WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Bratwurst vs. Huge Muscles in terms of Sweater Shopping

Huge muscles are strong. But sometimes they can be too strong for their own good. For example, when you’re trying on sweaters. Flex a little bit too much while you’re trying it on, and next thing you know, you’re muscles are bursting through the seams and you’ve gotta pay for a sweater that clearly didn’t fit anyway. No, a bratwurst is the right man for this job. After eating one you’ll feel nourished and satisfied, which means you’ll be ready to really assess each sweater for its merits, not just grab the first one because you're too hungry to think.

Advantage:


Bratwurst

2. Brownie Batter vs. A Touch Screen in terms of Taming a Bear

Here’s a thing: you’re taming a bear. You’re not teaching a bear to work at your start-up. So brownie batter is the better tool here. If can teach a bear not to beg for brownie batter, it means you’ll have no problem establishing yourself as an alpha, which is the key to training any animal. A touch screen is too delicate. Would it be cool to have a bear that could work an iPhone? Sure. But you can’t start the taming process there, because it’s just not practical.

Advantage:


Brownie Batter

3. The Internet vs. Flowers in terms of Winning a Game of Freeze Tag

The Internet wins! Why? Why not is more like it! And it doesn’t matter the competition or the function! The Inernet always wins! ALWAYS! [It’s watching right now. I need to be careful. Unspeakably terrible things happen to those that insult the internet on the internet.]

Advantage:




The Internet

Now for last week’s Rebuttal of the Week. User vigilante1987 beats me with the science behind why snickerdoodles make better moons than wrenches:

Sorry, have to disagree with you on the Snickerdoodle vs. Wrench. Snickerdoodles have very little mass, thus not much gravitational pull. Tidal effects should be minimal when you eat it (which, of course you eventually will.) On the other hand, if the wrench is in a decaying orbit, at some point in the future you are going to get smacked in the head by a heavy metal object.

Do I agree with (or understand) this argument. Not exactly, but it sounds smart and I don’t want people to think I’m dumb for overlooking it. Can you play directly to my insecurities? Go ahead, give it a shot: post your argument to one of the above comparisons, and I just might pick it next week!

Photos: "Bratwurst" by flickr user, dan_fuh; "Finfetti brownies ready to go." by flickr user, Carnivore Locavore; "Internet no Vila" by flickr user, Silveira Neto. All used under a Creative Commons License.

imroschke507


quality posts: 0 Private Messages imroschke507

Your argument for why Bratwurst is better than Huge Muscles for sweater shopping is not solid. All you have to do is go to the Big and Tall store when they are having their annual blow out sale. They are sure to have thousands of sweaters big enough to fit your huge muscles, and then when you are happy with all of them, and you buy every last one because the sale prices are INSANE, you can really take advantage of those huge muscles to carry your 40 bags out of the store. So clearly, huge muscles would be way better.

Plus, your last sentence confuses me... I'm not really sure how someone asses a sweater... is that something disgusting I don't want to know about?

ddrfreak21


quality posts: 0 Private Messages ddrfreak21
imroschke507 wrote:
Plus, your last sentence confuses me... I'm not really sure how someone asses a sweater... is that something disgusting I don't want to know about?



I'm glad I'm not the only one that worries about assing sweaters. Seem like that should be illegal... or at least require a permit.

dtristano


quality posts: 3 Private Messages dtristano

I have to disagree about taming the bear. I mean, come on, the bear is not going to be paying attention to you if you're holding brownie batter. It's going to be thinking, "here's my lunch, and it brought its own dessert."

On the other hand if you show up with a touch screen, the bear is going to be confused. He'll be thinking "Oooo, I'm out of my element here. I'd better pay attention." At that point you're in a better position to assert your dominance and avoid getting eaten.

ttfitz


quality posts: 0 Private Messages ttfitz

I think #3 shows why a touchscreen is much better for training a bear than brownie batter. If I touch the brownie batter and say, "How to I train a bear?", it just sits there looking yummy and I've got a messy finger.

Do the same with your touchscreen, and all sorts of wonderful information is available on training that bear.

cbrett42


quality posts: 8 Private Messages cbrett42
imroschke507 wrote:Your argument for why Bratwurst is better than Huge Muscles for sweater shopping is not solid. All you have to do is go to the Big and Tall store when they are having their annual blow out sale. They are sure to have thousands of sweaters big enough to fit your huge muscles, and then when you are happy with all of them, and you buy every last one because the sale prices are INSANE, you can really take advantage of those huge muscles to carry your 40 bags out of the store. So clearly, huge muscles would be way better.

Plus, your last sentence confuses me... I'm not really sure how someone asses a sweater... is that something disgusting I don't want to know about?



I'm with imroschke507. Sweaters are bulky, and I think we all know that when you go sweater shopping, you just can't help yourself and end up buying many, many sweaters. So the huge muscles would come in very handy when carrying those sweaters back to the car.

johnnyicemaker


quality posts: 1 Private Messages johnnyicemaker

Don't be afraid of the Internet. It goes away whenever you turn off your computer.

As for Winning a Game of Freeze Tag, a Flower is much better at playing the game than the Internet. A flower is rooted to the ground so it can't move at all, thus frozen in place. The Internet is full of action and adventure, videos and music, twittering and online shopping, shameless plug..."Go woot!". The Internet is moving all the time, not a good strategy for winning Freeze Tag.

Advantage: Flowers