WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Netflix made quite the splash with their innovative strategy of "Upsetting Every Last Customer We Have" recently, and CEO/Co-Founder Reed Hastings took a lot of heat for his heartfelt, earnest email explaining that he would make everything better by splitting the company in two, enraging and baffling everyone even further. But while everyone is busy flipping out over a company having the gall to try and charge enough so that they can stay afloat, our CEO and resident pontificator Matt Rutledge took some of Hastings' email to heart after bashing it on Google+.

A self described "Elite" Netflix member (we looked and couldn't really find any evidence that such a thing exists) and no stranger to penning a letter from the desk of the CEO, Matt's always been an innovator, ready to enact a bold new strategy as soon as someone else does it first. That's why many Wooters woke up to find this email in their inbox this morning...

From: Matt Rutledge, Founder and CEO of Woot (NakedKegStandsAllDay_420@woot.com)
Date: Tue, Sept. 20, 2011 at 8:00 AM
Subject: An Explanation and Some Deep Thoughts, Man.
To: [redacted due to Matt accidentally entering every Woot user's email address]

Dear Wooters,

Dude, I f&*$ed up. I owe you guys an explanation.

I keep getting emails from you cretins about how we lack respect and humility, as if I give two craps. Let me be real clear: I'm running a business here. Our interactions are limited to the following: we put up stuff for sale, you buy it, and if you REALLY feel like it, we'll let you tell us how awesome we are.

Sorry, sorry. That came out wrong. Forget all that. Let me just explain to you brilliant, kind-hearted, fun, incredibly sexy people what we're doing here.

For the past seven years, my greatest fear at Woot has been that we wouldn't make the leap from success in offloading overstock crap to success in offloading even MORE overstock crap. Most companies that are great at something - like Pets.com or govWorks - lose that greatness when people start wanting new things (in this case, new and greater quantities of crap). So we're going to copy what Netflix is doing, but first I should personally give you a full explanation of just what the hell it is Netflix is doing.

Okay, I honestly have no idea what Netflix is doing.

But here's the thing. You don't get to be a huge deal like Netflix unless you make the right decisions, right? Sometimes people on the outside don't get it, but everything they do HAS to be a great idea, otherwise mighty Netflix wouldn't do it, right? I mean, sure, you could just come out and explain to customers that it costs a TON of money to license and host streaming content for hundreds of thousands of people and therefore, you have to raise prices. But that's what the lame old Capitalism 1.0 dinosaur companies would do. Where they zig, Netflix zags. So instead they split the company in two.

And that's what I'm doing.

I've realized that Woot's daily deals and our Bag o' Crap are really becoming two different businesses, with very different cost structures. The Woot sites offer the best deals on the Web on a broad range of electronics, housewares, male enhancements, and lethal magnetic toys. The Bag o' Crap offers a random hodgepodge of stuff you can't predict, like a lame Christmas present that you pay for with money instead of love. The benefits of knowing what the product is are really quite different from the benefits of a package that may have anything from a television to a broken High School Musical clock showing up at your door by mail.

Since these two things are different, they need to be marketed completely differently, because the guy from Netflix said so and he seems to know what he's doing except for the whole "Qwikster" thing. That's in the Top 1 Worst Names For A Business of all time. Seriously. You could call yourself "Stab Murders Inc." or "Amalgamated Vomitworks" and I'd have more interest in what you're selling than anything Qwikster has to offer.

Anyway, it's hard to write this after selling junk for so long with pride, but I think it's the wave of the future: in a few weeks, we'll start offering our trademark BOC through a spinoff company called "Crapster." I carefully crafted that name over the last ten minutes, to prove my point that the name "Qwikster" is so bad that only a name that refers to actual feces could possibly be worse. I think I succeeded.

Crapster will offer the same slow delivery, indifferent customer service, and worthless landfill-bound products everyone is used to. It's just a new name, a more convoluted process, and more annoying to everyone trying to use it. Instead of just visiting Woot and ordering a Bag o' Crap when one's for sale, you'll instead visit Crapster's website (URL TBD - turns out we named this thing without checking if some punk teenager owned the domain and Twitter handle) and order on there. You'll have to enter all of your shipping and payment info on both sites. Just like Netflix's DVD and Instant services, there will be no overlap between Woot and stuff on Crapster. We're not going to integrate them, because screw you. That's why.

