WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff


Once again, Jason Toon peers through the haze of the miasma of murky obscurity into your very specific future. Hark to his visions of your tomorrow! And your Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday!

ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): Make time to reconnect with valuable business contacts whom you have racially insulted.

TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Weigh the benefits of a crossfit program with the drawbacks of turning into someone who won't shut up about their crossfit program.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your lucky synonym for "unease": disquietude.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A feathered roach clip will play an unexpected role in your life - or your death.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Do not click that link to an old Keebler Tato Skins commercial unless you are prepared to think about nothing else for the rest of the week.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): To make a good first impression, avoid wearing denim with chainmail.

LIBRA (Sep. 23-Oct.22): This week, be wary of so-called folk remedies for schizophrenia.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): On Thursday, Jupiter moves into a rare alignment with both Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds. Do not leave your house.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): A treasured family myth will be shattered by a chance encounter with an ornamental cabbage.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your lucky Spanish California mission: San Carlos Borromeo de Carmelo.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): This is a felicitous week to steal something from a Virgo.

PISCES (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): A well-known TV judge will ask you to join his or her ska band.

WARNING: These divinations are presented for serious personal guidance only, NOT for entertainment value! If you are entertained by them, stop it immediately! Do not mock forces you do not understand!

slacker44


quality posts: 7 Private Messages slacker44

I'm a Virgo and yesterday my girlfriend was cautioning me on wearing denim shirts. Mind blown!

eholling


quality posts: 10 Private Messages eholling

Now I want to look up the Keebler commercial. Good thing I'm not a Leo.

Bouts of Consternation:
8/17/11; 9/14/11; 10/12/11; 11/09/11, 12/06/11; 4/26/12

And right now.

thumperchick


quality posts: 236 Private Messages thumperchick

jai151


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jai151

So this would be a very good week for an Aquarius to steal a denim/chainmail ensemble from a Virgo.

inkycatz


quality posts: 105 Private Messages inkycatz
jai151 wrote:So this would be a very good week for an Aquarius to steal a denim/chainmail ensemble from a Virgo.



Note to self, stay away from any Aquarius folks.

I'm just hanging out, really.

Moueska


quality posts: 54 Private Messages Moueska
TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Weigh the benefits of a crossfit program with the drawbacks of turning into someone who won't shut up about their crossfit program.



I love how hilariously relevant this specific horoscope is.

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag

I thought the fad of wearing Spanish missions around one's neck went out with carving corporate logos in the back of one's haircut.

shushine999


quality posts: 15 Private Messages shushine999

If I were into weighing, I would already be ON a crossfit training program.