Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
MESA, Ariz (UPI) -- Police in Arizona said a woman spotted dancing naked in a cemetery was arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure.
And in a related story, John Proctor was spotted talking to young Abigail in the woods.
MADISON, Wis. (UPI) -- A Wisconsin state lawmaker said her bill to declare cream puffs the official state dessert was inspired by the efforts of a group of fourth-graders.
Experts say this proves the bill to be more mature than anything else Wisconsin state lawmakers have done all year.
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (UPI) -- A Missouri judge handed down convictions Wednesday for two people who brought a chimpanzee into Kansas City, where it escaped from its semi truck.
Sheriff Lobo has announced his next mission will be to file for a transfer and try to clean up Hazzard County. People under the age of thirty just stared blankly.
LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, have announced their separation after 25 years of marriage.
But Shriver's divorce lawyers are delaying the paperwork, saying it's likely he'll be back.
COLUMBIA, S.C. (UPI) -- South Carolina state employees got a day off Tuesday as the state celebrated Confederate Memorial Day.
Northerners still had to work, as winners often must.