Banks are filled with money just like snow banks are full of snow. But until the government takes a good hard look at my proposal to get our currency onto the Snow Standard, snow banks will never be taken as seriously as normal banks. In fact, the only valuable thing you’ll ever find in a snow bank is the occasional car, but even then, the people who own those cars didn’t mean to put them there.
And you know what? They’re not the only ones who are upset with their unexpected automobile deposit. You might be peeved as well. Why? Because it’s possible that those people in those cars were consumers on their way to your business for a fruitful transaction, or just a “beneficial” transaction, if you don’t run a fruit store.
But hey, not to worry! We here at The Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership have discovered that, like anything, snow has a potential upside. That’s right! We’ve put together a list of ways to turn that cold, hard-packed snow into cold, hard-packed cash! Take a look:
1. Print ads for your company on the soles of sneakers:Snow covered sidewalks are like the surface of another planet, especially it just snowed on that planet. But just because they get a bit slick doesn’t mean your company’s profits have to slip. In fact, if you print ads on sneaker soles, you can turn every treacherous sidewalk into a series of commercials!
2. Open an organic cold storage facility: How do you use snow to exploit people’s love of natural, organic meat and vegetables? Simple! Just promote your snow-covered yard as a rent-able, organic refrigerator!
3. Buy stock in falling: The falling industry does nearly 53% of all its business when there’s snow or ice on the ground. That’s why, whenever you see the flakes falling, it’s time to get on the line with your trader and tell him to buy up all the falling stocks he can find! And use those exact words so he understands!
4. Start a “Snow Insurance” company: Nothing sucks more than going to sleep expecting heavy snow and then waking up to find only a dusting. Well, that’s where you come in! A dusting over a whole town will provide enough snow for two or three houses to get a blizzard. You simply need to find those people who love snow, write up some contracts, get a truck and a shovel, and then drive around all night redistributing the entirety of the accumulation onto clients’ yards. See! Easy money!
Now, it’s up to you. The Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership is offering a grant in the amount of “some vocal support” for the best snow-using small business idea. Simply pitch your business in the comments section by noon (pacific time) on Friday, January 20th, and I’ll announce the winner by 2pm (pacific time) of the same day.
