Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
BREMERTON, Wash. (UPI) -- Officials in a Washington county said they want to classify "sexpresso" stands, coffee shops featuring scantily clad baristas, as "adult entertainment" venues.
Shortly thereafter angry baristas gathered at City Hall, demanding the drink be called by it's proper name, "Sespresso".
EDMONTON, Alberta (UPI) -- Tyrannosaurus Rex was not a solitary predator as previously thought but rather hunted in packs, Canadian researchers say.
However it is still theorized that morale-building high fives were rare.
CARDROSS, Scotland (UPI) -- The owners of a Scottish cafe said a friendly ghost haunting the shop likes to move jars of candy and other items around.
Parapsychological linguists say they are still debating if the ghost should be referred to as "re-specter-ble" or "admira-boo-le".
NEW YORK (UPI) -- Former U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner, D-N.Y., has talked with Democratic leaders about possible candidates for his old seat, party leaders said.
Insiders say the delay is due to applicants completely misunderstanding the Craigslist post looking for Weiner replacements.
MISSOULA, Mont. (UPI) -- "Flap-running", where birds furiously flap their wings while running on the ground, may have been a key step in the evolution of flight, U.S. researchers say.
But then their mother came out and said "U.S. researchers, I told you to stop trying to trick those people into running around flapping their arms!" and dragged crying U.S. researchers back inside, at which point the sound of spanking was heard.
UNIVERSITY CITY, Mo., June 28 (UPI) -- A bronze statue of rock 'n' roll icon Chuck Berry is to be installed in University City, Mo., this week, officials said.
It will be installed in no particular place.