1. Wearing Clogs vs. Drinking Tea in terms of Marketing your New Album
A certain kind of person wears clogs, the kind of person who allows the heel freedom of movement while imprisoning the toes. Tea, meanwhile, can be consumed by nearly anyone: It can wake you up in the morning. It can help you relax in the evening. It is a essentially an all purpose hot beverage of uncontroversial flavor. So, when you’re marketing your new LP, you have to ask yourself: do you want to be seen as someone who discriminates based on shape and appearance (clogs) or do you want to be the kind of person who offers a little something for everyone (tea)?
2. A Basket vs. Nostalgia in terms of Grinding Coffee Beans Just Right
You can crush beans with a basket. Will they be “just right”? Probably not. But they’ll be finer than they were when you started. Nostalgia, on the other hand, will not only not grind your beans; it’ll actually make it impossible for you to ever grind your beans right again. You’ll always think back to cups of coffee from the past, remembering how perfect they tasted, and so your current cup will never see adequate.
3. Tongs vs. A Man-Made Lake in terms of Masking Your Emotions
Taking a dip in the man-made lake will wash away the tears, but if you do it too much, people will start to realize something’s wrong. "Why is he always in that lake?" you friends’ll wonder. "Is he keeping something from us?" Tongs are far more portable. You can take them anywhere, so you’re never mysteriously absent. And when you have them, you don't need to touch anything or anyone directly, which is important, as the slightest quiver in your hand can reveal your deepest, darkest thoughts.
Last week, user Turken straight-up schooled me on why a hand-buzzer is best for a buffet, thus earning himself the Rebuttal of the Week. Here, take a look:
When preparing to eat at a buffet, the true measure of preparedness is not the state of your stomach, but rather where you stand in line. After all, first in line gets the choicest pick of all the dishes. And if the buffet in question is a pot-luck dinner (vs. overpriced-all-you-can-eat-extravaganza) position in line is of the absolute importance!
Deep breathing is only useful in gaining a line advantage if those breaths are foul enough to push the competition out of the way. However, since you've yet to actually eat from the buffet, chances are it won't be all that foul yet.
On the other hand (ha!), a buzzer is the perfect tool for gaining your positional advantage. With a buzzer you can walk up to whomever is at the front of the line, feign a friendly greeting, and then after shocking them slip in front to grab a plate before they recover and realize what you just did.
Advantage: hand buzzer.
Now, you get the chance to follow in Turken's footsteps. So go ahead - post your rebuttal to the comments thread and you could be here next week!
Photos:"Tea" by flickr user, LoopZilla; "Baskets" by flickr user, Michael Hodge; "Tongs" by flickr user, Incase.. All used under a Creative Commons License.