If you are interviewing for position of chef in a seafood restaurant, the employer might have you cook some fish, in which case you might need some incredibly tasty tartar sauce to edge out everyone else and land the job. However, seafood chef is just one job in an entire world of possibilities, and not all jobs need tartar sauce. If you're trying out to be something that doesn't require talking and requires more action, like being a mascot, dancing, being a mime, etc., it doesn't matter that you don't have a voice. You can audition and land the job without a peep. Otherwise, there's always pen and paper.

Advantage: Losing Your Voice

Nothing says "wizard" like the ability to conjure fire and explosions. A person could use steel wool and a battery to create fire. I've also heard you can use steel wool and drain cleaner to create a chemical reaction fueled pressure bomb. With a little steel wool, you can convince anyone that you're a wizard!

Advantage: Steel Wool

Edit: if not a wizard, at least an enchanter.

When it comes to getting through a job interview, we all know anything you have to say will just get you in trouble (especially if you've got tartar sauce breath). Clearly your best bet is to sit there and let your looks do the talking.

Advantage: Losing your voice

I'm going to rebut this one anyway, because you soooo couldn't be more wrong when it comes to fountain vs. rice for defrosting a car.

I assume that you've never lived in a climate that regularly sees frost and ice on cars, because pouring hot water on a frozen windshield is a very costly mistake that you only make once! (beating your car with a 2x4 to break up the ice is another costly mistake you only make once. trust me on that one!!) And even if you luck out and don't shatter the glass from thermal shock, pound for pound, steam still has MUCH more ice-melting capacity than hot water.

Rice, on the other hand, is not only good at conveying steam, but dry rice is also highly efficient at adsorbing water. So, if you keep your car parked in a pile of rice every night, the moisture in the air will never reach it to form a frost layer in the first place!

Advantage: Rice

Tartar sauce goes with fish, and if you walk into a job interview with a jar of tartar sauce you're basically telling your interviewer that there's something fishy going on.
Losing your voice, on the other hand, can be beneficial. Not being able to talk means you can't say the wrong thing, and let's be honest here - your potential boss really just wants someone who's going to get the work done and not make a fuss. You wouldn't be interviewing if you didn't want to do the work, and you've lost your voice so you couldn't make a fuss even if you wanted to.
Unless maybe you whispered, but if you whisper angrily at your boss he's just going to laugh at you.

Advantage: Losing Your Voice

I was all set to rebut your wizardry argument but apparently bsmith1 likes to steal thunder (perhaps bsmith1 is a thunder stealing wizard...), so here goes:

Tartar Sauce vs. Losing Your Voice in terms of A Job Interview

Obviously A Job Interview's purpose is to get a job. And getting a job is all about making an impression. If you go in for a job interview and you've lost your voice, the only impression you'll make is that you are not confident. The interviewer asks something like, "What strengths would you bring to this job?" and you can't answer because you've lost your voice, then clearly you have no strengths and will not get hired. On the other hand, if when asked what your strengths are you produce tartar sauce, you are set. Because tartar sauce clearly goes well with fish and your prospective boss likes fish. If however your prospective boss doesn't like fish, then you really don't want to work for them anyway.

Advantage: Tartar Sauce

Real men are men of few words, so who needs a voice to do well during a job interview? If you simply nod or grunt in response to the interviewers questions, you are sure to appear intimidatingly masculine. So intimidating, in fact, that they would fear you far too much to turn you down for the job.

Tartar sauce, in contrast, was invented by the French. Need I say more?

Advantage: Losing Your Voice

A Fountain vs. Rice in terms of Defrosting Your Car

Respectfully, I will gently point out that Turken did not read the assignment. It says "defrosting" which means that the car is already frosted, not "preventing your car from getting frosted in the first place" which you also could have done by simply parking it in a rice paddy because it doesn't freeze there either.

But Turken was right about the final answer. Cover your car with rice and what will happen? Birds will see the rice and come eat it. And what do we know about birds? They eat a lot, and they have crazy active metabolisms. So they're going to eat all that rice, and at the same time, turn it into all sorts of heat. All those hot little fuzzballs hopping around your Chevy will warm it right up, and it will get defrosted. (Of course, you may still want the fountain to remove any "natural deicer" that this process might leave on your car.)

Advantage: rice

[And how come my Unfair Comparison doesn't show anything about job interviews? Are there different versions of UC? Or is this mass hysteria? Or do I have some undiagnosed perception problem that doesn't let me acknowledge the term "job interview"? It's probably just some nutter conspiracy plot and nothing to worry about.]

Tartar Sauce vs. Losing Your Voice in terms of A Job Interview

If you walk into a job interview with tartar sauce, the prospective employer will think you're a fish-eater. That's not necessarily a bad thing; maybe the interviewer likes fish, too. But maybe he or she doesn't. Either way, it seem likely that the inteviewer will follow some very basic logic:
1. This person has brought tartar sauce to an interview.
2. Tartar sauce is usually eaten with fish.
3. Catholics eat fish on Fridays during Lent.
4. The odds are good that this person is Catholic.
5. For a Catholic, the Pope hold the highest Earthly powers.
6. Therefore, a Catholic would think the Pope has more authority than me.
7. I don't want my employees being controlled by the Pope; they should be listening to me.
8. There's no way I'm hiring this person.

