Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
NEW YORK (UPI) -- Monday is Valentine's Day, but Sunday is "Valenswine's Day," say people who pay attention to such things in New York.
Sources say that the number of Babylon 5 fans who are also pig farmers is surprisingly high.
FORT WAYNE, Ind. (UPI) -- Officials in Fort Wayne, Ind., said their new government center will "probably not" be named after former Mayor Harry Baals, despite support in an online poll.
But producers agree that the name is under consideration for the love interest in the upcoming "Jane Bond" movie.
DETROIT (UPI) -- Proponents of erecting a statue of RoboCop in Detroit, a suggestion first tweeted to the mayor, said they had raised $18,182 so far.
Some donators also suggested the statue could be made with the leftover steel from bulldozing all the underfunded local schools.
NEW YORK (UPI) -- A New York cabbie said he refused a dinner in his honor after he returned a bag containing $75,000 in jewelry to its owner because alcohol would be served.
In a related story, an expert team of sentence diagrammers are still debating why exactly the bag was returned.
DENVER (UPI) -- Animal rescuers in Denver say they're waiting for an airplane with 25 lions rescued from Bolivian traveling circuses to roar into Denver International Airport.
Those in the know privately fear a territory dispute with the Flying Tigers.