WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff


How do you get into your business? That’s simple: through a door, of course. And why does everyone use doors? Because they’re so easy. You just turn a knob, open it, walk through, and you’re done. But you know what that means? Other stuff can get through them too. LIKE ANIMALS! SUCH AS BATS!

Bats aren’t only distracting and scary. They also kill employee morale because they sleep all day. Your workers see one hanging from the ceiling doing nothing and they think, “Man, I wish I was a bat.” Then everyone’s feeling down and no one’s working because they’re all on the internet looking up where they can get transformative bat surgery. It’s terrible.


No, if a bat gets into your office, you’ve got to do something about it. Not sure what? Well, then it’s good you decided to read this lesson! You see, when it comes to bat-catching the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership’s faculty are ranked #1 in the nation. In fact, we once concluded a seminar by saying, “with these changes it’ll be no time before your business is batting 1000!” and then releasing a thousand bats. And let me tell you, we were able to catch and remove 75% of those bats, leaving only 250 in the Ramada Inn conference room.

So, if a bat gets into your office, take the following steps:

Step 1: Before you try to remove it, make sure the bat doesn’t possess any job skills that would be valuable to your company. As stated above, bats mostly just hang out, but you never know: maybe that’s because nobody’s ASKED them to work.

[If the bat is a good worker, then…]

Step 2: Get him a bat-sized desk and find a spot for him, which should be easy, since he’ll probably want to work on the ceiling anyway. (You might need a strong adhesive to get the desk up there).

Step 3: Start hiring more bats. They save space and work when the rest of your employees are asleep.

Step 4: Once you’ve got a solid team of bats working for you, it’s time to tell the press. You’ve got a unique business model! Milk it for publicity!


Step 5: You’re going to get some copycats. Other businesses are going to start actively recruiting bats. They might even try to hire the bats in your office right out from above you. You need to stay ahead of these people. That’s why you should find one standout bat (maybe the original bat?) to promote to an executive-level position. You’ll be the first business with a bat executive!

Step 6: When the Bats For a Better Tomorrow For Bats Foundation presents you with the Workplace Equality Award, accept it graciously. Keep your speech modest and humble. No one likes a bragger.

[If the bat just keeps acting like a bat and doesn’t want to work…]

Step 2(b): Catch the bat and remove it from your office.

We hope this helps! Now, it’s your turn. Ever have a bat get into your office? Or your house? Tell us your story in the comments. 

sirchillsalot420


quality posts: 0 Private Messages sirchillsalot420

When I was 20 my friends and i lived in an apartment on the third floor in N.H. In my bedroom there was a fan in my window that i usually left on. One night in late summer i went into my room around 9:30p.m. I laid down and heard this noise coming from the fan area i got up thinking some one was outside throwing something at my window it sounded like small pebbles. I got up pulled the fan out of the window to look out to see who was there. No one but I then heard the noise from behind me. I was bewildered as to what the noise was. i turned off the fan and picked it up to look into it and THE BAT FLEW OUT AT ME!!!!!!! I was like AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I ran out of the room freaking out into the living room where my room mates were hanging. they where like why are you yelling? I told them and they were all so ready to go in there and get the bat till we got to the door and we openedit as soon as it starting flying around we were all freaking out one of my brilliant roommates decided he was going to spray the bat down with mace to "BLIND HIM" at he time it sounded like a great idea now as i write it i am laughing LOL.Any way he is spraying the thing and trying to get it so bad that he intern sprays my other roommate and pretty much the entire room so... we are all pretty much blind from the mace . TRhank god one of us was thinking and my other room mate(the one who i guess could still see) grabs the bat off the wall with a pillow and runs it outside. I found a tear in the screen cleaned up the mace from my bedroom and pretty much forgot about it till now! one last thing.... I cannot seem to figure out a program to get to put this crap beard map together HELP!!

