There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.
1. A Marriage License vs. A Canoe in terms of Learning to Tie Your Shoes
A marriage license allows you to get married, an act often referred to as “tying the knot.” In this case, however, the tying is metaphorical (unless you’re getting married to a boy scout), and so provides little in the way of practice for shoe tying. With that being said, tying shoes isn't just about tying. It’s also about the surface on which you tie. The floor of a canoe is relatively difficult, as it rocks back and forth with your movement and the movement of the water, thus making it harder to get the laces where you want them to go. But that’s just the point; if you learn to tie your shoes on an unstable surface like the floor of a canoe, the far more stable surfaces available on land will be a breeze.
2. Sound vs. Darts in terms of A New Crayon Color
Pop quiz: why are movies called motion pictures? Because they’re pictures, but they move. Follow-up question: what technological advancement revolutionized motion pictures in the 1920s? It wasn’t darts, I’ll tell you that much. Darts were around since the birth of the film industry, but did they do anything to help? No! The technological advancement that made movies into what they are today was sound. Thus, a sound-colored crayon could might very possibly change the nature of wax on paper art as we know it!
3. Packing Peanuts vs. Regular Peanuts in terms of What to Fill Your Moat With
I live by three simple rules:
- Never put anything in your moat that you wouldn’t put in your mouth.
- Eat what you have around; not just what you want.
- Always have packing peanuts around.
Now it's the time you've all been waiting for, the announcement of last week's Rebuttal of the Week. Well, she had a good run, but unfortunately abitterwoman did not pull a Michael Jordan and three-peat. Partially because I was worried that, immediately upon winning, she would retire and pursue a career in minor league baseball, and honestly I cannot afford for my comment count to dwindle any more than it has.
But also because user 00000100, dropped some major pinball knowledge on me. Seriously, I'm not sure there's even an argument here, but still, I feel so intimidated by the amount of information here that I just have to give it to him:
2. A Wafer Cookie vs. Rollerblades in terms of Setting a New High Score on the Pinball Machine
As a pinball enthusiast, I can certainly concur that rollerblades make it VERY difficult to "bump" the table. [Which, for those of you unfamiliar with Advanced Pinball (note the capitalization), "bumping" is a very Advanced Technique (also caps) that involves carefully nudging the table in the direction that you need the ball to travel, ideally to prevent gutterballs and That Annoying Thing Where the Ball Goes RIGHT in the Middle of the Two Flippers (caps, TATWBGRM2F is the lingo you're more likely to hear at your local pinball alley.) In practice, it makes you look like you are aggressively trying to have your way with the coin slot (that dirty, dirty girl), and you will be mocked, until they see your score, unless they don't care about pinball scores.] If one were to be wearing rollerblades and attempt to bump the table, taking into consideration Newton's first law, one would simply roll away from the table as you watch your ball helplessly fall to a precarious fate.
However, when the multiball comes... [and then there's seriously, like, 2 more paragraphs that I don't have enough space for here, but you should read them because they're really funny. In the end, he comes to the following anti-climactic conclusion:]
Advantage: draw. Though my personal play style behooves bumping over multiballs, my friend favors the latter. It is a case of preference, not a hardened rule.
Do you have the knowledge to argue with any of the above 3 arguments? Can you summarize that knowledge succinctly? Then, post it below and check back next week to see if you've won!
"Peace in a Canoe" by flickr user, lifecreations; "Air Horn" by flickr user, edvvc; "Smiley Face Ice Cream Green Well Gastro Pub October 29, 20101" by flickr user, ThrasherDave. All used under a Creative Commons License.