WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

BREMERTON, Wash. (UPI) -- Officials in a Washington county said they want to classify "sexpresso" stands, coffee shops featuring scantily clad baristas, as "adult entertainment" venues.

Shortly thereafter angry baristas gathered at City Hall, demanding the drink be called by it's proper name, "Sespresso".

EDMONTON, Alberta (UPI) -- Tyrannosaurus Rex was not a solitary predator as previously thought but rather hunted in packs, Canadian researchers say.

However it is still theorized that morale-building high fives were rare.

CARDROSS, Scotland (UPI) -- The owners of a Scottish cafe said a friendly ghost haunting the shop likes to move jars of candy and other items around.

Parapsychological linguists say they are still debating if the ghost should be referred to as "re-specter-ble" or "admira-boo-le".

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Former U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner, D-N.Y., has talked with Democratic leaders about possible candidates for his old seat, party leaders said.

Insiders say the delay is due to applicants completely misunderstanding the Craigslist post looking for Weiner replacements.

MISSOULA, Mont. (UPI) -- "Flap-running", where birds furiously flap their wings while running on the ground, may have been a key step in the evolution of flight, U.S. researchers say.

But then their mother came out and said "U.S. researchers, I told you to stop trying to trick those people into running around flapping their arms!" and dragged crying U.S. researchers back inside, at which point the sound of spanking was heard.

UNIVERSITY CITY, Mo., June 28 (UPI) -- A bronze statue of rock 'n' roll icon Chuck Berry is to be installed in University City, Mo., this week, officials said.

It will be installed in no particular place.



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ActorTom


quality posts: 2 Private Messages ActorTom

It will be installed in no particular place.

actually "laughed out loud" at this one

ActorTom


quality posts: 2 Private Messages ActorTom

Michele Bachmann played "American Girl" Tuesday when she walked onstage at a rally, and Rolling Stone has confirmed reports that Tom Petty's management team immediately sent the Bachmann campaign a cease and desist letter.

Petty's Management did provide a list of his songs she could play when taking the stage, including "@$$hole", "All the Wrong Reasons", "Cracking Up", "Don`t Come Around Here No More", "Girl On LSD", "Psychotic Reaction", and "The Damage You've Done."

apoor


quality posts: 2 Private Messages apoor
ActorTom wrote:It will be installed in no particular place.

actually "laughed out loud" at this one



+1 Brilliant!

thatheard


quality posts: 6 Private Messages thatheard

Highlight of my week.


I love two things more than anything else: News and Jokes. This column is like a tasty explosion of awesome in my brain. (Huh, that sounded better in my head)

Keep 'em coming!

Edit: Where exactly can one find one of these sespresso stands??? :-)

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
ActorTom wrote:It will be installed in no particular place.

actually "laughed out loud" at this one



+1



When I was a kid I wanted to be older, this CRAP is NOT what I expected.

ActorTom


quality posts: 2 Private Messages ActorTom

Monaco's Sovereign wed Charlene Wittstock of South Africa on Friday in a long-awaited civil ceremony.

Reporters covering the honeymoon press conference were prohibited from asking Her Serene Highness if she had Prince Albert in the can.

Moueska


quality posts: 54 Private Messages Moueska
UNIVERSITY CITY, Mo., June 28 (UPI) -- A bronze statue of rock 'n' roll icon Chuck Berry is to be installed in University City, Mo., this week, officials said.

It will be installed in no particular place.



This one's local for me. I've been hearing about the controversy for weeks now. I first heard about it (not up on my local scandals) and was thrilled. And then I heard about the flip-side. *shudder*

(He found his thrill... on Blueberry Hill...)

ActorTom


quality posts: 2 Private Messages ActorTom

(New York) At the auction for Nortel Networks' wireless patents this week, among Google's bids were $1,902,160,540 (Brun's constant) and $2,614,972,128 (Meissel-Mertens constant), and $3.14159 (Pi) billion. Google's shenanigans did not work. A group of six companies won with a $4.5 billion bid.

Upon losing, Googles representative was heard to exclaim "773440"