WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

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Apocalypse?
Flickr photo Apocalypse? by Michael Lehenbauer used under a Creative Commons License

 

What would you do if the world seemed to fall apart before your eyes? Follow one man's diary of his descent in Wootpocalypse, Woot's new horror series.

 

 

July 1
7:30a
Happy Birthday to me! And hello to you, journal. No more "brilliant" ideas lost forever because I didn't have a notebook on me to write them down!

July 1
9:45a
Don't ever come to one of Hank's meetings unprepared again. What a friggin' jerk. Comedy idea: guy who has to be contrarian to everyone about everything. Even to the point where he defends Hitler!

July 1
3:10p
Oh goody, another random "terrorist warning" from the NSA. Idiots. Comedy idea: NSA tries to reintroduce the color code as something hip and new. Rainbow?

July 1
10:45p
Okay, getting better about writing ideas down. Now I actually have to start turning them into something!
 

July 2
10:15a
Pick up stuff for tacos for dinner.

July 2
4:15p
Really have to start working out. Started huffing and puffing walking up the stairs to the office today. It's three floors! Yikes. Gym tomorrow!

July 3
2:15p
Sweet Jesus this meeting is never going to end. Okay, ideas. Hmm. Screenplay: guy goes on European vacation, falls in love with hooker, rescues her from international sex slave syndicate. Title: "Red Light District." Hero's name should be Mason something. Mason…Sledge? Mason Murphy? Too Stan Lee.

July 4
11:30a
It is the 4th of July and I am getting absolutely trashed. I don't care what you say, journal. You can't judge me. I'm picking up Valerie and heading to Tim's and I'm not gonna stop drinking until someone makes me stop!

July 4
?? 11p?
Holy s&%*. What th

July 10
10:00a
Almost forgot about this thing. Been so nuts since the 4th, all I can do is watch the TV. Looks like Al Qaeda or whoever f*&%ed it up. Bunch of bombs went off in almost every major city, but no fatalities? Looks like it was supposed to be a biological attack but some idiot's Mr. Chemistry playset failed or something. Freaked us the hell out, though. One went off right over the city during the fireworks display. Val and I got the hell out of there. She's been staying at my place since then, finally convinced her to head home. Kind of nice to have my place back to myself, to be honest. At least I can fart with impunity again.

July 11
12:35p
Is it wrong to kind of wish something serious HAD happened so I'd get a few more days off? No quarantine means back to work.

July 17
3:00a
Can't sleep. Feel like I'm having trouble breathing. Cold sweat. Messed up thing is I'm actually hoping it's the flu. Stupid bomb scare has me all freaked out I'm gonna wake up with a mouth full of anthrax or something. Does anthrax go in your mouth? I don't even know.

July 20
2:30p
Food (canned/frozen)
Bottled water
Fruit/veg
Toilet paper
First Aid
MEDS
Ginger tea Valerie likes
Duct Tape
Tarp/Plastic sheets
Soap
Knife? Gun?

July 23
12:35p
Keep forgetting about journal, but too much going on. Turns out people are getting sick. Trying to stock food and water, but my apartment is like 700 square feet and mostly filled with computer crap. Working from home. Reports of looters. I hope having a light on is enough to scare 'em off. Not sure what I'd do if some dude broke down my door wanting my canned tuna. He can have it, I guess.

Everyone's still in the dark as to who planted the bombs, but my money's on China. If it is a bio attack, that's a little beyond anything a bunch of bearded weirdos living in caves could have pulled off if you ask me. Freaky.

July 26
10:45a
Talked to mom. People are getting sick there, too. Luckily if anyone's prepared to hunker down it's her; finally her Costco addiction pays off! I wish she was here so I could keep an eye on her. Still can't get hold of Dad.

July 27
2:25a
Can't hardly sleep. News is saying most hospitals are over capacity. Work gave me an indefinite furlough, which I don't mind since business has all but stopped entirely anyway. Apparently there were similar explosions throughout Europe and the Mid-East. Still no word on what the hell people are sick WITH, which is pretty freaking scary. Tough to tell what's legit information and what's hearsay online. I've read everything from bird flu to Ebola, from "dangerous only to the young and infirm" to over 90% fatality rate. Kind of freaked out.

July 28
4:45p
Holy s&%^. I think I just chased off my first looter. Potential looter, maybe. Proto-looter? Some dude sniffing around my door for way too long. I'd seen him on the street panhandling, but there's no one on the street any more. I watched him from the peephole, just sort of pushing on my door. Probably testing to see what's locked and what's not. I opened the door and scared the crap out of him. He ran away before I could even say anything. Thank God. Was worried I'd have to bust out that Kershaw knife I picked up. I feel bad; dude just needs some food or something, but everyone's in full on hoarder mode.