If any of that makes sense to you, congratulations. You're on your way to winning the Reed Hastings way.

I want to acknowledge and thank you for sticking with us, and also maybe come over and hold you for just a couple hours. On the couch, with the lights on, no funny stuff. Unless we hit it off, but then totally at your own pace and only as far as you're comfortable with. Don't be intimidated by the muscles. I know how to be gentle.

Both the Crapster and Woot teams will work hard to regain your trust, which we can all admit was pretty low to begin with, although certainly never as low as your trust in Netflix at this point. We know it won't be overnight. Actions speak louder than words. But words are much, much cheaper.

I love you,

Matt Rutledge, Founder and CEO, Woot

PS. I don't have a video to go along with it, but check this one out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxhqVrbixZc Hilarious!

connieh2007


quality posts: 3 Private Messages connieh2007

Craptastic!

cnorborg


quality posts: 0 Private Messages cnorborg

Hmm... I tried replying to tell him what a big bag o' crap this idea is, but I have a feeling they didn't give us his real email address (NakedKegStandsAllDay_420@woot.com)... :-/

Snapster


quality posts: 16 Private Messages Snapster
cnorborg wrote:Hmm... I tried replying to tell him what a big bag o' crap this idea is, but I have a feeling they didn't give us his real email address (NakedKegStandsAllDay_420@woot.com)... :-/


I'd better scramble to get IT on that alias creation right away!

dcobranchi


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dcobranchi

Bad news. Crapster.com is already taken.

Registrant:
c/o CRAPSTER.COM
P.O. Box 821650
Vancouver, WA 98682
US

Steamingbagsofcrap.com is available, though.

sgsax


quality posts: 5 Private Messages sgsax

I friggin love you guys. Also: CRAP!

jamilehd


quality posts: 0 Private Messages jamilehd

This is fantastic. <3

kenneyjs


quality posts: 0 Private Messages kenneyjs

The Twitter account is already taken by a guy named Bill Britt who was "working" back in Feb 09.

http://twitter.com/#!/crapster

agingdragqueen


quality posts: 126 Private Messages agingdragqueen

Staff

Unchecked Twitter account not nearly as embarrassing: http://twitter.com/#!/crapster.


xelement5x


quality posts: 1 Private Messages xelement5x

crapster.woot.com does nothing. I am sad

mcpezhead


quality posts: 0 Private Messages mcpezhead

Brilliant. Now I can stop calling in sick during every wootoff!

OldMatador


quality posts: 13 Private Messages OldMatador

I can only imagine how the servers would work (or more accurately, not work) during a Crap-Off. Oh boy...

spacemart


quality posts: 15 Private Messages spacemart

this will work until people receive their shipments of crap.

richellelander


quality posts: 18 Private Messages richellelander

I like it when a CEO says what he feels and admits when his ideas are total crap.

A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist. ~~Franklin P. Jones

Marrob


quality posts: 9 Private Messages Marrob

Love you Woot!

Signed,
Ex-Netflix member

"HEY TWITTER, TAKE THE SO CALLED KANYE WEST TWITTER DOWN NOW .... WHY? BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOUD!!!!!!!!!" - Kanye West

jimeezlady


quality posts: 2 Private Messages jimeezlady

And uninformed people wonder why I love you so...

katrinca


quality posts: 0 Private Messages katrinca

Brilliant!!

trentblase


quality posts: 0 Private Messages trentblase

Please let this be real. I will cancel my subscription unless you make crapster.woot.com a reality.

silveramberz


quality posts: 0 Private Messages silveramberz

With a letter like that, I figure Matt can come over and hold me for a few hours. Seriously, this is the best laugh I have had all day. Thanks Matt Rutledge!

daver4470


quality posts: 3 Private Messages daver4470

This is the greatest parody email in the history of history.

scekk


quality posts: 0 Private Messages scekk

The awesomeness and hilarity that is Woot will never be surpassed by anything unless it's called crapster. It sounds like a very "interesting" idea. Can hardly wait... no, I can wait.

