quality posts: 16 Private Messages WootBot



Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

NASHVILLE (UPI) -- Attendance at a white power conference in Tennessee this weekend is limited to 150 people, organizers say.

Insiders hint panels such as "Making A Battery Out Of Marshmallows" and "Cotton: Where Static Electricity Begins!" will focus on various alternative energy ideas, all designed to draw power from white objects. 


Mallow battery


ST. LOUIS (UPI) Three men have been arrested for allegedly vandalizing rock 'n' roll musician Chuck Berry's Missouri home and stealing an electric guitar, police said.

Police say his ding-a-ling still remains in mint condition.

LOS ANGELES, Sept. 11 (UPI) -- Chris Brown's publicist says the U.S. singer's new neck tattoo is not a portrait of his ex-girlfriend Rihanna as Internet buzz has suggested.

Apparently it's just an entirely different terrible idea.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- A New York steakhouse said it is offering a 12-ounce cut of real Japanese Kobe beef, which just recently became available in the United States, for $350.

Inspectors say all previous Kobe beef was still legally branded as such, since it was all apparently made from the ground up clones of Kobe Bryant.


Kobe Beef


BOSTON, Sept. 16 (UPI) -- The Jewish community in the United States and around the world welcomes the year 5773 when the sun sets Sunday and Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins.

The event went mostly ignored by comedians, because after Jewish people have talked about something for 5773 years, how many undiscovered jokes could possibly be left?

Mallow battery from oskay and Kobe Beef from Wallslide are used under a Creative Commons License

Quality Posts


quality posts: 3 Private Messages afterburner101

lol... well done.
usually i can take or leave the editorials but this one made me laugh.


quality posts: 32 Private Messages abitterwoman

Enjoyable, as always
And a nice change of pace from the message boards right now. Yikes.
Just know I still <3 you, Woot.

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."


quality posts: 1 Private Messages queball89

I love marshmellows and WOOT!

X marks the spot and love is in the air


quality posts: 17 Private Messages xdavex

I read the meaning of the first sentence completely wrong.


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag

Agreeing with the rest, this was one of the better bits in a long while (and they're usually at least amusing), but I also want to point out...

Apparently it's just an entirely different terrible idea.

Ladies and gentlemen, the theme of every staff meeting I've ever been to!


quality posts: 1 Private Messages mpyrzynski

Thank you for the mid-day amusement, Woot! ;)


quality posts: 3 Private Messages misterducky

I came for the funny, but I left being genuinely excited that Japan finally lifted their exportation ban on Kobe beef (Previously, all Kobe Beef bought in America was simply Kobe Style.)


quality posts: 25 Private Messages pooflady


I think my guardian angel drinks.


quality posts: 4 Private Messages Everbody

Letterman's joke for the last 3 decades, "I've been writing 5772 on my checks all day"

Quid malmborg im Plano