WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

MESA, Ariz (UPI) -- Police in Arizona said a woman spotted dancing naked in a cemetery was arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure.

And in a related story, John Proctor was spotted talking to young Abigail in the woods.

MADISON, Wis. (UPI) -- A Wisconsin state lawmaker said her bill to declare cream puffs the official state dessert was inspired by the efforts of a group of fourth-graders.

Experts say this proves the bill to be more mature than anything else Wisconsin state lawmakers have done all year.

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (UPI) -- A Missouri judge handed down convictions Wednesday for two people who brought a chimpanzee into Kansas City, where it escaped from its semi truck.

Sheriff Lobo has announced his next mission will be to file for a transfer and try to clean up Hazzard County. People under the age of thirty just stared blankly.

LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, have announced their separation after 25 years of marriage.

But Shriver's divorce lawyers are delaying the paperwork, saying it's likely he'll be back.

COLUMBIA, S.C. (UPI) -- South Carolina state employees got a day off Tuesday as the state celebrated Confederate Memorial Day.

Northerners still had to work, as winners often must.



Quality Posts


kchoschton


quality posts: 17 Private Messages kchoschton

As a State of Georgia employee, I get Confederate Memorial Day off too. Someone from Massachusetts once told me they have some sort of Yankee holiday that's congruent with CMD. Maybe Patriot's Day?

DennisG2010


quality posts: 19 Private Messages DennisG2010

You missed this gold mine:
Navy prepping launch of MMO to fight at-sea piracy

"According to the Navy, more than 1,000 players will be charged with solving "real-world problems facing the Navy."

Somali pirates will soon be quivering in their sandals whenever they hear the name LEEEEROOOY JEENKIIIINNNNS!!!

rayray099


quality posts: 6 Private Messages rayray099

'...as winners often do.'
Ouch!
Hhmmm, I'm in MS and we have no such holiday, so do we get to count as winners? With our low literacy rates and abundance of 'rebel' flags, I'm betting not.

Slydon


quality posts: 17 Private Messages Slydon

Staff

rayray099 wrote:'...as winners often do.'
Ouch!
Hhmmm, I'm in MS and we have no such holiday, so do we get to count as winners? With our low literacy rates and abundance of 'rebel' flags, I'm betting not.



I was actually born in Mississippi! So no, none of us get to be winners.

Hi, I'm one of the writers. My powers are limited but I'll do what I can.