WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

 Wow. That's all we can really say. We got a special advance copy of Diablo III, the biggest game release in years, and put over 100 hours into it. And now, on the eve of its release, we're going to share with you some of our favorite updates to the classic point and click dungeon crawler. You've heard the leaks, the rumors, and the hints at what may be. But only read on if you're ready to find out just how amazing this game is. Here's our list of our favorite features from Diablo III:

 
  • Intro cutscene plays out a 120 minute movie about the human condition and demands a small test on what you've watched as "copy protection."
  • Deckard Cain no longer asks you to stay, implies maybe you should have visited once or twice in the last decade.
  • New "Atheist" class allows you to smugly deny the existence of Diablo.
  • Integrated Farmville support.
  • Every tree is a unique NPC with a different side quest for the player.
  • New product placement contract means Warriors class regenerates health with Mountain Dew powerups.
  • Hip retro skins ($39.95 each) make the game look and play exactly like "Tapper."
  • To reduce complaints of sexism, all "chicks in chainmail" will be portrayed as 65 years old.
  • Players now capture and utilize small "pocket monsters" in their fight against evil.
  • Hardcore duel mode replaced with "casual friendly" football simulation.
  • Amazing final battle features incredible devil fiddlin' physics engine.
  • "Epic Retro Edition" comes with 6,200 floppy diskettes and a map.
  • Fully engaging dialogue choices determine what color tunic your character wears during the inevitably disappointing ending cut scene.
  • Witch Doctor class is voiced by Morgan Freeman to give him some dignity.
  • Newest "Darkest Circle of Hell" level pipes in audio from Xbox Live "Call of Duty" matches.

 

 

hotbbq


quality posts: 0 Private Messages hotbbq

Does it have a (lactose free) Cow level?

DaveInSoCal


quality posts: 18 Private Messages DaveInSoCal

Is an epic game of rock-paper-scissors REALLY how you challenge other players, or is it thumb-wrestling per original reports?


coolbiker


quality posts: 2 Private Messages coolbiker

SO what day do we have to be looking for with the woot diablo 3 mod on woot.com?

CowboyDann


quality posts: 716 Private Messages CowboyDann

Hahah excellent work!

OldMatador


quality posts: 13 Private Messages OldMatador

Will more than my right index finger be used while playing this game?

hghlnder72


quality posts: 0 Private Messages hghlnder72

will Wootalyzer be compatible to auto buy Bundles of Clones#39;s during a wootoff while scouring dungeons and battling?

abitterwoman


quality posts: 27 Private Messages abitterwoman

Very nicely done, Woot writers. Not sure if it is the NyQuil talking but that is by far the best thing I've ever read. That being said, would you mind bringing me some Woot! chicken soup?

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."

llandar


quality posts: 32 Private Messages llandar
abitterwoman wrote:Very nicely done, Woot writers. Not sure if it is the NyQuil talking but that is by far the best thing I've ever read. That being said, would you mind bringing me some Woot! chicken soup?



Absolutely, but it's refurbed.

abitterwoman


quality posts: 27 Private Messages abitterwoman
llandar wrote:Absolutely, but it's refurbed.




Wow. That would be real Brick of Carbonite, ey? ;)

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."

azhall


quality posts: 0 Private Messages azhall

Dig it baby /thumbs up

Whistler 1773 Laser & Radar Detector, Razer Diamondback 1600dpi Gaming Mouse, iRobot Roomba 4296 Remote Scheduler Robotic Vacuum, Adidas Short-Sleeve T-Shirt - 2 Pack, Schwinn GPS Heart Rate Monitor...

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

"Epic Retro Edition" comes with 6,200 floppy diskettes and a map.

Would that be the 3.5", the 5.25", or the 8" floppy disks?

ZeldaGamerMonthly


quality posts: 0 Private Messages ZeldaGamerMonthly

Even as a grumbling atheist, bullet point #3 got a big chuckle out of me. Thanks, Woot.

cyberia213642


quality posts: 0 Private Messages cyberia213642
OldMatador wrote:Will more than my right index finger be used while playing this game?



Yes. There are 2 mouse buttons and 4 other buttons/keys used for skills. A few other keys for other things too...

WootBot wrote:Players now capture and utilize small "pocket monsters" in their fight against evil.



No, you must be thinking of this feature from another upcoming game (expansion) by Blizzard involving Pandas.

SunnyDeeee


quality posts: 3 Private Messages SunnyDeeee

Yay for old arcade games! I just played Tapper last night.

00000100


quality posts: 9 Private Messages 00000100

"Witch Doctor class is voiced by Morgan Freeman to give him some dignity."

It's funny, 'cause I thought Witch Doctors were the coolest.


Then the beta came out.


Then I played the beta.


Now Demon Hunters are the coolest.

demon00689


quality posts: 10 Private Messages demon00689
"Epic Retro Edition" comes with 6,200 floppy diskettes and a map.



Will the map lead us to an uncontacted tribe in the Amazon rainforest that's still got floppy drives?