Dear Woot!: The Woot-off screaming monkey is the best dog toy ever. At least for my aging pup Foudi. We'd thought she'd lost a certain joy de vivre, especially after that knee surgery and the years of slow rehab, until we tossed that first screaming monkey. Her little shiba-inu-like eyes lit up with fierce vigor. She chased. She pounced. She shook that thing like that first mouse she caught at that construction site in Amsterdam, before we knew she was a good mouser and we had to watch out for that sort of thing and teach her to drop actual small live animals quickly so as not to kill any innocent creatures, even if the world suffers no shortage of mice. Or voles. Or opossums. Or whatever that thing was in Fish's basement that one time. Because it's just not cool to kill little creatures, even by canine proxy, when they can be safely trapped and released elsewhere. Which Foudi knows to do with real live screaming creatures now. But the screaming monkey, oh, the screaming monkey she shakes and tosses and pounces on again and shakes and ... well, you know that scene in "Never Cry Wolf" where the scientist dude discovers that the wolves don't kill the caribou at all, but instead spend their time pouncing straight up and down on field mice? It was like that. Only, with all that pouncing and shaking, a Woot! screaming monkey only lasts a couple of weeks, and then needs replacement. By another Woot! screaming monkey, because only the real deal will do.
A Woot! mini keychain screaming monkey, though? Not so much. Wrong sound entirely. Too small, too. Not for dear little elderly pup Foudi, who's quite the cricketer in addition to a mouser. Insects, we let her go ahead and kill. If it's tiny and it's got a carapace, have at it. Shake all you want, girl, and we'll trade you a treat for the exoskeleton when you're done. But for us, her owners, we worry about choking hazards from a Woot! screaming monkey this size. She might try to swallow it, and what then?
So, Woot! folks, I know you don't want our adorable little dog Foudi to choke to death on a mini keychain screaming monkey. And I know you don't want us to run out of regular-sized screaming monkeys and send our curly-tailed little one plunging back into the depths of monkey-less canine melancholy. So I know that you'll follow this keychain offering with one last Woot-off chance at a regular-sized screaming monkey or three.
You will, right? Please?