Jason Toon


quality posts: 16 Private Messages Jason Toon

Staff

By now any thinking person understands that comics, as a form, can reach heights of expression, creativity, and artistry as profound as any other narrative form.

Then there are these.

At the Emerald City Comicon this past weekend, Randall Cleveland and I challenged each other to see who could find the weirdest comics in the many and voluminous 25-cent, 50-cent, and one-dollar bins in the Dealer's Den. We didn't have much time, but we didn't need much. If only we'd known how rich the pickings were, we would have made it an all-day mission. Read on for the most ridiculous covers we picked up at the show. Click to embiggen. WARNING: the following images are not for the artistically squeamish...


Paging Dr. Freud! Hey, if you were being cosmically emasculated, you'd look pretty agonized yourself. Incidentally, we flipped through this issue and astro-beardo does not seem to appear anywhere inside. It's the old comics-publisher trick: entice the rubes with some eye candy on the cover.


I've seen the future, and it's a big white box with a sign on it that says .50 EACH OR 3/$1.


If the 2002 Seattle Mariners were bad-ass enough to repel a full-scale Sasquatch invasion, how come they only finished third in the AL West?


"If you can draw me, you may qualify for a lowly-paid career on the fringes of the comics industry!"


Jim Lee has a lot to answer for. But we can't blame him for that corny thrash-metal logo.


Something tells me this artist has spent a lot of time with his extensive collection of bodybuilding magazines. Hard to believe a hero with an irresistible name like "Ruck Bud" didn't immediately ascend to the pantheon alongside Superman and Spider-Man.


How will the Narcissitic League of Baby-Boomers evade the evil intellectual-property lawyers? With their secret weapon: total obscurity!


This was Airwave Comics' plan B after they lost the million-dollar bidding war for the comic rights to My Three Sons.


Finally, a comic that combines deeply felt spirituality and protruding nipples.


All I can say is, I've found my full-back tattoo.

The insides of these comics are every bit as ridiculous as the covers, but I didn't want to dump too much awesome on yas all at once. Would you read a series of posts showing more detail about the contents of these books? Let me know in the comments and maybe we can make it happen. And if you've got some ludicrous comics of your own to share, please do.

We've got more Emerald City Comicon coverage if you want it. And you might also like The 12 Most Eighties-Style Superheroes and Skeletons In The Longbox: Action Comics 48 (1942).

Nentuaby


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Nentuaby

Oh, I most certainly would read that series!

Listen2Reason


quality posts: 4 Private Messages Listen2Reason

Ha! Back in the day, people into Japanese animation and comic books were pretty much underground. Warrior Nun Areala was made by those fans to appeal to those fans. It was a very "in-group" kind of thing. I never read it myself, but I knew a few people who liked it.

Of course, nowadays every Barnes & Noble has an entire manga wall...

llandar


quality posts: 32 Private Messages llandar

My first born will be named Ruck Bud.

k4th3r1n3


quality posts: 17 Private Messages k4th3r1n3

Oh, wow. I have so many questions, the most important one is "why did these get published?".

Is the, uh, hero on the cover of Roller Coaster a guy or a girl? I saw the hair and face and assumed girl, then I saw the abs and chest and thought guy, then saw the roller skates and thought girl again.

davidbowser


quality posts: 2 Private Messages davidbowser

Is there such a thing as too much awesome? If there is, I don't want to know. Keep them coming.

bravo6


quality posts: 1 Private Messages bravo6

Publishing this stuff isn't cheap, I want to know who puts up money for this type of thing?!

Seriously I want to know, bc I have some GREAT ideas to pitch..

tgentry


quality posts: 105 Private Messages tgentry

Staff

So that's why the Mariner's suck so bad, instead of practicing they're out saving us against Bigfoot. Being a Pacific Northwest resident I thank them for that sacrifice. My family's safety is well worth the price of awful baseball.

ElanorRigby


quality posts: 13 Private Messages ElanorRigby
k4th3r1n3 wrote:...then saw the roller skates and thought girl again.



Dude...I totally missed the roller skates. I need to know more about this transportationally-challenged man/girl/muntant?/superhero. Please.

Even on a cloudy day, I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun...

marajad3


quality posts: 3 Private Messages marajad3

I wouldn't be surprised to see Linkara rip any of those a new one on Atop the Fourth Wall.

I have a couple of issues of Tandy Computer Wiz Kids (Radio Shack put them out in the '80s). But I think my favorite is Mickey Mouse and Goofy in a propaganda piece, thinly disguised as a PSA on the benefits of oil from Exxon.

bsellnow


quality posts: 0 Private Messages bsellnow

I've got a good friend in the comic book biz, and he comments...

"Yeah, most of that stuff looks dreadful. But Mike Grell's Starslayer was actually a pretty decent comic, if you like old-school space opera."

In fact, my buddy owns a pencil drawing by Grell that's based on the Starslayer cover shown here. He commissioned another artist, Joe Rubinstein, to finish Grell's pencil sketch in ink.

Here's a link: http://www.comicartfans.com/GalleryPiece.asp?Piece=112344&GSub=10765

...just some useful background texture and trivia...

purgeme


quality posts: 5 Private Messages purgeme

I am freakishly interested in the Warrior Nun. I can only hope that the sword transforms into a bloodied hand cracking ruler.

rayray099


quality posts: 6 Private Messages rayray099
purgeme wrote:I am freakishly interested in the Warrior Nun. I can only hope that the sword transforms into a bloodied hand cracking ruler.



You must be left handed. My sympathies.

I have seen some ridiculous covers (Boyfriend used to work for credit at the local shop and I would doutifully bring him Smoothie King), but those don't even come close. More, more!

BrockJones


quality posts: 1 Private Messages BrockJones

The log of the Jolly Roger was hidden there...Issue #2 of Mariners/Mojo? #1 was so much better...And I read the nun one as "Areola," which also would have been appropriate...thanks for bringing these to our attention!

eimhin


quality posts: 0 Private Messages eimhin

I would love to see some of the interiors!

andybaird


quality posts: 3 Private Messages andybaird

Did anybody else notice that all of these are labeled Issue No. 1? Was it just luck that turned up these first editions at Comicon... or was it the fact that these particular titles were so bad, they never made it to a second issue?