WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

It seems like I face some new, frustrating dilemma almost every day. For a while, I tried to solve each one on my own, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm in over my head, and I need your help, Wooters! So, each week, I'm going to post a problem that I'm facing and you're going to help me solve it. But here's the catch: the solutions need to be puns. That's right: logic is secondary; puns are the primary goal here. I'll choose the best pun and announce it in next week's post.

THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: Cat Christmas Carols!

Tis the season to spread some cheer. And what better way than by going out caroling? But here's the thing: I don't just want to sing to people; I want my Christmas Carols to go viral, which means I need them to be about cats. Here's what I've come up with so far:

  • All I Want For Christmas Is Mew
  • The Litter Drummer Boy
  • Santa Claws is Coming to Town
     

But if doing this every week has taught me anything it's that you guys are better at puns than I am. So please, post your cat carols in the comments and I'll pick my favorite in a few weeks (skipping next week for the holiday).

Last week's winner (rock and roll kids' books):Fun with Dick and Jane's Addiction, from user weisserteufel (who had a heck of a time getting that one past our filters; sorry about that!).

Other Favorites: Horton Hears the Guess Who from ambergreen; The Loraxl Rose from ralfe1; and UPoop2 (a companion to Everybody Poops) by master punster, SQUITODE…

Photo by flickr user twid, used under a Creative Commons License.

bongosolo


quality posts: 11 Private Messages bongosolo

Away in a Mange
O Calicoly Night
Rudolph the Wet Nosed Tabby
O Come Let Us Find More Hair
Siamese Night

...and my favorite

Silv-hair Balls

chemical88


quality posts: 1 Private Messages chemical88

Anjellicle Cats We Have Heard on High

lichme


quality posts: 2687 Private Messages lichme

Meow be home Fur Christmas

Slydon


quality posts: 17 Private Messages Slydon

Staff

Bring A Torch Jeanette Isabella (Which Is The Name Of My Cat, Not My Current Cat, But A Cat I Had When I Was A Child In The Thirties)

Hi, I'm one of the writers. My powers are limited but I'll do what I can.

ardubu


quality posts: 5 Private Messages ardubu

Lick the Paws (Deck the Halls),
Mew you hear what I hear?
Frosty the Tabby
Go licking at the fountain
Cat resist Ye merry catnip
Bark! The Herald Felines Sing!
The Kitty Runner Toy
Pawing around the Sandbox free
Siamese Night
We Stray Cats of Orient Are

If you want, you pay...
But, if you need, you pay more!

patrice2


quality posts: 4 Private Messages patrice2

Titles ain't enough....

O Yowly night, the garbage cans are shining
It is the night of our dear Tuna breath
Long lay my plate in emptiness, me pining
'Til trash appeared and my tummy felt its worth
A thrill of hope the weary cat rejoices
For yonder there's a can without a lid
Fall on your fleas

O smell the the myriad choices
O night feline!
O night when snacks were born
O night fe-LIIIIINE!
O night, O Yowly niiiiiight

mikepainter


quality posts: 1 Private Messages mikepainter

It is clear that any attempt I made at creating a pun would be a cat'

(= cat apostrophe and you are on your own from here, but I think it is purrfect)

patrice2


quality posts: 4 Private Messages patrice2

We must catnip your sort in the butt. (Well, that looks more unpleasant than any feline american would find it....)

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

All I want for Catmas is my Two Front Claws

Hack! The Hairball Angels Spew

I Saw Kitty Scratching Santa Claus

Snowball Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Fleas on My Cat (Feliz Navidad)



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triplebud


quality posts: 2 Private Messages triplebud

I saw Snowball licking sandy paws.

Kitty Paws is clawing to town.

Catmas time in Hollis (RUN C.A.T.).

Simply licking a Wonderful Catnip Treat - Purr MeowCartney.

Lickin' around the Catnip Treat.

sunnyx0r


quality posts: 9 Private Messages sunnyx0r

Knockin' Down the Christmas Tree (to the tune of Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree)
Silent Night (But Only When the Cat Isn't in Heat)

0ldeag1e


quality posts: 0 Private Messages 0ldeag1e

It's The Most Whiskerful Time Of The Year

Kitty, It's Warm Inside

It's Beginning To Sound A Lot Like Caterwauling

The Litter Dumper Boy

Have Some Holly Jolly Catnip

Rudolph The Red-Furred Tigger

Little Claws Nick

Scent'a Kitty

Santa's Paws Are Clawing To Town

Mew Mew Rudolph

Grandma Got Raced Over By Her Tigger

Swattin' Around The Christmas Tree

Felix Kneaded Navidad

Dangle Ball Swat

Whack the Balls

Sandy the Catpan

Go Yowl It From the Counter

God Rest Ye Hyperactive Feline

Whack, the Hand-held Dangled String!