Haven't heard a peep from the neighbors. Not like they were all that friendly anyway. I think I'm the youngest here by 25 years. Valerie's coming over. Gotta clean. Need to go get more supplies, but I heard there was a riot at the Wal-Mart. At least people know how to treat each other at Safeway still.

July 28
6:45p
Val made it over safe and sound. She brought a ton of Instant Ramen. Also brought her stupid cat. Oh well. She's worried about her car, but I don't have an extra parking space.

July 29
9:30a
Holy s&%&. This is f&%*ed. People are dying. Like, by the hundreds. I cannot believe what I'm seeing. This is some Stephen King end of days s&%*.

July 30
2:30p
CNN is saying there are literally more dead bodies than spaces in morgues now. This kind of thing doesn't happen here. WTF. Should have picked up some of those surgical masks. Val is losing her mind. Still can't get dad on the phone, but I talked to Tracy and she said she had dinner with him the other night and he was freaked out. Mom says she's okay, but she keeps asking me to fly back home. Valerie's parents are at their lake house, of course, so they're fine.

July 31
10:15a
There is a dead body outside on the street. I woke up and it was there. I called 911 and they said they'd try to respond. Valerie hasn't stopped crying.

I am really starting to get freaked out.

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

Again?

Back to ye olde well-stocked basement fortress.

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 617 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

If I start having nightmares about this, I'm coming after you.



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brendan948725


quality posts: 39 Private Messages brendan948725

Damn. I was expecting some Woot-y twist at the end. No such luck. Now I will sleep scared tonight.



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joshaw


quality posts: 24 Private Messages joshaw

This is fun. You should make more references to woot products (or maybe link some insane moofi deals in the journal entries). Unless you're going for the 28 Days Later feel, that is.

ishoplive


quality posts: 2 Private Messages ishoplive

Oh, no. It's so complicated.

wellgolly


quality posts: 1 Private Messages wellgolly

"Turns out everyone's just come down with shopping fever! 75% off all mp3 players!"

duodec


quality posts: 14 Private Messages duodec

The Wootpocalypse cannot come until the inactive Zombie Monkey, carrier of the phage provided by Three Piece Woot! is reanimated and its gift spread throughout the world by screaming hooded (NOT masked) monkey (NOT teddy-bear) carriers.

I have no fear of this lesser Armageddon.

Look upon my Avatar, ye whiny, and despair!

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag
joshaw wrote:This is fun. You should make more references to woot products



When I started reading, I thought that's what was the punchline. Every time something was mentioned, I'm thinking, "I don't remember seeing that on Woot." The reference to Costco blew my mind.

berrie34


quality posts: 2 Private Messages berrie34

Any plans for a new site like Doom.woot where I could buy my discount apocalypse supplies?

ROGETRAY


quality posts: 177 Private Messages ROGETRAY

Staff

berrie34 wrote:Any plans for a new site like Doom.woot where I could buy my discount apocalypse supplies?





You mean like pistols and BFGs?!

Anorion


quality posts: 36 Private Messages Anorion

Dude, you can write! Ever considered doing this for a living? :3

Certified Linux Chemist Guy.
If I hated Apple products any more than I do, I'd be on lists.

Bunnyman


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Bunnyman

This was fun. I look forward to reading more!

neakyird


quality posts: 0 Private Messages neakyird

I have never been on the site before so I was just scanning around and came across the apocalypse article (which is really very good by the way) and I didn't know what to think. I was torn between this is a joke and waiting for the punch line or that some weirdo shopper had taken over the site!

blucrasher


quality posts: 0 Private Messages blucrasher

It's fine, I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight anyways.

Sharky35


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Sharky35

My AV is ME wearing a Lithium Ion Powered Gas Mask... with a NBC filter....

Guess what I used to do for a living!

Face76


quality posts: 5 Private Messages Face76

I took a similar pic this month.

austinrhea


quality posts: 0 Private Messages austinrhea

Wootpocalypse can't come until I receive my Kershaw knives at least. I'm still waiting to get them.

And I LOVE the idea of an Apocalpse.Woot! or WTSHTF.Woot! or TEOTWAWKI.Woot! There are thousands of items you could sell under that heading!

recninja


quality posts: 4 Private Messages recninja

Thought this had something to do with zombies at first. Good story nonetheless >___<