WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. Rigatoni vs. Broad Shoulders in terms of Sailing the High Seas

Rigatoni? That’d help you fit in to Italy, but this isn’t “Rigatoni vs. Broad Shoulders in terms of Sailing to Italy,” is it? No, we’re talking about sailing the high seas. That’s why broad shoulders win hands down. Think about it: the sea is wide and expansive, your shoulders are wide and expansive, that means you two have a way to relate to each other. You can be like, “Not easy being so expansive, huh sea?” and the sea will be like, “Finally, someone who understands!” and give you safe passage.

Advantage:


Broad Shoulders
 

2. A Hook vs. An Eye Patch in terms of Flirting

"He’s really got his hooks in me.” This is something a woman might say about the man she's in love with. But here's the thing: it's just a metaphor. And this is one of those times where it's REALLY dangerous to interpret at metaphor as literal. Because actually hooking someone would probably cause a reaction that would be described as the opposite of attraction. An eye patch, meanwhile, is not dangerous. In fact, it can help with the flirting process. See, sustaining prolonged, sexy eye contact with two eyes? That's a lot of pieces to manage! So lighten the load a little by covering one up with a patch.

Advantage:


An Eye Patch

3. Bleu Cheese vs. Theater in terms of Finding the Treasure

Here’s my simple rule: bleu cheese always loses... unless it's accompanying buffalo chicken. Is there buffalo chicken in the “treasure”? You don’t know, so don't risk it. Therefore, by default, theater takes this one.

Advantage:

Theater

This week’s rebuttal of the week isn’t so much a rebuttal but a correction. fractalVisionz helps me get my argument right for why friendship bracelets trump muffins in terms of getting back into rollerblading:

Rollerblading can be dangerous. Let's face it, as a kid, I had my fair share of wipeouts. Where did I fall the most? My wrists of course. Can Muffins protect my wrists? Not unless I pad my entire body with them, which will tip off-balance while rollerblading. Not only that, the muffins will eventually go stale, making the padding like falling into once-delicious bits of gravel, ouch! In fact, a single wide friendship bracelet will be more than enough to keep my skin from shredding on the pavement, let alone 20 as the kids wear.

Of course, you don’t need to agree with me to win. So go ahead, argue with one of the above comparisons and next week you might be crowned the winner!

 

Photos: "Shoulder Pads" by flickr user, youraddresshere; "...Johnny Kidd & The Pirates" by flickr user, brizzle born and bred; "Theater" by flickr user, Alan Cleaver. All used under a Creative Commons License.

chicken0102


quality posts: 41 Private Messages chicken0102

Sailing the high seas takes a lot of energy. To replenish your energy, you need to eat. Unless you are a cannibal, you're not going to eat broad shoulders. Rigatoni, on the other hand, is a complex carb which will give you all the energy you need to sail the high seas.

Advantage: Rigatoni

ludocdoc


quality posts: 0 Private Messages ludocdoc

Mice like cheese. Mice are like rats. Rats are introduced into new places by sailing on ships. Rats are the first to leave a sinking ship, like one attacked by pirates. they get on the pirate ship. they know where the treasure is. Give them cheese, they will lead you to treasure. Advantage: Bleu Cheese.

ludocdoc


quality posts: 0 Private Messages ludocdoc

Pirate ships are cramped. When there isn't wind you have to row. A bunch of guys have to sit side by side to work the oars. It's cramped. Broad shoulders make pirates bump into their neighbors. That leads to fights, which leads to mutiny. Shiver Me timbers. Everybody likes pasta. Advantage: rigatoni.

basschica


quality posts: 2 Private Messages basschica

It's a well known fact that a hook could quickly steal the eye patch giving hook pirate the patch and leaving patch #1 pirate with only an ugly polka dot shirt, which makes him the loser.

Advantage: hook

max2002


quality posts: 0 Private Messages max2002

Arrgh... So sayin' as the theater may somewhere be containin' the hidden treasure; if 'n someone was to be plantin' blue cheese under those very seats... it would surely drive off those pesky customers. Thereby, leavin' the premises unoccupied fer an easy plunderin' by a pirate that has no sense of smell anyhow.

Advantage: Blue Cheese

queball89


quality posts: 1 Private Messages queball89

Although the Theatre might look like the winner as it is an ample place to hold the TREASURE, Blue Chesse could clearly be the winner as its pungent aroma, especailly when accompanied by Buffalo Chicken, will serve to keep the Pirates out.

For ir will not be the odor of the Blue Cheese that will keep the TREASURE safe as those dirty Pirates sure smell no different, it will be their hunger that keeps them away from the booty as they eat the Buffalo Chicken with Blue Cheese that we have left them outside the Theatre as we quickly remove the Treasure.

Winner: Blue Cheese

mibutterflywingz


quality posts: 3 Private Messages mibutterflywingz

The hook is to scare off or injure those that are a threat to the one you're flirting with, the eye patch adds some mystery and makes a great conversation starter to start the flirting.

arfischman411


quality posts: 0 Private Messages arfischman411

I once knew a guy who had an eye patch. He had cancer so using this advanced mathematical formula "c" which equals the circumference of the quadrant divided by "n" which equals the derivative of the sound of electrical current we can unequivocally come to the conclusion that "x" is greater than "y" which equates to the proven factor of "b(c=n>x*y)/(q-4a) = cancer"

Eyepatches cause cancer.

You can't flirt with a terminal cancer patient. They die.

You can't argue with math or important sounding words. Facts are facts.

Advantage=eyepatch.