WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Mountain vs. A River in terms of Chess

Chess is a game of much stillness. When there is a move, it is important. Rivers are constantly in motion, flowing, rising, falling, all that. They just don’t have the patience necessary for a strategic game like chess. They’d be like the guy who uses his queen to take out a pawn leaving his king in check. Mountains, on the other hand, are the very picture of patience. In fact, they move so rarely that the phrase “to move mountains” has come to imply difficulty. But don’t ever confuse their stillness for laziness. No, mountains do make bold moves – like exploding and covering the surrounding landscape in lava and ash.

Advantage:

A Mountain
 

2. A Rat Tail (Hair) vs. A Rat’s Tail (Rodent Appendage) in terms of Winning an Eating Contest

Here’s everything you need to know:

  • When I was a kid, I had a rat tail.
  • I wasn’t allowed to have rodents as pets, so I never had a rat’s tail.
  • I once won a watermelon eating contest. And seriously, it wasn’t even close.


Advantage:

A Rat Tail (Hair)

 
3. A Pocket Watch vs. A Propensity for Solving Riddles in terms of Running From the Law

This one’s weird because if you’re the kind of person who can solve riddles, you probably have a pocket watch, and if you’re the kind of person who has a pocket watch, you can probably solve riddles. And if you’re the kind of person who has a pocket watch and solves riddles, you’re probably not shy about displaying either of these things in public. Also, it’s very likely that you’re the kind of person who wears old-timey wool suits (top hat and all) in the summer. What I’m getting at is you should just turn yourself in because you’re going to have a hard time playing it incognito.

Advantage:
Neither (you're getting caught)

Last week , I decided against the standard rebuttling approach and instead decided to host a dad-tastic Blank Comparison Contest. Winning the prize of having me copy-paste their response into the Woot blog is none other than user DisplacedAv[and then I can't see the rest of the username] who argues the virtues of the Venus fly trap over the championship belt:

It has become increasingly common these days to give out scads of trophies, to the point where everyone even showing up at an event is likely to receive one, regardless of the competition's outcome, their contribution to the final score--or even whether they contributed or not. As a consequence of these "participation trophies", it has become less and less exciting to actually receive an award. Similarly, if every dad had a championship belt--how exciting would that really be for any dad (or his children)? No one brags that their dad can beat up someone else's dad because he has a belly button--they all do!

If every dad had a venus fly trap, on the other hand, the world would have far fewer pesky bugs spreading disease around. Imagine going to a picnic without having to worry about dirty flies walking all over the potato salad!

Clear advantage: venus fly traps.

For this week, we'll be going back to Rebuttal of the Week format, so feel free to disagree, and I'll name the best disagreer next Tuesday!

Photos:"Mount Rainier, West Side" by flickr user, brewbooks; "French Rat Tail" by flickr user, cameronparkins; "Cumbria police officers" by flickr user, MichaelW1996. All used under a Creative Commons License.

TimDroz


quality posts: 0 Private Messages TimDroz

In terms of a Rat Tail (Hair) vs. A Rat’s Tail (Rodent Appendage) in terms of Winning an Eating Contest, a Rat’s Tail (Rodent Appendage) is clearly the greater advantage when you can place one in your opponent's dish. Unless you're competing against a cat.

abitterwoman


quality posts: 27 Private Messages abitterwoman

I still love these things, I just don't have the attention span to think that long and hard anymore so as to come up with one myself. Still enjoy reading everyones elses though

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."

dukeofwulf


quality posts: 7 Private Messages dukeofwulf
TimDroz wrote:In terms of a Rat Tail (Hair) vs. A Rat’s Tail (Rodent Appendage) in terms of Winning an Eating Contest, a Rat’s Tail (Rodent Appendage) is clearly the greater advantage when you can place one in your opponent's dish. Unless you're competing against a cat.



I don't know... I may be more willing to eat a rodent's appendage than the hair of someone whose hygiene is such that they would consider growing a rat tail.

inkycatz


quality posts: 105 Private Messages inkycatz
abitterwoman wrote:I still love these things, I just don't have the attention span to think that long and hard anymore so as to come up with one myself. Still enjoy reading everyones elses though


Me too.

I'm just hanging out, really.

yardell


quality posts: 0 Private Messages yardell

A Pocket Watch vs. A Propensity for Solving Riddles in terms of Running From the Law

If you're good at solving riddles, you're probably good at making them. If you're good at making riddles and have a penchant for run-ins with the law, the you can be best likened to either The Riddler or Carmen Sandiego. Neither of these two have ever had issues running from "law" itself. Though, in fairness, the former party did struggle with evading a man dressed as a flying rodent in a perpetual effort to indirectly avenge the death of his parents (who, mind you, were shot by a man he STILL hasn't caught. Nice one, Mr. "World's Greatest Detective").

However, if you have a thing for pocket watches and a penchant for run-ins with the law, then you're probably that Time Master guy. Again, put in his place by the psycho vigilante with the crusade that was doomed from the start just before he was (sorta) killed.

At any rate, If you wanna give yourself the best chance of outrunning the boys-in-blue: Stay away from people whose parents were randomly murdered in their childhood and brush up on your propensity for solving riddles.

dukeofwulf


quality posts: 7 Private Messages dukeofwulf
yardell wrote:A Pocket Watch vs. A Propensity for Solving Riddles in terms of Running From the Law
...
Stay away from people whose parents were randomly murdered in their childhood and brush up on your propensity for solving riddles.



Wow, I thought about taking just such an approach on this comparison, but I'm glad I didn't because you knocked it out of the park.