WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Employees,

The IT department finally installed the new VPN admin system. This means that many of you can work from home as though you were actually in the office. I'm not a computer gal myself (as anyone who has seen me working on my Amiga can attest) but my understanding is that the new system is a TEXT-BASED VIRTUAL FACSIMILE of the actual office, and lets you perform tasks as though you were here.


Here is an example of my day working from home, to give you a sense of how it works.

|||||||||
|||||
WELCOME TO VIRTUA-OFFICE 1.04


You are sitting in an office at a desk.

> Look

It is a simple office. There is a desk against one wall holding a computer, and a trash can next to the desk. To the south is a door into the hallway.

> Inspect trash can

There are several empty Lean Cuisine pizza boxes in there, as well as a monkey-wrench.

> Take monkey-wrench

Taken.

> I

Your inventory: Security badge, day-by-day prescription pill container, monkey-wrench.

> Turn on computer

How do you 'Turn on'?

> Boot

What do you want to boot?

> Boot computer.

The computer whirrs and the monitor flickers to life. On your desktop is an image of YOUR DIABETIC CAT.

> Open email

You open your computer's email application. You see that you have 104 new messages, 4 of which are marked "urgent."

> Delete emails.

Are you sure you want to delete all new emails? y/n

> y

Your emails are deleted.

> S

You head out the doorway and into the hallway. The hallway runs north into the break room, and south into the cubicle area.

> N

You enter the break room. There are several employees sitting at the table, looking at a smart phone and laughing.

> Sigh

How do you want to sigh?

> Sigh derisively

You sigh derisively, and the employees notice your presence. They stop laughing, one of them shaking his head.

> Use monkey-wrench.

What do you want to use the monkey-wrench on?

> Use monkey-wrench on insolent employee.

You hit the insolent employee over the head with the monkey-wrench. Blood begins pouring out of the young man's head in a surprisingly viscous geyser. The other employees grab the wrench from you and pin you against the wall. They call the police who take you to jail. After a straightforward homicide trial you are convicted on all counts and sentenced to life in prison, no parole.

THE END

||

See, folks, that's how it works. It will be slightly different for you (you will not start in my office, for instance), but the basics are the same. Please email Ron in IT if you have any questions. Also, Dylan the temp is no longer working with us.

-Bye-

Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager

sgtgreeneusmc


quality posts: 5 Private Messages sgtgreeneusmc

lmfao

sarareina84


quality posts: 0 Private Messages sarareina84

So was that geyser of blood really viscous? Because that would be surprising indeed. I'm also pretty sure it would take quite a bit of time for someone to die from a head wound that was bleeding viscously.

Why yes, I have been called pedantic before, why do you ask?

claren44


quality posts: 0 Private Messages claren44

She was my office manager. Got early release, eh Katie?

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

When I tried to leave my office, I ended up in a maze of corridors - all alike.

What is a straightforward homicide trail?

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag

Oh, no! Every time I try to access the XYZZY report, I end up back in the lobby!

curtise


quality posts: 20 Private Messages curtise

I'd agree to work from home if my text office included the occasional Leather Goddess of Phobos.
But not if there are any Grues about. I have been known run out of torches, and I certainly don't want to be eaten.
-=C=-

fourpawprints


quality posts: 1 Private Messages fourpawprints

Help! I can't get out of the dungeon. I keep going straight ahead, but to no avail. Can't find the stairs. If this is how you treat new employees, I want to quit!

eholling


quality posts: 10 Private Messages eholling

> Boot computer.
You kick computer across the room and out of the window. Guess you're screwed now.

Bouts of Consternation:
8/17/11; 9/14/11; 10/12/11; 11/09/11, 12/06/11; 4/26/12

And right now.

wrupp53150


quality posts: 1 Private Messages wrupp53150

XYZZY

larryedit


quality posts: 0 Private Messages larryedit

Amigas!! I miss them.

mikebbass


quality posts: 21 Private Messages mikebbass

I can't start my day if I don't wake up in a twisty maze of passages that all look alike.

