Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
NEW CASTLE, Pa. (UPI) -- The owner of a private zoo in Pennsylvania says he is the first person he knows of to become roommates with a giraffe.
However zoologists note that 68% of Americans unknowingly live with giraffes, a species often known as "nature's chameleon."
HULSHAGEN, Germany (UPI) -- German police said a privately owned kangaroo managed to elude capture when four officers tracked him to a local lawn.
And in a related story, Sylvester the Cat is amazed to have found the largest mouse he's ever seen!
LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- A research team led by U.S. scientists says it's developed a system of transmitting as much as 2.56 terabits of data per second using twisted beams of light.
Optics experts say that, in order to ensure the beams are truly twisted, they only use light emitted from Ichi The Killer DVDs.
BOSTON (UPI) -- Actor-producer Mark Wahlberg is working on getting his high-school diploma, the headmaster of Boston's Snowden International High School in Copley Square said.
In a controversial move his first essay on what he did last summer will not be pre-screened for critics, leading to rumors the paper will top out at C or less, not counting the foreign market.
SAN FRANCISCO (UPI) -- A Twitter executive offered an explanation for a service outage that left users around the world "tweetless" for about an hour.
Onlookers say the explanation, in the form of a play for 120 characters, was complex and hard to follow, and really would have benefited from some editing.
Giraffes Disguised as Cranes from Bex Walton and Kakihara from 'gnasher' are used under a Creative Commons License