WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

You guys, I never meant to take a 3 week break from Completely Unfair Comparisons. However, then the Contest of Countries started, and there was back-to-school advice to be given, and I lost track of things. But I’m past all that now! And I’m back just in time for this Bacon Woot-Off! That’s why, this week, we’re focusing on the two quintessential breakfast meats. That’s right: it’s bacon vs. sausage!

1. Bacon vs. Sausage in terms of Feeling Love

One sausage patty or sausage link is enough for a sandwich. Doubling-up would be nutritionally irresponsible and logistically difficult to eat. That’s why, as Three Dog Night so eloquently put it, “Sausage is the loneliest meat.” Bacon is a different story altogether. A quality bacon-egg-and-cheese sandwich requires not one but two strips of bacon arranged in an “x” formation. This crisscrossing allows for maximum egg-area covered, and thus the widest distribution of the bacon flavor. Long story short: bacon, like love, requires that there be two.

Advantage:

 


Bacon
 

2. Bacon vs. Sausage in terms of Stress Relief

Feeling stressed? So stressed you just need to SQUEEZE something? Well, don’t reach for bacon. Uncooked, it’s thin and floppy. Cooked, it’s sharp and splintery. In short, bacon is not optimized for the release of tension. No, you want something you can really sink your fingers into, something that you can squeeze so hard that it comes out through your knuckles, something like ground sausage.


Advantage:


Sausage
 
3. Bacon vs. Sausage in terms of Learning to Live in an Unfair World

When placed into a difficult situation (a hot pan), bacon shrinks. When removed from a safe environment (its link casing), sausage crumbles. Neither will serve as a good role model as you embark on the bumpy journey known as life. No, you’re going to have to go this one alone, without a breakfast meat to turn to.

Advantage:

It's a toss up

Now, it’s your turn! No, not for a rebuttal. I want you guys to do your own comparison:

Bacon vs. Sausage in terms of Achieving your Dreams

Post your response in the comments below, and my favorite will get published right here, next week. Luvyaz!

 

Photos: "Bacon" by flickr user, cookbookman17; "sausage making patties" by flickr user, Rachel Tayse; "Uncertainty" by flickr user, nicubunu.photo. All used under a Creative Commons License.

Slydon


quality posts: 18 Private Messages Slydon

Staff

Bacon can be pre-made and kept cold, then used in sandwiches that can be easily transported while traveling the world in search of your dreams. Sausage, on the other hand, tastes kinda lousy when it becomes cold, and an SLT is such a horrible idea that not even a fast food place has attempted to make it. Someone full of cold sausage isn't dreaming. They're stagnant and and possibly waiting for the bathroom to open up.

ADVANTAGE: BACON

Hi, I'm one of the writers. My powers are limited but I'll do what I can.

dukeofwulf


quality posts: 7 Private Messages dukeofwulf

If you have either bacon or sausage, you've already achieved your pork-filled dreams. It's a toss-up.



...I take it back. Bacon sausage is my new dream. I need them both. Can I choose that? Both?

chengman


quality posts: 0 Private Messages chengman

Achieving your dreams very much depends on what your "dreams" may be. For some, climbing the corporate ladder, for others, spending more time with family. But to more generically "achieve your dreams", one might say that that ability is based upon the opportunities we are able to seize. In that, bacon has the clear advantage. Bacon has the distinct ability to enhance in any circumstance.

Standard food:
(Basic) Cheese burger
(Enhanced) Bacon cheese burger

Fancy Food:
(Basic) Filet mignon
(Enhanced) Bacon wrapped filet mignon

Healthy Food:
(Basic) Salad
(Enhanced) Salad w/ bacon bits

Sausage (even it's own rival):
(Basic) Just a plain sausage
(Enhanced) Bacon wrapped sausage

"Achieving your dreams" needs opportunity. Bacon provides many options for opportunity. Therefore bacon can help all achieve your dreams.

questionfear


quality posts: 0 Private Messages questionfear

When I was a vegetarian I missed bacon terribly. Sausage, not so much.

So one day, while missing bacon in the worst way, I popped a few slices of fake soy bacon in my toaster oven. Then the phone rang, and I walked out of the kitchen.

20 minutes later my toaster oven was on fire and my only thought was "this is god's way of telling me it's time to eat real bacon again."

Plus bacon can be combined into chocolate for a delicious salty sweet bar. Can't say the same about sausage.

So bacon wins for dream acheivement. Nothing tastes as good as bacon (burnt soy bacon especially is not tasty), and god loves bacon. Plus, who doesnt love bacon and chocolate? It's the ultimate dream come true.

jesseroo


quality posts: 6 Private Messages jesseroo

There's really only one good way to cook bacon. In a frying pan. Other methods of cooking just don't do it justice. Sausage, on the other hand, does well in a pan, on a grill, in the stove, in a bonfire, and probably any method of cooking you can come up with. To achieve your goals, you have to be flexible for what life throws at you, and therefore, sausage is the obvious choice.

thumperchick


quality posts: 253 Private Messages thumperchick
dukeofwulf wrote:If you have either bacon or sausage, you've already achieved your pork-filled dreams. It's a toss-up.



...I take it back. Bacon sausage is my new dream. I need them both. Can I choose that? Both?



It's good. It's damn good. You should make it.

thumperchick


quality posts: 253 Private Messages thumperchick
jesseroo wrote:There's really only one good way to cook bacon. In a frying pan.



You can quite successfully bake bacon in the oven. Also, griddle bacon works well.