Proudly tracking via WootStalker.com
= 27
  • Bags Of Crap

    1. The Bag of Shirt Crap 7/11/2014
    2. Blackboard of Cleanliness 7/11/2014
    3. (Hand)Blackboard of Cleanliness 3/23/2014
    4. 2nd Day of Crapness 12/4/13
    5. 45 Down Crossword 4/23/13
    6. FCWCECKMFONPTDMIPWAACBFMIGWS 9/18/12
    7. good-old-golden-crap-days 8/13/12
    8. we-eight-the-crap 7/12/12
    9. in-your-crapday-suit 7/12/12
    10. feliz-crapleanos 7/12/12
    11. who-smell-just-like-you 7/12/12
    12. not-exactly-a-goodie-bag 7/12/12
    13. Barrel of Crops 05/22/12
    14. Barrel of Crops 04/25/12
    15. Blackboard of Cleanliness 03/22/12
    16. Blackboard of Cleanliness 01/19/12
    17. Santa's Sack of Crap 12/25/11
    18. Blackboard of Cleanliness 12/06/11
    19. Blackboard of Cleanliness 11/09/11
    20. Blackboard of Cleanliness 07/12/11
    21. Blackboard of Cleanliness 06/15/11
    22. Random Crap 09/22/10
    23. Random Crap 08/20/10
    24. Random Crap 04/14/10
    25. Random Crap 01/28/10
    26. Random Crap 09/24/08
    27. Random Crap 04/01/08

    mikebbass


    quality posts: 21 Private Messages mikebbass
    curtise wrote:I'd agree to work from home if my text office included the occasional Leather Goddess of Phobos.
    But not if there are any Grues about. I have been known run out of torches, and I certainly don't want to be eaten.
    -=C=-



    I miss the grues. I loved that game.

    Proudly tracking via WootStalker.com
    = 27
  • Bags Of Crap

    1. The Bag of Shirt Crap 7/11/2014
    2. Blackboard of Cleanliness 7/11/2014
    3. (Hand)Blackboard of Cleanliness 3/23/2014
    4. 2nd Day of Crapness 12/4/13
    5. 45 Down Crossword 4/23/13
    6. FCWCECKMFONPTDMIPWAACBFMIGWS 9/18/12
    7. good-old-golden-crap-days 8/13/12
    8. we-eight-the-crap 7/12/12
    9. in-your-crapday-suit 7/12/12
    10. feliz-crapleanos 7/12/12
    11. who-smell-just-like-you 7/12/12
    12. not-exactly-a-goodie-bag 7/12/12
    13. Barrel of Crops 05/22/12
    14. Barrel of Crops 04/25/12
    15. Blackboard of Cleanliness 03/22/12
    16. Blackboard of Cleanliness 01/19/12
    17. Santa's Sack of Crap 12/25/11
    18. Blackboard of Cleanliness 12/06/11
    19. Blackboard of Cleanliness 11/09/11
    20. Blackboard of Cleanliness 07/12/11
    21. Blackboard of Cleanliness 06/15/11
    22. Random Crap 09/22/10
    23. Random Crap 08/20/10
    24. Random Crap 04/14/10
    25. Random Crap 01/28/10
    26. Random Crap 09/24/08
    27. Random Crap 04/01/08

    DaveInSoCal


    quality posts: 17 Private Messages DaveInSoCal

    Yellow.


    gmarkward


    quality posts: 0 Private Messages gmarkward

    That is a ADM-3A terminal, I remember them. RS232, 9600 baud on a good day.

    homechicken


    quality posts: 0 Private Messages homechicken

    IRL-MUD: Where you can shoot your coworkers for experience.

    MISRy


    quality posts: 0 Private Messages MISRy

    You need to work on your commands,

    take trash then look in it

    take monkey then drop trash

    if you go south to go into the hallway going north from there would take you back to the cubicle. (Report the error and get a free t-shirt.)

    if you use the wrench on someone wouldn't you be twisting their nose a la the Three Stooges?

    the command should be,

    hit insolent with monkey
    again
    again
    again
    again
    ...

    j5


    quality posts: 63 Private Messages j5

    Give sandwich to dog.
    (Gotta make sure this ends well)

    move along

    paradise


    quality posts: 0 Private Messages paradise

    Sheldon using the world's most powerful graphics chip, imagination!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCpr_QHAqks

    rhmurphy


    quality posts: 19 Private Messages rhmurphy

    So, I boot my (t)rusty PDP-8 and say:

    .R FRTS
    *ADVENT$
    Welcome to Adventure!! Would you like instructions?

