WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Employees,

It's no secret that morale in the office has been flagging. According to recent "anonymous" employee reports, many of you feel "unmotivated" by the current system in which excellence is punished. Seems people expect their VALUE to be RECOGNIZED with some sort of POSITIVE FEEDBACK.

Instead of doing that, the office has decided to install several MORALE EELS. These eels will nip you whenever you feel unmotivated or beset. Want to avoid a nipping? It ain't rocket science, folks: JUST BE MOTIVATED.



Please note that the morale eels are SUPPOSED TO LIVE IN A MARINE HABITAT, and will therefore perish if not properly cared for. HR will be sending an email around detailing eel care responsibility, but suffice it to say that KEEPING THE EELS ALIVE IS GOING TO TAKE TEAMWORK. If you see an eel in the kitchen that looks desiccated, MIST IT WITH ONE OF THE MANY SALT-WATER-FILLED MISTING BOTTLES. Don't count on other people to mist the eels, people.

Folks, I shouldn't have to tell you that EELS WILL NIP YOU IF THEY ARE DRYING OUT. Therefore, if an eel nips you, it is either (a) in danger of perishing or (b) snapping you out of your workplace-inspired melancholia. DON'T ASSUME EITHER. Mist that nipping eel and get back to work.

Be aware that these eels are extremely expensive, and SHALL NOT BE PHYSICALLY REPRIMANDED FOR MISBEHAVIOR UNDER PENALTY OF IMMEDIATE TERMINATION. Since you are all half-wits, let me rephrase: If you strike an eel, you will be fired.

To confirm that you have read and understood this email, send me a sixth-grade-style report on eels.

- Bye -

Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

I know how to take care of eels!

ENGLISH EEL PIE

Skin, clean, and cut up two large eels. Cook with one tablespoon of butter, half a cup of chopped mushrooms, a tablespoon of chopped parsley, a minced onion, a bay leaf, salt, pepper, the rind of a lemon, a wine glass of Sherry, and a cup of beef stock. Cook until the eels are tender, strain the sauce, and thicken with butter and flour. Line a baking dish with pastry, put the eels in it, and pour the sauce over, with sliced hard boiled eggs on top. Cover with pastry, brush with yolk of egg, and bake for an hour in a moderate oven. Serve either hot or cold.

Yum!

madfrisbee


quality posts: 6 Private Messages madfrisbee

A Report on Eels
By Mad Frisbee
Mrs. Zelinski's 6th grade class

I like eels. They live in the ocean, and also in the Pacific ocean and in some other water. There is a thing in their mouth that is like a secret alien jaw that eats stuff faster. Some eels can taser some fish to make them easy to eat. I saw a eel at the aquarium on vacation.

Some eels are ugly and big. Some eels have blue spots. There is some eels at Monterey Bay Aquarium that I saw when I was there. Some people eat eels, but that is gross.

THE END

Mancho


quality posts: 4 Private Messages Mancho

Strike the eel, face the wheel!

slacker44


quality posts: 7 Private Messages slacker44
madfrisbee wrote:A Report on Eels
By Mad Frisbee
Mrs. Zelinski's 6th grade class

I like eels. They live in the ocean, and also in the Pacific ocean and in some other water. There is a thing in their mouth that is like a secret alien jaw that eats stuff faster. Some eels can taser some fish to make them easy to eat. I saw a eel at the aquarium on vacation.

Some eels are ugly and big. Some eels have blue spots. There is some eels at Monterey Bay Aquarium that I saw when I was there. Some people eat eels, but that is gross.

THE END



Please see 1:28 for your grade.



fgarriel


quality posts: 22 Private Messages fgarriel

The eels on the floor go
nip nip nip
nip nip nip
nip nip nip
The eels on the floor go
nip nip nip
all through the cubes.

goblynn


quality posts: 2 Private Messages goblynn

Eels

Eels are ocean animals. They live in salt water, though there are freshwater types. Eels have no arms or legs; they move by wiggling their bodies.

Eels like to live in holes. They wait in the hole until a fish swims by, then they jump out and bite it.

Eels are many different colors. The most famous kind of eels (like the ones in The Little Mermaid) are green.

Eels like to tell jokes.

Kim S.

(Just as vague and lacking accuracy as I'd expect from a sixth-grader. Boy, that took effort!)

connieh2007


quality posts: 5 Private Messages connieh2007

I Mistted a Eel and I liked it.

The End.

ROGETRAY


quality posts: 177 Private Messages ROGETRAY

Staff

connieh2007 wrote:I Mistted a Eel and I liked it.

The End.



curtise


quality posts: 23 Private Messages curtise

I believe she spelled moray incorrectly.

As in, "the moray in this office is terrible - we need to do something to improve it... Like invest in some morale eels".

-=C=-

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

I think I misunderstood the question, so here is my essay. And I didn't just COPY somebody's work this time.

Eels are water animals. They live in water, though there are saltwater types too. Eels have no legs or arms; they move by wiggling their little bodies all around.

Eels like to live in hotels. They wait in the hotel until a fish swims by, then they jump out and nip it.

Eels are many different hues. The most famous kind of eels (like the ones in The Little Mermaid) are always hungry.

Eels like to be the butt of jokes.

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag

Instead of writing my report, because whatever, I am instead making a video of the eels nipping each other while we cheer them on in the cafeteria for sale on the Internet.

Sorry, sixth-grade style. On "Teh Webxorz or whatever."

Oh, you really wanted the report? Well, OK...

Ahem.

In the darkest recesses of the race memory of humankind, we have had an irrational feel of serpents. Snakes are scary (except Jim who has one in his living room in a fishtank), but the scariest is the Anguilliformes teleost known as the eel.

Eels are awesome because they are so scary and they drive around on hovercrafts, which are like zambonis without ice, but probably not elvers because they're too young to drive like I am.

[Before posting, replace this with a few paragraphs from Simple English Wikipedia. Nobody reads that version and it talks about anal fins, making it indistinguishable from a sixth-grade essay and it'll pad this mess to however many words we're supposed to write.]

As to the culture of eels, nobody knows, but I think they have some, because why else would there be moré eels? Or maybe they're just the traditional eel used in cooking at some big holiday.

My dad made me watch "Star Wars" and it was very, very, very long, but no eels were in it. That was strange, because eels are also very, very, very long.

The end.

Oh, and the corporate website is now taking orders for my line of eel fight DVDs. Phil in accounting is also expanding his position to...ah...his turf, if you get my meaning. He's thinking about getting into crafts, like making books.