WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff


 
When I first announced we were going to do summer electives here at The Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership, power commenter abitterwoman suggested a course on how to kill flies. But violence isn’t what I’d like to promote here. So, instead we’re going to use this space to talk about why you should be thankful for bugs. 

Have you ever gotten home from the store, found a bucket full of gravel on your porch, and thought, “Great, what am I going to use this for?” only to answer to your own question moments later when you used it as an effective doorstop while unloading the groceries?


The answer is no, because a bucket of gravel on your porch is probably a sign that your house has been “marked” by some shadowy, super-powerful organization, so you wouldn't be worrying about unloading the groceries; you’d be calling the cops… if you thought still you could trust them.

But the moral is still the same: sometimes annoying stuff on your porch can turn out to be useful. And nothing’s more annoying and on your porch than bugs! Can they hold the door open? No, but they can do other stuff. And what's more: each one has a unique function. For example:

Spiders: You can teach someone basic counting by letting them count the legs on a spider. And you can teach someone advanced counting by letting them count the threads in a spider’s web. And you can teach someone abstract counting by letting them count the fear they feel just knowing there’s a spider around.

Flies: If raspberries went extinct, people would slowly forget what they looked and tasted like, and in a century, everyone would believe that real raspberries were blue and traditionally served in syrup-form over crushed ice, which would be sad. This is how it is with flies and buzzing. With more and more devices that buzz, we need flies to teach our children where buzzing started.

Praying Mantes: Life is filled with so many unanswered questions, so it’s nice when you can finally get some closure on stuff, like: “hey, I wonder how having fleshy hook things for hands would affect my love life?” Thanks to the praying mantis, we know the answer is badly.

Ants: An ant can serve as a great weight measurement tool. Think about it: since each one can lift ten times its own weight, if you see one carrying something, you know that thing weighs between 0 and 10 ants (since nothing can weigh negative ants). Sure, it’s not super specific, but it narrows it down from any number of ants to a well-defined range.

 

Those are the bugs we’ve studied extensively here at Sean University. Now it’s your turn. What bugs do you find the most useful?

nparus


quality posts: 1 Private Messages nparus

Butterflies are useful for entertainment purposes. They look like they're drunk when they're flying. I'm pretty sure they have a way of converting necter into booze which would also be useful.

Moony

avielectron


quality posts: 2 Private Messages avielectron

besides being a mobile abacus, spiders also offer for little or no charge child security services. Ive employeed spiders for several of my high priority child security services over the last 5 years. Nowadays you can find plenty of pricey solutions to child safety and security on the market, things like child safe door locks and no pinch door hinge protectors, but in my experience the only sure fire and affordable way to keep the kids out of the cabinets or away from swinging doors... spiders. Santa Claus needs a secure hiding spot, seems that spiders have moved into the garage/closet/attic for the winter. stay out of mommy and daddies room, there are spiders in there. Prescription drugs.. no no thats where we keep the spiders. And you can expand on this based on your own childrens gullibility. Thank you spiders, a job well done.

abitterwoman


quality posts: 27 Private Messages abitterwoman

This article made me laugh pretty hard. Especially when I thought it said praying "manatee" instead of mantes. A house full of praying manatees would be hilarious.

It also made me consider catching as many flies as possible and sending them to you in an aerated box so you, too, would know the joys of a horde of flies. I hate living next to people who own horses and blame them for this!

The most interesting insect is the mosquito. A co-worker once told me that her husband thought it was funny to carefully hold near an area on the skin where a mosquito that was feeding on him so as to slow blood flow, then suddenly release it so the mosquito would pop. I didn't believe it until my boyfriend said yes, he did that as a child. I've never actually wanted to try this, but the fact that it is possible intrigues me.

Edit: Or maybe my boyfriend said something else. I don't always listen.

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."

abitterwoman


quality posts: 27 Private Messages abitterwoman

By the way, is that a new logo for Sean University or have I missed it this whole time? Anyway, I like it.

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."

gregwarnert


quality posts: 0 Private Messages gregwarnert

I like turtles.