WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Presenting the first in a series of probing debates on the least controversial issues of our time. For this installment of Point/Otherpoint, Jason Toon and Scott Lydon ponder the future of the men's undershirt.

Put It On by Jason Toon

A gentlemen always remains discreet on certain matters. The precise contours of his nipples. The density of his chest hair. The moisture pooling under his arms and down his back. The racist chest tattoos he received in prison. (Hey, you don't know what it's like in there. You have to get with your own kind to survive.)

For this, he relies on the humble undershirt. Like the best personal valet, it's there when he needs it and invisible when he doesn't. Hidden safely behind the cotton curtain, his nauseating intimacies cannot damage his social standing, offend his peers, or chase off the chicks. Whatever goes on under there, it'll be their little secret. No undershirt ever wrote a tell-all memoir or sold its master's secrets to the tabloid press. Its heart is true; it's a pal and a confidant.

In the spirit of discretion, I'll pass lightly over the nipple-chafing issue, saying only this: it sucks to have chafed nipples. A gentleman should not have to choose between papillar comfort and his cherished burlap guayabera.

When it comes to displays of conspicuous consumption, an undershirt is perhaps the least vulgar way to say "We both know I'm better than you." Haven't I the right to enjoy the fruits of my spectacular natural talent and my unerring instinct for excellence? Anyone who doesn't approve is invited to get his own undershirts and watch the positive effect it will have on his bearing and manner. As it happens, I know a wonderful source of undershirts that I'd be glad to share. It's called Target.

Now, this apologia should not be misconstrued as an endorsement of wearing an undershirt as an overshirt anywhere outside a basketball court. But we, as a society, also frown on those who wear their underpants on the outside without prohibiting the garment itself...for now. If the baying anti-undergarment mob has its way, who knows?

Take It Off by Scott Lydon

Sure, it comes in handy when you need to swagger around with a beer can, yelling to your neighbors about the Napoleonic code and why Meat Loaf is better than 2Pac, but on the whole, the undershirt is a relic we no longer need as a species.

First of all, the undershirt was invented around the time of the Spanish-American war. Remember the Maine? No? Well, then, why keep the undershirt around? Even the archaic Phone Excise Tax has been done away with. As newspapers are already learning the 21st Century is a very, very, very different place. With that in mind, why keep this relic of yellow journalism pressed to our chests, day in and day out, for even a second longer? Let us take the first forward steps to red and gold unitards and shiny shiny rocketpacks! Set our collective chest hair free!

Secondly, what does the undershirt mean? What does it truly say to the world? Obviously, it says to the world "Hey, I'm the kind of person who can afford to wear two shirts!" And, speaking strictly statistically, what sort of person is the most likely to be targeted by criminals? That's right, the person who has the most to lose. The person with the most shirts. Unless you're Superman or Robin, a second shirt is a good way to be marked as a target. What good will that second shirt be when you no longer have a television?

Don't keep giving in to the crypto-fascist undershirt industry. Take control of your wardrobe, and wear shirts the way they were intended. Against the skin. Freedom's just another word for nothing left to take off.

Photos taken from two scans by Flickr member cod_gabriel. Used under a Creative Commons License.

                          

barfcat


quality posts: 0 Private Messages barfcat

I love undershirts, also the Golden Girls.

Gatzby


quality posts: 43 Private Messages Gatzby

I'm with Toon on this one. Buying undershirts was the best thing I ever did. I am at least twice as awesome now.

You can also think of it as protecting your shirt.woot investments. Are you saying woot! shirts aren't worth a little extra, Scott? Are you? Huh?

Did you know shirt.woot ships internationally? Get you some!
Why do my posts always get deleted? -- Noise Reduction -- Try it in podcast format.
No, you can't have our iPod, keys, or Lego. Sorry.

sgoman5674


quality posts: 41 Private Messages sgoman5674

With Toon too. I always wear undershirts.


Edit: I hope this doesn't replace the "Woot Weads the Wire" series.

mrtuba9


quality posts: 1 Private Messages mrtuba9
Gatzby wrote:I'm with Toon on this one. Buying undershirts was the best thing I ever did. I am at least twice as awesome now.




Ditto (or triplo)...I'm wearing a certain in-house brand from Target as we speak and it's sofffftttt....

60 woots, 102 items, 34x1, 7x2, 18x3 (3x3 ßÕÇ-now retired), 9 unique shirt.woot, 1 sellout.woot <--OUTDATED (except the martini ;')

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady

They were wearing undershirts?



The biggest lie that I tell myself daily..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

gandecab


quality posts: 0 Private Messages gandecab

I'm with Scott - set your nipples free!

Slydon


quality posts: 18 Private Messages Slydon

Staff

sgoman5674 wrote:Edit: I hope this doesn't replace the "Woot Weads the Wire" series.



That's on non-woot off Wednesdays! But we are very pleased you enjoy it enough to be worried.

Hi, I'm one of the writers. My powers are limited but I'll do what I can.

agingdragqueen


quality posts: 135 Private Messages agingdragqueen

Staff

gandecab wrote:I'm with Scott - set your nipples free!



That seems like something he would agree with wholeheartedly.

sgoman5674


quality posts: 41 Private Messages sgoman5674
Slydon wrote:That's on non-woot off Wednesdays! But we are very pleased you enjoy it enough to be worried.



I am very worried!!!! I have been going through withdrawals since a week and a half ago.

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

This article is wrong on so many levels. I vote for "w00t weeds the Wire: Season 2".

ab4dd0n


quality posts: 1 Private Messages ab4dd0n

I just had my television stolen last week
and yet, I wear just one shirt at a time.

I now fear for the world.

Being in the same state as woot is pretty cool...until I have to pay sales tax

kaysten


quality posts: 0 Private Messages kaysten

My question, and I'm serious, where can I get a few of these? They are sweet and I would like to strut my stuff in them. If anyone knows a site or store in which I can go get them, please inform me.

--Kaysten

gandecab


quality posts: 0 Private Messages gandecab
kaysten wrote:My question, and I'm serious, where can I get a few of these? They are sweet and I would like to strut my stuff in them. If anyone knows a site or store in which I can go get them, please inform me.



tonight on shirt.woot!

sgoman5674


quality posts: 41 Private Messages sgoman5674
gandecab wrote:tonight on shirt.woot!



In for three!

Jason Toon


quality posts: 19 Private Messages Jason Toon
kaysten wrote:My question, and I'm serious, where can I get a few of these? They are sweet and I would like to strut my stuff in them. If anyone knows a site or store in which I can go get them, please inform me.



Try West Germany in the 1970s.

infallible


quality posts: 7 Private Messages infallible

All my life, I only wore an undershirt when I was wearing a dress shirt. But recently, I've discovered that it's important to wear one even with just a t-shirt.

It's all for looks, guys. Undershirts are there for your protection. Nipples should not be set free because nobody else wants to see their outline emerge when you only wear a tee. Not only that, but the undershirt will be your primary line of defense against sweat stains.

Buy them, wear them, and you'll learn to love them.

19 www.Woots / 1 tech.Woot / 1 wine.Woots / 13 shirt.Woots / 6 sellout.Woots

widmer69


quality posts: 14 Private Messages widmer69
infallible wrote:Not only that, but the undershirt will be your primary line of defense against sweat stains.



I prefer deodorant for this problem. Old Spice, yeah!

hooray beer!

sgoman5674


quality posts: 41 Private Messages sgoman5674
widmer69 wrote:I prefer deodorant for this problem. Old Spice, yeah!



That doesn't do enough. Its like those commercials of the people who are too afraid to lift up their arms.