RoachisaroacH


quality posts: 4 Private Messages RoachisaroacH

Remember don't to call 1-800-NET-FLIX (638-3549) to cancel.

charonpdx


quality posts: 0 Private Messages charonpdx

Okay, amalgamatedvomitworks.com registered and forwarded to qwikster.com.....

charonpdx


quality posts: 0 Private Messages charonpdx
dcobranchi wrote:Bad news. Crapster.com is already taken.

Registrant:
c/o CRAPSTER.COM
P.O. Box 821650
Vancouver, WA 98682
US

Steamingbagsofcrap.com is available, though.



Somehow, it doesn't surprise me that Vancouver is full of Crap-ster... :-P

SESteve


quality posts: 15 Private Messages SESteve
charonpdx wrote:Okay, amalgamatedvomitworks.com registered and forwarded to qwikster.com.....



I love you most of all.

kiminca9


quality posts: 0 Private Messages kiminca9

Love you Woot! Just finished (finally) setting up my Roku (bought on Woot of course) , so I can cancel at least half my Netflix account. Once I get Amazon prime again (wouldn't THAT be nice to see on Woot?) I'll cancel the other part too.

pricecheckaisle5


quality posts: 1 Private Messages pricecheckaisle5

I'm laughing but on the inside, crying so hard because
I don't know what can be said to soothe Reed's feelings when he and the Rutt™ rub shoulders at the country clubs, cigar lounges, yacht clubs, tennis courts and golf courses.
Maybe Matt's offer to cuddle at a respectable rate will go a long way!

PS, I thought Reed Hastings was that dude from Fantastic 4, the Rubber Man. Well, we'll just see if the CEO can bounce back as well. Ga-herf, ga-herf! (My newly invented sound for a pokemon who knows they just made an asinine pun)

lizgreaves


quality posts: 0 Private Messages lizgreaves

I'm in!

And also....

The video is silly and funny!!

nweasel12


quality posts: 0 Private Messages nweasel12

I find this funniest most of all because... my last Bindle of Carrots contained NOT ONE but TWO broken High School Musical clocks. Not even joking. Thanks for calling out my name Woot, haha.

RevLoki


quality posts: 2 Private Messages RevLoki

I still think my idea of spinning deals.woot.com off into a specialty store that sells nothing but crab related items and calling it Crabster was better.

Harumph!

nuurgle


quality posts: 1 Private Messages nuurgle

I thought Netflix took the idea from you guys anyway after you started up kids.woot

yrguide


quality posts: 5 Private Messages yrguide

In for 3!

KIBullhorn


quality posts: 2 Private Messages KIBullhorn

OMGOMGOMGPONIESOMG... I love this so much. Why did I not get this email this morning??!! THIS is why I shop on Woot.com... YOU GUYS F@#$ING ROCK!!

Alexx1


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Alexx1

thank you for this that is all i have to say

perfgeek


quality posts: 0 Private Messages perfgeek

What's in a name... "Ten thousand nuns and orphans? What's so bad about that?" http://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75qjam.phtml

blindabraxas


quality posts: 0 Private Messages blindabraxas

i love you, woot.

i'll never leave.

if i worked for a boss like that i'd be proud of myself, make a lot less money, and have a better life.

crapster's gonna take all that right down the thomas crapper. what a ride.

I strongly suspect Woot! of waiting for me to hop in the car and head home from work every time they've got some Random Crap to throw up.

Orcrist42


quality posts: 7 Private Messages Orcrist42

Are you going to ship using distinctive packaging, like a crap-colored brown bag with a bold Crapster logo on the outside?

beezdotcom


quality posts: 4 Private Messages beezdotcom

Two problems with this approach, Matt:

1) Crapster is too cool a name to be all that _lame_, really
2) You never threatened to raise my monthly woot fees.

Other than that, nice job!

gmwhit


quality posts: 2 Private Messages gmwhit

I'm laughing at the humor (inadequate word) while at the same time trying to relax certain muscles. Difficult to do. If I HAD to work, it would be an honor to work at woot! <---that's crap, but at least it doesn't stink.

moxxee


quality posts: 13 Private Messages moxxee

Thank you, Matt, for caring so much. I had no idea that you cared so deeply about me, "moxxee". I vote for Matt Rutledge as the new Ruler of the World.