of big oil.

A boy goes trick or treating on halloween dressed as a pirate.

He gets to a house and nice woman says: "Oh what an adorable little pirate. Where are your buccaneers?"

The boy pauses with a perplexed look on his face. Then he responds: "In my buckin' hat."

Noooooooooooooooooooooo! I've been wanting one of these forever and they are sold out!!!! I almost bought one for $20 at Walgreens! Bring more Woot!!!

somehow I was put on probation for a comment I made that they said bypassed the filter... how did that happen? I feel so dirty :'-(

diputsur wrote:A question for those in the know...
I frequently notice n00bs getting smacked down when complaining
about not being able to buy (usually a bop) in the forums, someone
will point out that while having > 200 posts, the person has never
actually made a purchase from woot!

Where does one go to see how many purchases another user has made?

the color of your square in your post.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us died of tuberculosis.

nice

diputsur wrote:A question for those in the know...
I frequently notice n00bs getting smacked down when complaining
about not being able to buy (usually a bop) in the forums, someone
will point out that while having > 200 posts, the person has never
actually made a purchase from woot!

Where does one go to see how many purchases another user has made?

Well we can tell approximately by the color of the square next to your name