WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

TORONTO (UPI) -- A 26-year-old man who was abused by his father was given a life sentence in Toronto Tuesday for killing his father with a crossbow in a public library.

Col. Mustard, released from prison this morning, says he may consider a wrongful arrest lawsuit as he attempts to rebuild his life.

 

Colman's Mustard powder

 

ST-LOUIS-DE-BLANDFORD, Quebec (UPI) -- Thieves in Quebec stole about $30 million worth of maple syrup from a storage facility owned by the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, officials said.

Mounties are currently searching for a very large and happy man passed out on a $15 million dollar pancake tower.

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (UPI) -- Hundreds of protesters marched through uptown Charlotte, N.C., Sunday in advance of the Democratic National Convention this week.

The streets echoed with chats of "Hey hey! Ho ho! We got here too early, shut up, we know!"

 

Protest March

 

MOSCOW (UPI) -- An underwater drone is being developed in Russia, a defense industry official said.

Sources say that right now, the drone sounds like "Buhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" but it might quickly reach "Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" with a little more practice and a slightly different bathtub shape.

ITHACA, N.Y. (UPI) -- In the 1960s, some ate dinner with dimmed lighting with music playing on the stereo and it may have resulted in smaller waistlines, U.S. researchers say.

Others theorize that the research simply proves no one can keep down their dinner through two full sides of an easy listening album.

from AndyRobertsPhotos and protest march from Yuya Tamai are used under a Creative Commons License



Quality Posts

  • (11:19 AM, 9/5/2012) abitterwoman returns


abitterwoman


quality posts: 27 Private Messages abitterwoman

The first joke and the last were my favorites, although I do enjoy a good pancake joke, too. I would go make some bacon and pancakes as I am hungry now, but you killed bacon Murderers.

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."

maxrfb


quality posts: 8 Private Messages maxrfb

I am not sure if I am proud, or disappointed that this story from Dallas did not make it into the WWtW post this week.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/05/stolen-tampons-warning-kotex-kimberly-clark-health-issues_n_1857328.html?utm_hp_ref=health-news

wow. I actually bought a Robot Elvis.
What was I thinking?

tslothrop


quality posts: 12 Private Messages tslothrop

"Thieves in Quebec stole about $30 million worth of maple syrup from a storage facility owned by the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, officials said."

My guess: Mrs. Butterworth in the Log Cabin with a Spile.