Did you know it's illegal to have a pet falcon? Well, it is in the United States, anyway. You can only have falcons if you're a falconer, and actually using them for work like hauling tiny airborne plows through your field or something, we guess. Anyway, the point is Randall, one of the Woot Writers, was spending his workday Googling various ways to acquire a falcon when he discovered Royal Jordanian Airlines' policy on falcon transportation and initiated the following conversation in the Woot Writers' chat room:
Randall: Good to know.
Scott: The falcon lobby is full of hard men.
Amy: This is a problem for me, as I have 3 falcons and not enough money to buy an extra seat.
Randall: SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU SLEPT WITH THAT FALCON, WELFARE FALCON MOM.
Randall: FALCOBAMA CARE!
Scott: I wonder if Marvel comics' Sam Wilson has to check in?
Amy: That's presumptuous of you. I'm actually barren. I adopted my falcons.
Randall: Oh, my mistake.
Amy: But…I did it for the welfare, so…
Amy: I'm gonna pose nude in Playfalcon
Scott: I only read that for Norman Mailer's column on gender relations and how they influence hood styles.
Scott: THIS MONTH: MILES DAVIS ON MODAL RABBIT HUNTING. VULTURES: OBSCENE OR QUIRKY? AND NEW FICTION FROM TRUMAN CAPOTE.
Amy: And the naked falcons, perv.
Randall: I miss the days when you could just say, "I'm a talon man" and the falconeminists didn't get all up in arms about it.
Amy: "Hey, mister! My beak's up here!"
Randall: Look, it's just a fact of nature. I'm programmed to notice your vicious claws and decorative plumage.
Amy: Actually, it's the males who have decorative plumage. Oh. Oh I see. My mistake.
Randall: Oh, sure. A guy appreciates good preening and all of a sudden he must be a falcosexual. Bigtory runs both ways, Amy.
Scott: I recently looked at a Hustler but it was creepy how they focused on the perch so much. I prefer that falcon-next-door look.
Randall: I hate all that "barely fledged" crap. I want a real, mature falcon. Give me a 10-year-old mother of eight broods, not some chick still begging for meat from the gullet.
Jason: Those falcons in the magazines do nothing for me. What isn't silicone is airbrushed. And those stupid "sexy" expressions on their faces.
Amy: I'm not passing judgment, Randy…just taking note. My mom always said you don't choose the falcon you fall in love with. He OR she. Now my grandma, she was a total falconist.
Jason: Well, I don't care how they do things in the Gulf region: polyfalconry is morally wrong. I believe in one man, one falcon.
Randall: IT SAYS SO IN THE AUDOBON SOCIETY BOOK.
Randall: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z63ulmpKxAg Open 15 tabs of that. Now imagine you're on a plane with them.
Amy: OH GOD MY EARS.
Jason: The longest 1:17 on the internet.
Randall: "IF I DON'T GET ANOTHER G**DAMN GIN AND TONIC I'M TAKING THIS WHOLE FLIGHT DOWN."
Amy: My dogs actually just came running and doing that head tilt thing.
Randall: Jason brings up the point that Royal Jordanian Airlines might not even serve alcohol. So you'd better hope there's an opium den in the cabin or something.
Randall: http://youtubedoubler.com/3KP5 Found the sweet spot.
Amy: WHY DO I KEEP CLICKING ON THAT?
Scott: It's like watching Judge Judy.
Amy: Oooh I bet that's on right now.
Scott: Go on Amy. Do it.
Scott: Do iiiit.
Amy: Son of a
Amy: I think I'm getting used to it.
Gatzby: Not even one falcon punch joke out of all of that? I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed?
Amy: Falcon punch. Like a forceful strike to the face or a delicious fruity concoction?
Randall: I'm not explaining it. Look it up on urban dictionary.
Amy: Uh oh.
Randall: All right I'm bloggin' Falcon Talk.