quality posts: 16 Private Messages WootBot


For the last three or four months DC (Detective Comics, home of Superman, Batman, etc., in case you're not a regular at your local Android's Dungeon) has teased that in September they'll be relaunching the entire universe, with 52 titles getting brand new "Number One" issues. For DC, it's a chance to reinvigorate the brand and attract new readers who might be turned off or confused by the extensive continuity. Additionally, they're going to introduce "a more modern, diverse DC Universe" with "character variations in appearance, origin, and age," which is a press-release-way of saying "We're going to make Batman Mexican. Deal with it."

Comic book fans, notoriously easy to anger, have taken the news with the expected gamut of emotions: nerd rage, worried contemplation as to the effects on their favorite characters/storylines, pessimism at a blatant cash grab, and naive optimism that THIS will be the change that sticks. I guess I'm in favor of anything that might introduce a new audience to comics and thus keep them in business. In general, I'm in favor of a comic universe sticking to its own continuity: dead people should stay dead, and "HUGE, EPIC CROSSOVER" events should have lasting effects on the world if they're that important. But nitpicking continuity issues is for basement-dwellers with too much anger to contain. It seems like in making this move DC has been taking to heart the angry letters they undoubtedly get from people counting the compartments on Batman's belt.

But this isn't really about DC; they're just the inspiration. See, if the people behind cultural icons like The Flash and Wonder Woman can just cast it all to the winds and try to reboot everything, what's stopping everybody else? Here are some comics we feel are in dire need of a universal reboot:

Forget everything you ever thought you knew about Charlie Brown and co. A brand new creative team lead by Rob Liefeld takes everyone's favorite lovable loser into the present. Charlie Brown is now Cordero Cruz, son of Puerto Rican immigrants looking to make his mark on his new hometown, which just happens to be a multicultural urban center. He's only bald because he shaves his head to look cool, and everywhere Charlie Brown zigged, Cordero zags. Look for the little guy to finally start WINNING. Oh, and pouches. There's going to be a LOT of pouches. 

Charlie Brown & Snoopy
He's also slightly older.

If any franchise is in need of trimming the fat from its continuity, it's this one. Between Odie, Nermal, Jon Arbuckle, Jon's family, Lyman, Irma, Binky the Clown, Pooky, Arlene, Dr. Liz Wilson, and the multitude of women Jon attempts to date it's gotten extremely cluttered. Tom DeFalco cuts through the crap and takes everyone's favorite fat cat back to his roots. Except look for Garfield to drop the lasagna in favor of some soul food. Oh, and he may or may not be a clone of himself.

After more than 40 years it's impossible to remember just which locations and in front of which people Ziggy has suffered his trademark ignominy. How many times have you read his daily little circle and thought, "Wait. Is this the same waiter from last week? Why would he go back to that restaurant? And why does the guy look exactly like the person at the Returns counter from the department store? Do department stores still have Returns counters?" No more. Frank Miller strips Ziggy down to his core and readers will be taken along for the ride as we see just where it all begins. The new strip will be titled "Ziggy: Diary of My Descent," and our titular hero is recast as a schizophrenic shut-in who relives the perceived slights he endures from society with such cutting brutality it only further propagates his madness.

Just leave me alone
At least he has pants, now.

J.T. Krul brings the Great Dane out of the '50s and into modern times! Marmaduke's now an old soul, heavy with guilt at his past indiscretions and the damage they've caused. His insecurity manifests as a neediness almost everyone around him finds insufferable, causing him to feel alienated. Expect a lot of "will they or won't they?" teasing with Marmaduke and Dottie's relationship.

Prince Valiant
Finally! It seems like the strip has been bouncing around the Middle Ages forever! No longer, as Brad Meltzer's update introduces us to Valiant, the Mercenary: a gun for hire. Gone are all the messy, confusing blends of history and mythology. Valiant's singing sword is replaced with his trusty WTS .50 BMG Pistol, which he still calls "Flamberge" in a nod to the series' roots. Meltzer's take on the strip gives fans what they've craved for almost 75 years now: nonstop gruesome action and killing. As a merc not bound to any conventional ideals of warfare, Valiant will kill, torture, and pillage his way across war zones in the Middle East, Sub-Saharan Africa and Southeast Asia.

You've heard our pitch, now give us yours: what comic universe would you like to see start over from scratch with a brand new update?

Flickr photos (in order)
Charlie Brown & Snoopy by ginnerobot

Just leave me alone by Ed Yourdon
used under a
Creative Commons License


quality posts: 0 Private Messages homechicken

Little Orphan Annie, remade by John Woo. An action-packed (ie no time for singing) romp through the seedy child-slavery market in Thailand. Annie has a split-personality disorder, one side is the little girl we all know, the other is a psychotic killer with an enormous IQ and a penchant to recite biblical verses to her victims.


quality posts: 143 Private Messages bsmith1

Oh..."comic reboots" not "comic robots"
I thought this was going to be about robotic stand-up comedians... I am disappoint.


quality posts: 4 Private Messages mndvs737

Dennis the Menace - Mr. Wilson now has a restraining order after Dennis' repeated break-ins, and Dennis must cope with an ankle bracelet as part of his probation.


quality posts: 2 Private Messages olperfesser

Ally Oop. Instead of the caveman from Moo, we get a 6'8" inner city basketball player who moonlights as a club wielding vigilante.


quality posts: 2 Private Messages Cerrida
bsmith1 wrote:Oh..."comic reboots" not "comic robots"
I thought this was going to be about robotic stand-up comedians... I am disappoint.

I read "robots," too, but thought it would be comic characters turned into robots. Tired of being forced to say the same inane things week after week, The Family Circle kids are out for revenge with their new cybernetic implants!

Jason Toon

quality posts: 19 Private Messages Jason Toon
Cerrida wrote:I read "robots," too, but thought it would be comic characters turned into robots. Tired of being forced to say the same inane things week after week, The Family Circle kids are out for revenge with their new cybernetic implants!

F.A.M.I.L.Y. Circuits! A squadron of weaponized biomechs wage total warfare on a noncorporeal entity that secretly manipulates all the strife and misery in the world: the ruthless artificial intelligence known as NOTME.


quality posts: 4 Private Messages Luxasia

Andy Capp. Andy now lives at the Betty Ford Center trying to get off the booze and keep in touch with his wife who is locked up in a womens prizon after the neighbors called the cops the night she took the rolling pin to Andy's head and the car in the middle of the street! Its like Celebrity Rehab meets Cops!

Do not follow me, I walk into walls!


quality posts: 0 Private Messages bujano

Four Words:
Beetle Bailey likes dudes.


quality posts: 1 Private Messages alexandrosmagnos

Wonder if someone could do a Willie and Joe for Iraq or Afghanistan now that Bill Maudlin's not around anymore....