Meanwhile, losing your voice would be a setback for an interview, which is almost always conducted orally. But when you overcome that obstacle and still convey to the interviewer why you are the best person for the job, they will be impressed by your ingenuity and hire you on the spot without even interviewing all those other tartar-sauce-eating dullards who applied.

Advantage: tartar sauce

apoor wrote:A Fountain vs. Rice in terms of Defrosting Your Car

Respectfully, I will gently point out that Turken did not read the assignment. It says "defrosting" which means that the car is already frosted, not "preventing your car from getting frosted in the first place" which you also could have done by simply parking it in a rice paddy because it doesn't freeze there either.

But Turken was right about the final answer. Cover your car with rice and what will happen? Birds will see the rice and come eat it. And what do we know about birds? They eat a lot, and they have crazy active metabolisms. So they're going to eat all that rice, and at the same time, turn it into all sorts of heat. All those hot little fuzzballs hopping around your Chevy will warm it right up, and it will get defrosted. (Of course, you may still want the fountain to remove any "natural deicer" that this process might leave on your car.)

Advantage: rice

[And how come my Unfair Comparison doesn't show anything about job interviews? Are there different versions of UC? Or is this mass hysteria? Or do I have some undiagnosed perception problem that doesn't let me acknowledge the term "job interview"? It's probably just some nutter conspiracy plot and nothing to worry about.]

As the teacher who put a note on the last page of the test saying to turn it in without answering any questions said, "read all the way to the end." After the three unfair comparisons of the week, Sean writes:

Now, I'll be away for the beginning of next week, which means the next Completely Unfair Comparisons will go up on April 24th. So to keep things interesting, I'm going to try something new. Instead of rebutting an above comparison, try your hands at a blank one:

Tartar Sauce vs. Losing Your Voice in terms of A Job Interview

Best answer gets posted here! Good luck and see you in a couple weeks!

Tartar Sauce vs. Losing Your Voice in terms of A Job Interview

Let's say for the sake of argument that you are interviewing for the position of fishmonger mime. It would seem at first blush that the tartar sauce (when brought to the interview in a tasteful jar) has the advantage, as tartar sauce is frequently associated with fish. However, fishmongers only deal with fish pre-cooking, thus confusing (and potentially angering) a potential interviewer.

Losing your voice, on the other hand, has no comparative advantages. Having lost your voice would be a huge advantage to any mime-related job interview; however, being in the process of losing your voice during an interview would be a definite minus. Neither the interviewer nor interviewee would likely fully understand what was going on, let alone appreciate the irony of vocal failure during a fishmonger mime interview.

Advantage: Tartar Sauce

Tartar Sauce vs. Losing Your Voice in terms of A Job Interview

Let's say that you are interviewing for a Software Engineer position, one where whiteboard coding is a requirement. And let's face it, not all software engineers are sociable, tactful, or loquacious. Therefore, loosing one's voice wouldn't be so bad. As a candidate you could easily go up to the board, present your best code, and easily be admired by that interviewer.

The problem is that most jobs have a series of interviewers, a loop so to speak, instead of a single interviewer. This is where the process breaks down if you have lost your voice. As the next interviewer comes in, he or she gazes with giddy delight at your magnificent code--but only for a second. It is time for their insane problem solving question to rattle your brain, and guess what, the whiteboard isn't letting your precious code from the previous problem go. It's holding on to that dry erase marker pigment to its shiny surface like a child of the 80's attempting to break the skip-it world record! Without a voice, you won't be able to explain your eraser problem to the interviewer, and will immediately be seen as just another candidate, one not starting from a clean sla... whiteboard. However, that a jar of tartar sauce you have comes in handy for cleaning whiteboards. Vinegar is a well known cleaner, and ingredient in tartar sauce. That classy, chilled white wine vinegar goes right to work on lifting each for loop and if statement from its chicken-scratch glory to be quickly wiped up by the eraser, leaving a streak free board for you to answer your next baffling question.

Advantage: Tartar Sauce

cbrett42 wrote:As the teacher who put a note on the last page of the test saying to turn it in without answering any questions said, "read all the way to the end." After the three unfair comparisons of the week, Sean writes:

Yeah. I saw what sean wrote.

It's just that his initial comparison was so far off the mark that it demanded a rebuttal regardless of what the "assignment" may be, hence the opening statement in my reply. Seriously, you should NEVER POUR HOT WATER ON A COLD WINDSHIELD TO MELT ICE. It's a very bad idea, even if proposed tongue-in-cheek.

and for the record, any teacher who gives the "read all the way to the end and then do nothing" quiz is just being a lazy @$$ by assigning a time-wasting test that they won't/don't have to grade later.