WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

NEW YORK, Feb. 7 (UPI) -- Nickelodeon says "Peter Rabbit," its animated pre-school series based on Beatrix Potter's classic books, will debut on U.S. television Feb. 19.

Producers are excited, but the writing team secretly worries they'll have a hard time getting their jokes past Censor McGregor!

 

Hasn't Poor Peter Suffered Enough?

 

ZIRNDORF, Germany (UPI) -- German toymaker Playmobil is drawing criticism for marketing a Bank and Safe play set that includes a gun-toting robber.

Meanwhile, the Stockbroker and Mortgage Banker playset that comes with a bankrupt widow has won yet another award.

NASHVILLE (UPI) -- A U.S. scientist says there is evidence of at least one mammal -- the common mole -- that can smell in stereo in order to find its prey.

Of course, mole hipsters maintain that you haven't smelled anything until you've smelled it in the original mono.

 

French Mole

 

LOVELAND, Colo. (UPI) -- A Colorado mother said her 7-year-old son should not have been suspended from school for throwing an imaginary grenade into a box of pretend evil.

Lawyers say the suspension might still be overturned, since the boy pretended to apply for a license seven days before the event.

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (UPI) -- Canadian computer scientists say a computer can reconstruct lost languages by analyzing the sounds uttered by those who speak their modern successors.

A spokesperson added, "And even if they're wrong, who's really gonna know?"

VATICAN CITY (UPI) -- Pope Benedict XVI's papal ring will be destroyed after he steps down at the end of the month, a Vatican spokesman said Tuesday.

Traditionally this is done to prevent Parallax from infecting the following Pope, which is currently expected to be young Cardinal Kyle Rayner.

Hasn't Poor Peter Suffered Enough? from CarbonNYC and French Mole from J Marsh are used under a Creative Commons License.

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag
A U.S. scientist says there is evidence of at least one mammal -- the common mole -- that can smell in stereo in order to find its prey.



It's interesting that the scientist worries over the nearness of the nostrils and not, say, the fact that any movement will screw up the smell. It's not like it radiates out like the "stink lines" in a comic strip.

Or...do they?

Whoa.

A Colorado mother said her 7-year-old son should not have been suspended from school for throwing an imaginary grenade into a box of pretend evil.



Like the man said, "all that is necessary for the triumph of boxes of imaginary evil is that good men pretend to do nothing."

I hope the other kids had the good sense to go with his imagination, though. Otherwise, there's a box of pretend evil out there and no way to stop it...without getting into trouble, I mean.

Traditionally this is done to prevent Parallax from infecting the following Pope, which is currently expected to be young Cardinal Kyle Rayner.



Hopefully he won't spend the next few years whining about how everybody treats him like he's trapped in the old Pope's shadow while taking any status crumbs thrown at him.

Or were you just looking for "he'll do"...?

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

My kids love playing with the Bank and Safe play set.

They always fight over who will be the bank robber vs. the overwrought, issue-laden bank teller with an attitude and a shotgun hidden under the counter.

jcolag


quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag
EssenGrabow wrote:They always fight over who will be the bank robber vs. the overwrought, issue-laden bank teller with an attitude and a shotgun hidden under the counter.



You should get them a little toy wastebasket to burn the tiny mortgage papers, Dillinger-style!