WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

DULUTH, Minn (UPI) -- Paintings made by two artistic otters have been selling for about $35 each in a Minnesota aquarium's gift shop, said Cathie Dickey, who works there.

Additionally, every person who calls them "artters" has to pay $5 or be punched in the stomach by a security guard.

 

Otters playing

 

MOSCOW (UPI) -- A state-run Russian TV network said the country has 17 more billionaires than were counted last year.

Billionaires have now been moved off the "endangered" list, though the IMF is still considering them "threatened" and works to protect them from poachers.

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (UPI) -- Dutch customs officials said a suitcase containing 200 live tarantulas was seized from a German couple at an Amsterdam airport.

Sources say "seized" is a slightly misleading description, since the suitcase was quickly dropped, kicked across the floor, shot at twenty five times, then sealed in plastic before being thrown into an active volcano and screamed at.

 

Tarantula

 

PHILADELPHIA (UPI) -- The University of Pennsylvania says it was among dozens of universities worldwide that were hacked with student and employee records then posted online.

Insiders say when this happens voluntarily, it's called Facebook.

EDMONTON, Alberta (UPI) -- Edmonton (Alberta) Police Superintendent Ed Keller said police are testing the use of chest-mounted cameras to record interactions with suspects and the public.

Officers will now wear hats that read "Your arrest is down there."

Otters playing from monkeywing and Tarantula from Chadica are used under a Creative Commons License.



Quality Posts


madfrisbee


quality posts: 6 Private Messages madfrisbee

Wow, this one made me unexpectedly guffaw at my desk, blowing a snot bubble from my nose which required me to clean my keyboard. I have now lost all semblance of dignity in the eyes of my coworkers. Thanks a lot, jerks.

sgoman5674


quality posts: 41 Private Messages sgoman5674

EDMONTON, Alberta (UPI) -- Edmonton (Alberta) Police Superintendent Ed Keller said police are testing the use of chest-mounted cameras to record interactions with suspects and the public.

Testing is being done primarily with female police officers, for obvious reasons.

diggerthesnail


quality posts: 0 Private Messages diggerthesnail

I read this solely for the poop joke and there was none. I am disappointed and will not be a returning reader!

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag
diggerthesnail wrote:I read this solely for the poop joke and there was none. I am disappointed and will not be a returning reader!



I'd give it another chance. There are several very subtle poop jokes, almost impossible to discern. I'd say that they're "scattered throughout," but that just sounds wrong.