ACTUAL NOTES FROM THE AMAZON BOARD MEETING, JULY, 2011.
Jeff: Guys, gals, I would like to bring the meeting to order... Please everyone, have a seat, we have a busy agenda this morning. Before we get started, let's have a round of applause for Grace here. I don't know if you know this or not but when Grace isn't working here at Amazon, she is secretly developing "Green" dog food that is environmentally friendly BEFORE and AFTER the dog eats it! It gives me great pleasure to announce that Grace just got a patent for it! (everyone cheers)
Well onto business. As all of you know, we bought Woot a little over a year ago and I feel it is my duty, pardon the pun Grace, get it, DUTY... that I inform all of you on the board how we are doing, or how Woot is doing. let's start with the good news. For the few of us here who still eat meat, there is nothing like going to visit the folks at Woot, wow, you talk about rib joints, I'm tellin you, there is a reason why the good ol lord invented Texas, RIBS. Damn, they are good, and those folks from Woot, hell, you get into one of their all scratched up Cadillacs from driving through the hay fields, and you will land at some of the best places for lunch, no fruit, no veggies, just good ol fashion Texas bar b que, beans, dirty rice, and a beer assortment to die for! Just be real carefull bout those beans because when you get back from lunch you want to meet in a well ventilated room if you catch my drift. But I digress. Anyway as you all know, we paid a bunch of money for Woot and while they are doin okay, they're not doing great. The problem is that okay isn't good enough for the stockholders. They made a big deal at the Stockholders meeting. They want to know when they can start seeing their stock go up. They wanted to know what my plan was, and it better not include supplying Woot with P C laptops every other day or 42" LCD TV's. So that is our mission everyone, what are we going to do about Woot. I think we need a task force to research what people's buying habits are, Jim, Carol, would you two head that up? We need another committee to figure out what people's selling habits are. Justin, Reggie, Sue, would you mind? I think we need to commission a study on how the growth of the internet is affecting retail. Howard, Chuck, could you honcho that. We also need several interpreters. Jill, find people who are fluent in translating Seattle speak to Carrollton and vica versa. Hell if we can't figure out what the other is saying maybe that is part of the problem. Okay everyone, let's have a weekly meeting to discuss the hot points and goals, and a meeting every other week to discuss strategy and operational interfaces. We're gonna turn this Woot thing around no matter what it takes, even if we have to sell a few of those flying saucer self propelled vaccum cleaners along the way. Does anyone know if there is a Starbucks in Caroollton?