In business, you’ll have competitors, and some of those competitors will be old guys. That’s fine. Maybe even good. You can learn a lot from someone who’s been in business for so long, like how patience, hard work, and grey hair pays off in the end.
But then sometimes you’re not just competing against old guys. You’re competing against really old guys. Like, really, really old guys. Like guys who are hundreds if not thousands of years old. We’re talking about vampires.
Competing with a vampire business can really suck you dry, and not just financially; it can be emotionally draining. Also, it can also be dangerous, because vampires can suck your blood. But don’t worry: we here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership can help. Simply take these precautions and you and your business will survive:
1. If you don’t want to attract the rival company’s vampires, don’t just leave blood just lying around. That’s why it’s important that everyone cleans up after themselves, especially after a meeting where blood has been served.
2. Even if you keep the office on the not-so-bloody side, people from the rival company might still show up and threaten your employees. Why? Because there’s blood inside the employees themselves. That’s why it’s important to enforce a strict no-veins-showing dress code. Then, any vampire intruder will be like, “Where do I even start on these people?”
3. If employees ask for professional development money to attend a seminar, make sure it’s not a trap before letting them go. Look at the application and keep your eyes peeled for things that seem out of the ordinary. For example, if it asks for their blood type or tasting notes.
4. Watch out for corporate spies. Look for employees who display vampire-like symptoms. For example: employees that are really pale, employees that work late into the night, employees that have sharp teeth, and employees that burst into dust might be vampires in disguise.
5. Keep the supply closet well stocked with stakes. And don’t make the same mistake I made: that’s stakes not steaks.
That's how to deal with vampiric competition. If you've got any additional advice, feel free to share it in the comments. And tune in next week for our final spooky lesson!