We Three Cats of Orange Fur Are

Himalayan Blue Christmas

>^..^<

dukeofwulf


quality posts: 7 Private Messages dukeofwulf

Spay Ride.

Bob Barker would be proud.

tireseus


quality posts: 0 Private Messages tireseus

Hairballs roasting on an open fire
Rockin' around the Catnip Tree
I Wonder as i Dander ("I Wonder as I Wander")
Garfield you Merry Gentlemen"
Oh come, Oh come, Emmewnuel
Silent Nyan

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag


  • I Saw Mommy Hissing (at) Santa Claws
  • We Wish You a Meowry Christmas
  • Do You Hear the Terrifying Eight-Dimensional Invader I Hear?
  • The First Meow
  • The Little Catnip Boy
  • A Tabby Unspotted
  • Jesus Christ (climbed) the Apple Tree (and couldn't get back down)
  • Mouse of the Kings
  • I Purr on Christmas


OK, that's too much time on that, except that my actual "vote" goes to:

bongosolo wrote:Silv-hair Balls

Jertyrael


quality posts: 20 Private Messages Jertyrael

I saw Mittens hiss at Santa Claws.

"Woot and all our various sites will continue to be an independently operated company full of horrible, useless products and an untalented jerkface writing staff, same as it ever was." -- Matt Rutledge

mrbaxter3


quality posts: 0 Private Messages mrbaxter3

The First Meow


The first meow the kitten did say
Was to German shepards in beds as they lay:
On hearths where cats lay a keeping their sleep
On a warm cotton cloth that was their sheet.
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow
Sleepy is the kitten that meows.

It looked up and spotted a jar
Shining on was feast beyond them far:
And to the hearth it gave un-sate sight
And so it gave kitten both prey and plight.
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow
Thirsty is the kitten that meows.

And by the sight of that same bright jar
The kitten came forth to decree afar;
To drink from that thing was it‘s content,
And to reach the jar for it’s lovely supplement.
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,
Impatient is the kitten that meows.

Kitten grew spry out of warm nest;
O'er shag carpet it took its unrest,
And there it did not stop or stray,
Right over the toys where dogs did play.
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow
Quick is the kitten that meows

The kitten in that counter top sea,
Came reverently upon it‘s key,
And drank there with its achievance
Its warm soft milk and adamance.
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,
Happy is the kitten that meows

When the kitten had it’s reward
Returned with it’s small full belly restored,
That kitten returned again to bed sought,
Again to it’s loving mother’s soft spot
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.
Sleepy is the kitten that meows.

nparus


quality posts: 1 Private Messages nparus

The 12 Strays of Catmas

Moony

nparus


quality posts: 1 Private Messages nparus

This. Is. Hilarious.

patrice2 wrote:Titles ain't enough....

O Yowly night, the garbage cans are shining
It is the night of our dear Tuna breath
Long lay my plate in emptiness, me pining
'Til trash appeared and my tummy felt its worth
A thrill of hope the weary cat rejoices
For yonder there's a can without a lid
Fall on your fleas

O smell the the myriad choices
O night feline!
O night when snacks were born
O night fe-LIIIIINE!
O night, O Yowly niiiiiight



Moony

dianepierce33


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dianepierce33

O' Little Town of Cat-bedlam
We Three Siamese of Orient Are
We Wish You a Hairy Christmas
Rudolph the Red Nosed Maine Coon

O Little Town of Cat-bedlam, by Diane -

O Little town of Cat-bedlam
How loudly we hear you cry!
While those who’d sleep now toward you creep
With hope that you’re not shy.
And while your dark heart pine-eth
To rule the realm of night
The hopes and tears of offended ears
Shall end your lives tonight.

Not one, but one of many
Your lives to end we strive
While mortals seek to get some sleep
A few of us arrive
With sticks and rocks we gather
To drive you from our turf
A ball of string to lure you in
I’d whack you for all I’m worth.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my cat
When cats are calm - not cursed.
But Santa’s due,
I’m still hearing you
And Santa, dear cat, comes 1st!
For you just give us hairballs
And other assorted sins
If I could just instill your trust
I’d catch and bring you in.

O there you are, my kitty
Out un yon fav’rite tree
Scraping up the needles
You passed some crap, I see.
A bit of constipation did
Make my kitty howl
And now my piece of neighborhood
Doth smell a little foul.

Oh, come inside, you i di ot
Now with your business done
Yule play with string and other things
It’s now well after one!
Oh, now you’re ready to curl up
And sleep through day and dawn.
Fine! Scoot over, make some room
That’s my side that you’re on.

lipophilia


quality posts: 11 Private Messages lipophilia

Gotta be Bongosolo's
"Siamese night" for it's elegant simplicity or
dukeofwulf's
"Spay ride" for reaching beyond the usual
(Patrice2's rendition was good too)

sirgeb27


quality posts: 1 Private Messages sirgeb27

Felis Navidad