I can see I'm not the only one feelin' stabby tonight ;-)

Chicken Hammer.

Knives are both feared and respected. So they got that goin' for them...which is nice.

I would like to be a fork, not only is the word funny to say, but you get ate a lot.

gotta be the whisk, just so i can over emphasize the h as much as possible

Immersion Blender

Tongs

A Kitchenaid Artisan stand mixer with all the attachments. Indispensable and passed down to younger generations.

Serrated edge spork. Never a bored moment as I'd see action camping, commuting, traveling, and even when all the other poor utensils were sitting in the dirty sink.

Or perhaps the kitchen shears. Twice as many blades as a knife, and while they may belong in the kitchen, they always seem to have mysteriously traveled to another room.

Nah, maybe a corkscrew with a bottle cap opener handle. That way I'll tend to be included in events, and at the center of many a party.

Wait... my laptop counts as a kitchen utensil right? Bingo!

Coffee press; mmm coffee!

A ladle. Oh yeah!
Or a wooden spoon. I think I will have to go with the wooden spoon.

A 12" cast iron frying pan

An old fashioned hand mixer...the double whisk kind with the crank. Everyone thinks they are cool...and no one ever gets rid of one...but mostly they just sit around and look pretty. I can do that.

The one that is used for pleasure, I don't care what one as long as it is used for pleasure. You know what I'm talking about.

a slotted wooden spoon, so I can spank dat ass!!!!

I'd like to be a 'Slap-Chop' so I can get revenge on all of those vegetables I was forced to eat.

Tongs! I want to be able to grab things at will and make annoying tong clacking sounds when people aren't paying enough attention to me.

A baster.

a meat tenderizer

Going with: "A spatula (the get stuff off the sides of bowls kind)"

Seems like a pretty cushy job. Plus, there's always the chance I could be owned by a pretty girl who would lick me off once in a while.

Garlic press because that's gotta be like motorboating goodness right there.

Strawberry Huller. Fairly lazy life, but when you're working... It's with Strawberries! How great would that be?!?

Pizza cutter

A Pasta Fork.

Food Processor. You can perform a multitude of tasks, yet you get to left alone in the back of some couples cabinet. It would be like being Marvin from Hitchhiker's Guide.

Rabbit corkscrew

Church key.

I'm kind of rulesy, so I'd be a measuring utensil of some sort. Probably a 3/4 cup.

I'd be a knife, but not just any old knife... I want to be a cheese knife.

Is there really anything better than cheese?

jtmacc99 wrote:Going with: "A spatula (the get stuff off the sides of bowls kind)"

Seems like a pretty cushy job. Plus, there's always the chance I could be owned by a pretty girl who would lick me off once in a while.

Whoa, is it getting warm in here, or is it just me??

An egg slicer. Who doesn't love hard-boiled eggs?

A Jigger, that way someone would be pouring liquor into me all of the time.

miken927 wrote:Pizza cutter

+1 Best multi-tasking utensil out there in my book. Use it to cut Pizza, lasagne noodles and pastry dough.

Plus: Pizza mmmmm, need one say more?

Id like to be a turkey baster! Never know when someone needs fertility help! LOL

Definitely a turkey baster... they go places.

A zester, chances are I'll never get used and therefore live forever.

I would be a Kitchenaid Mixer. They have like a million attachments to tranform your ordinary mixing bowl into a sausage making ninja!

Cookie dough scoop

Not alot of hard work, and when you do work, it's with sweet sweet cookie dough!

Spatula spanking sounds like more fun that cutting and stabbing, AND you get licked :P