There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.
1. A Fountain vs. Rice in terms of Defrosting Your Car
Fountains pour. Rice steams. Which is better for defrosting your car? Well, for the sake of this argument, let’s imagine that you’ve rigged up your fountain to pour hot water. In that case, the fountain wins, no contest. You get your car situated so that the hot water from your fountain trickles down onto the windshield? Bam! A defrost and a car wash all in one! Steaming enough rice in or around your car might also thaw it out, but here’s the thing: it’s steam, so it’ll fog everything up, and isn’t the whole purpose of defrosting your car so that you can see out the windows?
2. A Carbineer vs. A Carabiner in terms of Getting Across a River
A carbineer, the French soldier equipped with a carbine, might very well have some river fording experience, whereas a carabiner isn’t, by itself, going to help you get through the rapids. But even if it isn’t as useful, the metal hook still has the upper hand. Why? Because if you and your friends are out hiking and come to a river, and you say, “Quick, go find a carbineer,” 9 out of 10 times, your friends are going to come back with a carabiner, so you might as well start trying to figure out how to use it.
3. Steel-Wool vs. Truth Serum in terms of Making People Believe You’re a Wizard
There’s nothing magical about steel wool. It’s basically just a sponge that hurts. Incorporating steel wool into a wizard costume might look cool, but with all the scratching and chafing, you certainly won’t be carrying yourself with any of that characteristic wizardly dignity. Truth serum, on the other hand, can be extremely helpful. Not for you, but for your audience. Think about it: if you’re always dressing like a wizard and getting in people’s faces, eventually they might just be like, “yeah, sure, I believe it. You’re a real wizard” just so you'll leave them alone. That’s where the truth serum comes in. You need to know, do they really believe?
Last week's Rebuttal of the Week goes to user abitterwoman whose apt clogs-to-mullet analogy helped me see how the semi-sandals might be useful for marketing your new album:
I respectfully disagree with you on this one. Your argument that someone who wears clogs allows freedom of movement for the heel while imprisoning the toes is bunk. Clogs, much like the mullet, are business in the front, party in the back. People would therefore see you as both someone who knows how to have fun and someone who can get the job done. Tea drinking, on the other hand, only proves you have a softer side, and unless you are Enya (or Barry Manilow), this is probably not what you are going for.
Now, I'll be away for the beginning of next week, which means the next Completely Unfair Comparisons will go up on April 24th. So to keep things interesting, I'm going to try something new. Instead of rebutting an above comparison, try your hands at a blank one:
Tartar Sauce vs. Losing Your Voice in terms of A Job Interview
Best answer gets posted here! Good luck and see you in a couple weeks!
"Fountain" by flickr user, jelleS; "Sept:16" by flickr user, lovlihood; "Syringe" by flickr user, Andres Rueda. All used under a Creative Commons License.