WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Presenting the first in an ongoing, open-ended, interminable, agonizing, mercilessly drawn-out series of continuing education lectures sure to enhance your earning power, personal satisfaction, and fast-muscle response. Welcome, Sean University class of 2011!

There are two types of degrees in the world: the kind that show you what temperature it is and the kind that show that you're a smart person who's taken classes. While the temperature kind of degrees can help you get jobs if you're a self-employed thermometer repairman and it's so hot outside that everyone's thermometers are blowing up, It's more practical to use the education kind...

You see, these days, the economy is a sinking ship, except instead of sinking, it's running out of money, and instead of being a ship it's a money system. What was once enough to get you gainfully employed (your own hammer, small enough hands to reach into the machines, a smile, etc.) just won't cut it anymore. Companies are looking for candidates that stand out, and what better way to earn the upper hand completing the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership Leadership (SAUBMDL) program. In the short time of for as many weeks that I keep thinking of blog posts about this, you can learn all that there is to know that I know about running your own small business.

You might be thinking, why should I choose SAUBMDL over a traditional brick and mortar institution? Because with SAUBMDL you can complete the course _whenever_ you want. If you're like a lot of people, you're probably busy working a dead end job, or being a parent, or imagining you're working a dead end job or being a parent in real time, or building a robot that can work your dead end job and raise your kids and imagine it all at once so you don't have to. So do you really have time to drive to a college, sit in a classroom for a couple hours? Of course you don't! With SAUBMDL all you need to do is read the blog posts and then you can download your certificate of completion (coming soon), print it and write your name in it (or you can just print the certificate and then pinky swear you'll eventually read the blog posts).

And when you're done with the program, and you've gotten the job of your dreams, that's it, right? Wrong! The certificate just keeps giving! Here are some great secondary uses:

The certificate is a valid form of identification that you can use to board certain airplanes, especially ones that look, sound, and act exactly like buses.

The certificate can be used as an illustrative example to answer the question, "What is a rectangle?"

If you hang it on your wall for all your guests to see, the certificate can serve as a great conversation starter, although it starts more exciting, colorful conversations if you try to hang it on someone else's wall.

So why wait? Get started with SAUBMDL today! Or if you've read this far, you've pretty much already started, and you're not a quitter are you??

(I'll gladly answer any questions you have in the comments section, unless they're really mean, in which case, I'll answer them, but I won't be glad about it.)

DJGosch


quality posts: 1 Private Messages DJGosch

What is the SAUBMDL Mascot and what athletic programs will you be offering? I'm hoping for a scholarship in knitting. Can I get my BS from there?

413007


quality posts: 4 Private Messages 413007

I'm just trying to figure out how my printer is going to manage to handle the gold embossing that I imagine will be a part of the certificate of completion...

Perhaps this one certificate will set me apart from all of my bachelor degree having friends who still work the same jobs that we did while earning said degrees. I'm going to go ahead and put all of my eggs in this basket right now.

hayesjc


quality posts: 3 Private Messages hayesjc

I'm looking forward to the directed readings on bellydancing through the ages, and hoping I can T.A. quantum tie-dying.

benzaholic


quality posts: 2 Private Messages benzaholic

Spend the class development time making sure that the certificate looks professional, so I can hang it in my cube. The rest of the class content is absolutely less important.
Can Mortimer and Monte be part of this, maybe signatories on the certificate?

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I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check. -- Escher

dseanadams


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dseanadams

Staff

DJGosch wrote:What is the SAUBMDL Mascot and what athletic programs will you be offering? I'm hoping for a scholarship in knitting. Can I get my BS from there?



Not sure about athletic offerings, but with all the mascots out of work because of the NBA lockout, we really can take our pick. And don't worry, every degree we offer is BS. Wait, what?

stingray69


quality posts: 4 Private Messages stingray69

Do you accept transfer credits from DeVry or Phoenix?

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 2 Private Messages EssenGrabow

Professor Adams: This isn't one of those "fly-by-night" kind of Universities is it? I "went" to one once, and the final was to actually *locate* the University (Bubba's BaitShop, BBQ stand, and State University (BBBSU)). I think only Bubba's sister, Bubbette, actually got the degree.

I need one that will actually *further* my career plans (manager of my own "Dairy Queen". All the Blizzards you can eat!) rather than push me back to "fry boy".

dseanadams


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dseanadams

Staff

stingray69 wrote:Do you accept transfer credits from DeVry or Phoenix?



We prefer your credit card numbers, but we'll take your transfer credits from Devry and Phoenix if that's all you've got. I actually considered both of those fine institutions before deciding to earn my bachelor's, master's, and doctorate degrees through a system of advanced homeschooling.

EssenGrabow wrote:Professor Adams: This isn't one of those "fly-by-night" kind of Universities is it?



Not at all! It's located right here, on the internet. Tell me one thing that's ever just disappeared off the internet.

tanios


quality posts: 10 Private Messages tanios

Is there an honors program I can enroll in? I'd really like to learn how to be a leader of leaders of leaders, which is to say, how to successfully perpetuate a Ponzi scheme, secure and shelter the profits, and evade the authorities. Any opportunities for that sort of thing? I'm willing to accept instructions in salami slicing maneuvers or a pyramid scheme for graphic tee shirt sales as well.

dseanadams


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dseanadams

Staff

tanios wrote:Is there an honors program I can enroll in?



Thanks to advanced educational technology that we aren't allowed to talk about or understand, SAUBMDL is both an honors program and a remedial program at the same time. You can be the leader and the follower of the leader, who is the leader of the leader you are following who is also you. It's that simple!

The same goes with your Ponzi scheme idea. You can be the schemer and be schemed! By yourself. Or someone else. But not by us. We're totally honest.

macmarkaleer


quality posts: 0 Private Messages macmarkaleer

Will there be class rings? I always wanted a class ring...