In accordance with the Woot policy that all have a right to a Smartpost-speedy trial and verdict, we hereby sentence you to a five minute perusal of the results of our contest 220, in which we asked the prosecutors to show us scenes from a prison run by Woot.com. Let us begin with Exhibit #1, shall we?
Exhibit #1 - $100
ActorTom - Leakatraz
Every high tide, the screeching sounds are just horrible. Yep, there's something strange about this island...
Exhibit #2 - $50
LTU99 - The Big Scary Roomba Warden
As it happens, the warden is quite fond of very wide hallways, as well as these finely tailored matching uniforms. The work details wear a certain blue combo, and the guards' uniforms have a crimson coloring- it covers the bloodstains.
Exhibit #3 - $20
teamlook - Solitary Confinement
Not everything about our prison is all sunny and exercisoidal, though- some of the hard cases spend their time alone...
There are a few experimental Woot prisons, as shown in the following exhibits 4-14 (seriously, you weren't expecting this charade to continue forever, did you?)
Xexus - Single Con Prison
One Cell One Con One Day, what a deal! Somewhere nearby, the Woot prison bus is about to deliver the prisoner for his term.
ace101081 - shiv
By company charter, smuggling falls under shipping and would still be $5.
jmdoering -refurb prisoner
Ah, tedious work by a lifer! no wonder there are so many Sansas available!
Stavius - Woot.com Prison Cafeteria
"Bacon salts? Are you freaking kidding me?" -Someone better watch this man.
shepscrook - Cleanest prison ever
Hmm. is that Mel Gibson pushing that broom? Got to make certain the Woot floor shows up in all the publicity photos!
bradcrc - Flash Drive Maximum Security
Yeah, yeah, we know what's inside your overcoats. put 'em back on.
Oooh! such potential for this chop! Alas, he refused the help of all who tried to get him into an alias-free productive life, and clean from the jaggies that put him in solitary to begin with.
Money winners, please email your Paypal info to email@example.com. Monkey Prize winner, please email your shipping address to firstname.lastname@example.org. We must take a brief moment to remind new monkey prize winners who have yet to receive their new best friends, that you are NOT to feed them pistachios. Even the Woot pistachios are a potential problem. Let's just say that the shells of the pistachio are very, very hard, and in practice take a long, long time to, um, biodegrade. While that may not seem an issue, anyone who has visited the monkey house at their local zoo may understand that injury could well ensue. Honorable Mentioneers may use coupon code HONMEN-FS for free shipping on a future order. Until next time, remember, that the America which has contracted with Woot to run their prisons has also made certain that all detainees are kept outside the United States of America, so we have no problem using our Animatronic Elvii as prison doctors, or leaving miscreants in The Zune Room for a few days. or weeks.