WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- Liam Neeson's maritime actioner "Battleship" is the top-selling DVD and Blu-ray in the United States, Billboard.com reported Thursday.

Lawyers say this means nobody in America can legally complain when they release "Morgan Freeman's Game Of Life" in about sixteen months.

 

playing game of life

 

PASADENA, Calif. (UPI) -- A 93-year-old woman says vandals destroyed giant pumpkins she was growing in her yard in Pasadena, Calif.

Sources say rock stars Billy Corgan and James Iha are readying a joint press statement asking everyone to please stop calling them about the story.

LAGOS, Nigeria, (UPI) -- Nigerian drug agents arrested an auto technician allegedly carrying five pounds of cocaine concealed in a roast chicken.

DEA insiders say if it had been a rubber chicken, the arrest would have been known as a "Robin Williams".

 

a chicken in Trafalgar Square

 

CARLTON, Mich. (UPI) -- A Minnesota casino said it set a Guinness World Record by cooking up a 2,014-pound bacon cheeseburger.

The burger was served with 6,324 french fries and a 300 liter Diet Coke.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Recent U.S. college graduates still living with their parents are getting the needle from KFC, a major purveyor of take-out comfort food.

Attorneys urge the graduates to contact them as soon as possible, saying there's huge class action potential if that many people are finding needles in their food.

playing game of life from Fabian Bromann and a chicken in Trafalgar Square from IntangibleArts are used under a Creative Commons License



Quality Posts


dlancioni


quality posts: 3 Private Messages dlancioni

"Corrigan" hahahaa

Slydon


quality posts: 17 Private Messages Slydon

Staff

dlancioni wrote:"Corrigan" hahahaa



Fair! In my defense, I've got a serious cold.

Hi, I'm one of the writers. My powers are limited but I'll do what I can.

joshaw


quality posts: 24 Private Messages joshaw

LAGOS, Nigeria, (UPI) -- Nigerian drug agents arrested an auto technician allegedly carrying five pounds of cocaine concealed in a roast chicken.

Dir Sir or Madam,
I am writing to inform you are primary beneficiary listed by one Alf A. Romeo. In possession includes one leg and one thigh of a roast chicken along with 2.7 pounds of cocaine. Please send payment of $419 for shipping of said items to the address listed below.
Sincerely,
General Sanni Abacha, Late Dictator of Nigeria

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag

Clearly, if Morgan Freeman is going to be in anything nostalgia-based, I think he should take on the role of a villain (or multiple villains) that takes him back to his roots. Imagine him in a remake of the best superhero series of the '70s and '80s: Spidey!, a gritty, gory version of the old Electric Company sketches, tying together multiple Hollywood obsessions.

"Nobody knows who you are," indeed. I can't wait to see the thought bubbles in 3D as Spidey grabs them out of the sky to decapitate his enemies.

Slydon


quality posts: 17 Private Messages Slydon

Staff

jcolag wrote:Clearly, if Morgan Freeman is going to be in anything nostalgia-based, I think he should take on the role of a villain (or multiple villains) that takes him back to his roots. Imagine him in a remake of the best superhero series of the '70s and '80s: Spidey!, a gritty, gory version of the old Electric Company sketches, tying together multiple Hollywood obsessions.



I'm not sure your age, but I gotta ask... you DO know that Morgan Freeman was actually ON The Electric Company, right?

Hi, I'm one of the writers. My powers are limited but I'll do what I can.

Moueska


quality posts: 54 Private Messages Moueska
joshaw wrote:
Dir Sir or Madam,
I am writing to inform you are primary beneficiary listed by one Alf A. Romeo. In possession includes one leg and one thigh of a roast chicken along with 2.7 pounds of cocaine. Please send payment of $419 for shipping of said items to the address listed below.
Sincerely,
General Sanni Abacha, Late Dictator of Nigeria



CAN WE GET A QUALITY POST, PLZ!

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag
Slydon wrote:I'm not sure your age, but I gotta ask... you DO know that Morgan Freeman was actually ON The Electric Company, right?



Yes, and often even played the villain in the Spidey sketches. I meant that to be part of the point, but I see that got buried in editing. Oops.

Slydon


quality posts: 17 Private Messages Slydon

Staff

jcolag wrote:Yes, and often even played the villain in the Spidey sketches. I meant that to be part of the point, but I see that got buried in editing. Oops.



I know how that goes.

Hi, I'm one of the writers. My powers are limited but I'll do what I can.

joshaw


quality posts: 24 Private Messages joshaw
Moueska wrote:CAN WE GET A QUALITY POST, PLZ!



Ahh, thanks Moueska! A nice comment means more than a quality post.

Shinespark


quality posts: 32 Private Messages Shinespark

If D'arcy wanted a call she shouldn't have quit.

abitterwoman


quality posts: 27 Private Messages abitterwoman

I had to explain the Smashing Pumpkins one to my boyfriend- the little tyke. He's 3 years younger than I.

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."