Jamie Vanagel

coolbiker


quality posts: 2 Private Messages coolbiker
sirchillsalot420 wrote:When I was 20 my friends and i lived in an apartment on the third floor in N.H. In my bedroom there was a fan in my window that i usually left on. One night in late summer i went into my room around 9:30p.m. I laid down and heard this noise coming from the fan area i got up thinking some one was outside throwing something at my window it sounded like small pebbles. I got up pulled the fan out of the window to look out to see who was there. No one but I then heard the noise from behind me. I was bewildered as to what the noise was. i turned off the fan and picked it up to look into it and THE BAT FLEW OUT AT ME!!!!!!! I was like AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I ran out of the room freaking out into the living room where my room mates were hanging. they where like why are you yelling? I told them and they were all so ready to go in there and get the bat till we got to the door and we openedit as soon as it starting flying around we were all freaking out one of my brilliant roommates decided he was going to spray the bat down with mace to "BLIND HIM" at he time it sounded like a great idea now as i write it i am laughing LOL.Any way he is spraying the thing and trying to get it so bad that he intern sprays my other roommate and pretty much the entire room so... we are all pretty much blind from the mace . TRhank god one of us was thinking and my other room mate(the one who i guess could still see) grabs the bat off the wall with a pillow and runs it outside. I found a tear in the screen cleaned up the mace from my bedroom and pretty much forgot about it till now! one last thing.... I cannot seem to figure out a program to get to put this crap beard map together HELP!!



Be cheap use paint ;). I was only able to find one piece of the map, but I'd think unless you want to create them a layers and connect them all the way paint is the way to go.

Still Seattle must be an interesting place if bats have intelligence as you speak. Just make sure its not a gremlin offspring with all the product testing you do.

allacra


quality posts: 0 Private Messages allacra
sirchillsalot420 wrote:When I was 20 my friends and i lived in an apartment on the third floor in N.H. In my bedroom there was a fan in my window that i usually left on. One night in late summer i went into my room around 9:30p.m. I laid down and heard this noise coming from the fan area i got up thinking some one was outside throwing something at my window it sounded like small pebbles. I got up pulled the fan out of the window to look out to see who was there. No one but I then heard the noise from behind me. I was bewildered as to what the noise was. i turned off the fan and picked it up to look into it and THE BAT FLEW OUT AT ME!!!!!!! I was like AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I ran out of the room freaking out into the living room where my room mates were hanging. they where like why are you yelling? I told them and they were all so ready to go in there and get the bat till we got to the door and we openedit as soon as it starting flying around we were all freaking out one of my brilliant roommates decided he was going to spray the bat down with mace to "BLIND HIM" at he time it sounded like a great idea now as i write it i am laughing LOL.Any way he is spraying the thing and trying to get it so bad that he intern sprays my other roommate and pretty much the entire room so... we are all pretty much blind from the mace . TRhank god one of us was thinking and my other room mate(the one who i guess could still see) grabs the bat off the wall with a pillow and runs it outside. I found a tear in the screen cleaned up the mace from my bedroom and pretty much forgot about it till now! one last thing.... I cannot seem to figure out a program to get to put this crap beard map together HELP!!



That poor bat! :-(

allacra


quality posts: 0 Private Messages allacra

Bats are awesome creatures! They "take out" lots of flying insects that would otherwise bite us! :-)

If one gets in your home or office, don't freak out! The bat will NOT attack you. They can be removed carefully and safely. :-)
Check out for more info: https://www.batworld.org/

pigsnfish


quality posts: 2 Private Messages pigsnfish

We live in bat heaven, here. They crawl in our upstairs ceilings. They occasionally get out of the walls and join us in our daily and nightly lives.

You can tell me all you want about how to remove bats safely, but you're just saying that. My most recent thought was that my husband would hold up one side of a blanket and I'd hold up the other. Then we'd knock the thing down. Nice try, but when you've got a bat coming at your head, you automatically duck. And the bat flies around the blanket.

Usually, we pull out the tennis rackets. Sometimes they're stunned, and sometimes they die, and I truly don't care either way. Now that we have a Luke Skywalker, however, the bat population has dwindled tremendously. Luke is an excessively athletic cat who uses the Force to grab bats (and birds) out of the sky.

The worst bat event was when my then-14-year-old daughter called me to tell me she'd found a sick, but alive, bat in our wheelbarrow outside. I asked her what she did with it. She said she got out the BB gun and shot it in the head. It took seven shots to kill it.

I have LOTS of bat stories. And rat stories. And a few snake stories. Oh, how I love rural America.