WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Hello,

We've had some complaints about the condition of the restrooms. It seems people (if they can be designated as such) have been throwing paper towels on the floor, leaving the water running in the sink, and failing to direct the stream of their urine accurately.


None of this is new, of course. And none of it surprises me. You are all animals. Dirtier, indeed, and fouler than many animals. Even cats cover their feces, and maintain a hygienic distance between these functions and their daily doings. Oh that you were all cats.

I have endeavored, in my eight years at this office, to try every ruse imaginable to rid you people of your bathroom barbarism. To no avail. Instead of instituting more half-measures and pleas to your sense of decency, therefore, we are overhauling the system by which employees deposit their waste:

  • The toilets and/or urinals in the bathrooms will be removed altogether.
  • The floor will be replaced with a  slaughterhouse-style grating.
  • Access to the bathrooms will only be allowed during a communal feces-deposition period between 9:00am-9:10am
  • Employees will be thoroughly sprayed with a hose following feces deposition. This service is not optional
  • Employees will see each other, shivering and cowering in their shameful nakedness, and remember that they brought this upon themselves.

- Bye -

Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager

ROGETRAY


quality posts: 167 Private Messages ROGETRAY

Staff

is that a giant vat of Cool Mint Listerine?!

Must be one of the perks of working for HQ.

coolbiker


quality posts: 2 Private Messages coolbiker

Why not just set up card access and snap pictures as they exit. At least then you won't have a riot on your hands, just disgruntled looks.

Still a little dark for an office manager. I wonder if this is only the first or the result of many like the Christmas party email?

If the mirrors are any indication how bad can your bathroom stalls be?

bobitus


quality posts: 0 Private Messages bobitus

Woot the hell is going on there? Some tissue on the bathroom floor, some errant urine spray and the office manager goes nutzoid. Think you people ought to organize before you meet the same fate as your bovine brethren and find yourself with a bolt to the forehead for keeping an untidy desk. I wonder what condition the Ladies Room is in?

baybei


quality posts: 49 Private Messages baybei

I've heard stories of people in mental institutions that used to be cleaned/bathed that way.

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

I've seen this at other companies, and it isn't pretty.

Since everyone is going to get hosed down anyway, "poo" fights become commonplace (especially between rivals).

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag

Sadly, and not just going with the bit, I have noticed a recent decline in comprehension of how urinals are to be used.

I've also noted an uptick in men who walk into a busy men's room, apparently just to loudly say, "who, full house!" as if this is innovative and useful information...

Speaking of cats, though, why not just replace the bathrooms with a gigantic version of one of those automatic litter boxes? Seems like it'd be cheaper in the long run.

Alternatively, two words: "Third rail." The employees might pee on the floor once, but probably won't do it again.

Jessara


quality posts: 7 Private Messages Jessara
jcolag wrote:Sadly, and not just going with the bit, I have noticed a recent decline in comprehension of how urinals are to be used.

I've also noted an uptick in men who walk into a busy men's room, apparently just to loudly say, "who, full house!" as if this is innovative and useful information...

Speaking of cats, though, why not just replace the bathrooms with a gigantic version of one of those automatic litter boxes? Seems like it'd be cheaper in the long run.

Alternatively, two words: "Third rail." The employees might pee on the floor once, but probably won't do it again.



I like the way you think. Perhaps a buzzer that sounds & flashes the lights when liquid closes the circuit. No, both!

nparus


quality posts: 1 Private Messages nparus

Replace all your desk chairs with toilets. It will increase productivity and keep the animals in their stalls, I mean cubicals.

Moony

tiffhoney


quality posts: 0 Private Messages tiffhoney

Men: It's not as long as you think it is. Please accept that fact and take a step closer to the urinal when you go.

ChronoSquall14


quality posts: 39 Private Messages ChronoSquall14

There are no horror stories at my workplace out of the men's room. The ladies', though, is a horror show. There are unnatural things at play there.

robbiebb


quality posts: 0 Private Messages robbiebb

I would buy some slaughterhouse-style grating for my mud room if you were to have any leftover or wanted to buy in bulk ...next wootoff?

LaVikinga


quality posts: 13 Private Messages LaVikinga

Does the "BA" after Ms TP's name stand for "Bathroom Authority?" Just put a bucket behind a bush and let them fend for themselves!

Women can be worse than men when it comes to the bathroom.
Once, while on a cross country trip, I must have been following the same toilet-seat-pissing woman from state to state. Every. Single. Toilet. Urine.
I can understand a woman having a fear of public bathrooms, but at least have the damned courtesy to wipe up your own urine!

Wine may not heal all things, but it sure will make you feel a whole lot better.