    > yes
    Somewhere nearby is Colossal Cave, where others have found fortunes in treasure and gold,though it is rumored that some who enter are never seen again. Magic is said to work in the cave. I will be your eyes and hands. Direct me with commands of 1 or 2 words. I should warn you that I look at only the first four letters of each word,so you'll have to enter "northeast" as "ne" to distinguish it from "north".
    (Should you get stuck, type "help" for some general hints. For information on how to end your adventure, etc., type "INFO".)
    - - -
    This program was originally developed by Willie Crowther. Most of the features of the current program were added by Don Woods.
    This version, for the PDP-8, was done by Rick Murphy. it is based on a version for RT-11 done by Bob Supnik.

    You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building.
    Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.

    > enter
    You are inside a building, a well house for a large spring.

    There are some keys on the ground here.

    There is a shiny brass lamp nearby.

    There is food here.

    There is a bottle of water here.

    > take lamp
    Taken.

    > take keys
    Taken.

    > out
    You're at end of road again.

    > south
    You are in a valley in the forest beside a stream tumbling along a rocky bed.

    > south
    At your feet all the water of the stream splashes into a 2-inch slit in the rock. Downstream the streambed is bare rock.

    > s
    You are in a 20-foot depression floored with bare dirt. Set into the dirt is a strong steel grate mounted in concrete. A dry streambed leads into the depression.

    The grate is locked.

    > unlock grate
    The grate is now unlocked.

    > down
    You are in a small chamber beneath a 3x3 steel grate to the surface.
    A low crawl over cobbles leads inward to the west.

    The grate is open.

    > west
    You are crawling over cobbles in a low passage. There is a dim light at the east end of the passage.

    There is a small wicker cage discarded nearby.

    > get cage
    Taken.

    > w
    It is now pitch dark. If you proceed you will likely fall into a pit.

    > lamp on
    Your lamp is now on.

    You are in a debris room filled with stuff washed in from the surface.
    A low wide passage with cobbles becomes plugged with mud and debris here, but an awkward canyon leads upward and west. A note on the wall
    says "MAGIC WORD XYZZY".

    A three foot black rod with a rusty star on an end lies nearby.

    > take rod
    Taken.

    > w
    You are in an awkward sloping east/west canyon.

    > w
    You are in a splendid chamber thirty feet high. The walls are frozen rivers of orange stone. An awkward canyon and a good passage exit from east and west sides of the chamber.

    A cheerful little bird is sitting here singing.

    > drop rod
    OK!

    > get bird
    Taken.

    > get rod
    Taken.

    > w
    At your feet is a small pit breathing traces of white mist. An east passage ends here except for a small crack leading on.

    Rough stone steps lead down the pit.

    > d
    You are at one end of a vast hall stretching forward out of sight to the west. There are openings to either side. Nearby, a wide stone staircase leads downward. The hall is filled with wisps of white mist swaying to and fro almost as if alive. A cold wind blows up the staircase. There is a passage at the top of a dome behind you.

    Rough stone steps lead up the dome.

    > d
    You are in the Hall of the Mountain King, with passages off in all directions.

    A huge green fierce snake bars the way!

    > drop bird
    The little bird attacks the green snake, and in an astounding flurry
    drives the snake away.

    > quit
    Do you really want to quit now?

    > yes
    OK!

    You scored 52 out of a possible 350 using 24 turns.
    Your score qualifies you as a Novice Class Adventurer.

    To achieve the next higher rating, you need 49 more points.

    Woot! Now 100+ woots for me!
    That's 87 woots (Including Twelve Bats On Crack!), 12 Sellout.woots, 8 wine.woots and 4 kids.woots, and finally, 2 shirt.woots!