WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Folks,

The holidays are coming right up and many of you are probably wondering why you have not been paid for several weeks. First off: CALM DOWN. I'm your office manager, not your life coach, but didn't anybody ever tell you that money cannot buy happiness? A few weeks without pay isn't going to ruin your life.

Second, the payroll system has switched over to a group of graduate students performing a large-scale social experiment. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? You will no longer get paid with direct deposits every two weeks, but through a series of experiments intended to demonstrate the TRAGEDY OF THE COMMONS and THE INHERENT SELFISHNESS THAT UNDERMINES ALL HUMAN INSTITUTIONS.


Here's how it works:

  • All salaries will be pooled into a collective "pot."
  • Any employee may anonymously withdraw any amount from the pot.
  • Whatever amount is left in the pot at the end of a payroll will be DOUBLED and DISTRIBUTED EVENLY to all employees.

So if nobody withdraws from the pot for two weeks, everybody will receive an equal share equal to twice the current average pay. However, individuals who withdraw anonymously from the pot can receive a DISPROPORTIONATE, and FAR GREATER share.

If no funds are left in the pot at the end of the payroll period (i.e. if selfishness prevails) then all employees will be terminated.

- Bye -

Katherine Tull-Putts, BA
Office Manager

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

We did this at one of my previous jobs.

Enron

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag

If the executives are in, I'm game. How hard can it be to find the people withdrawing money and beat them with hammers?

Hey, I wasn't the one who wanted to analyze tragedy.

SESteve


quality posts: 15 Private Messages SESteve

By "terminated" I sincerely hope you mean "will have their beating hearts ripped from their chests and held in front of their dying eyes."

saquack


quality posts: 1 Private Messages saquack

If we did this at my office, I would grab it all and retire. $12M/month payroll goes a long way. The other 3500 employees would have to start looking for work. But I think a lot of them would have to be re-hired. I'm not being a jerk. I know if I don't grab it, someone else will.

SkekTek


quality posts: 17 Private Messages SkekTek

Wow. All the free ramyb woot shirts you could ever want, a monkey in every cubicle, AND free money at the end of the week?

Lucky sods...

TechLife


quality posts: 0 Private Messages TechLife

The 20th Century Motor Company tried something similar...