WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Hi Folks,

Tabitha, the office cow, has been having troubles lately. To wit: Her milk has been running sour. DO NOT EMAIL ME ABOUT IT. I don't have time for this, people.

But because I am a GRACIOUS person, I have created a decision-tree (attached below) for how to handle the situation. Please refer to it if you notice Tabitha's milk is at all sour. If I get any more emails about this, I swear to God…

BYE

Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager

Click to open full-size PDF:

shivanhaven


quality posts: 1 Private Messages shivanhaven

What is this? I don't even...

dseanadams


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dseanadams
shivanhaven wrote:What is this? I don't even...



^will be unprepared

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag

I'm fairly certain that this is going to conflict with the fire safety rules.

Also, we're out of rye. Some jerk let the chicken eat it last Friday. And they left the lights on!

There is, alas, no shortage of urine. Do we even have a maintenance staff?

coolbiker


quality posts: 2 Private Messages coolbiker

O.k but your missing the endless loop where you check if the milk is still sour and go till there is no more women or urine.

j5


quality posts: 63 Private Messages j5

Is this the place where I point out the improper use of women/woman in various places in the above chart?

move along

yishgene


quality posts: 0 Private Messages yishgene
j5 wrote:Is this the place where I point out the improper use of women/woman in various places in the above chart?


It's probably because coolbiker's loop is leaking women.

j5


quality posts: 63 Private Messages j5
yishgene wrote:It's probably because coolbiker's loop is leaking women.

well, leaking women is rather the point, innit?

move along

troutfly60


quality posts: 0 Private Messages troutfly60

Put some Bacon on it...if that doesn't help save Milk & Ashes,Combine with 4 lbs.molded cheese(any type), Blend thoroughly with any fish remnants ie. Guts,Heads,Scales,etc. pour in to anything glass,NOT Plastic,(just trust me on this one). Cure 2 -3 weeks, Makes one helluva gr8 Catfish stinkbait! lol

coolbiker


quality posts: 2 Private Messages coolbiker
j5 wrote:Is this the place where I point out the improper use of women/woman in various places in the above chart?



I think women is the plural of multiple woman.

Sill would be a creepy experience to be a woman in a room full of women in woot corporation that day.

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

You are missing one of the obvious solutions that doesn't require a flow chart, per se:

Take two (live) chickens, a bottle of green tabasco sauce (HAS TO BE GREEN), a turkey feather, and some Spanish moss.
Cut the head off of a chicken. Somehow get it into the Tabasco bottle, and shake vigorously (the bottle, not you). Wrap the OTHER chicken in the Spanish moss, and force the Tabasco down it's gullet. It should die shortly thereafter. Skin and gut the dead chicken. Take the (empty) Tabasco bottle and place it in the carcass of that chicken. Tie both chickens together with more Spanish Moss. Over a medium hot RED OAK wood fire gently roast the chickens until they are burnt to a crisp. Scrape the ashes/crispies into the hubcap of a 1993 Buick Skylark (must be a '93, anything newer is for personnel issues), and crunch it up until it is only a fine dust. While doing this, utter the phrase OHWA! TAGU! SIAM! three times. Take the ashes/dust and sprinkle liberally over the recalcitrant cow.

Easy peasy.

HomerTime


quality posts: 1 Private Messages HomerTime

In the question of "Is Tabitha's milk sour?", I thought Tabitha was a child drinking the milk. I was mildly confused when the chart asked if I had fed her sweet mash, slightly offended when it talked about her stall, totally befuddled by "does she emit a low moan in the presence of women" and horrified when it suggest I burn her.


HomerTime


quality posts: 1 Private Messages HomerTime
coolbiker wrote:I think women is the plural of multiple woman.


I think women is the plural form of a single woman. Regardless, "Place each women individually in Tabitha's stall" is a grammatical travesty.

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag
EssenGrabow wrote:Take the ashes/dust and sprinkle liberally over the recalcitrant cow.
Easy peasy.



Wouldn't that negate Tabitha's abilities to sense witches? Or maybe that's just the result you want!

Torches are filed under T, right?

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow
jcolag wrote:Wouldn't that negate Tabitha's abilities to sense witches? Or maybe that's just the result you want!

Torches are filed under T, right?



Is the desired end result to "fix" Tabitha's milk, or to locate all the witches in the office. If it is to locate witches, I refer you to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" for instructions.

rayray099


quality posts: 6 Private Messages rayray099
shivanhaven wrote:What is this? I don't even...



We say a pray for you and will torch a witch on your behalf