ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

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You read that right! We need writers!

Here’s your chance to strut your stuff. Show us that you know a Thesaurus from a Dictionary. Dangle those participles… if it makes sense. Dazzle us! Give us the copy that will have us come banging at YOUR door. Many of you have said that you could do a better job that our writers. Well now is your time to put up or shut up.

Will this help you get a writer job with Woot? Heck no. But it could still be fun and the writers may even peek in if we’re lucky.




So what’s your assignment, you ask? I’m glad you asked!

As you know, this woot-off theme is about the cublandia, that barren cubical in the corporate world. Well, guess what? While we were cleaning out the warehouse, we came across some gems of office technology that we forgot sell a few (a lot) years back and we need to sell them now. You know we’re not going to let this inventory go to waste. No way. We’ll sell it to you suckers…. I mean, wonderful wooters.

Thing is, they really are pretty old and outdated. Some might even call them antiques. They’re relics of a different era in office automation.

BUT WE WANT TO SELL THEM!

So you’re task is to write the Woot-like copy that will sell this product to the other Woot suckers… uhm, Wooters. You may have to exaggerate a bit (a lot) on the features. You may even have to invent new uses for them. We know you can think beyond the typical paper weight and door stop.

This is it. This is your time. Make it count. Let’s sell some product!

Just Reply to one of the photos below and let your fingers do the talking (on the keyboard).

Oh, and if you don’t know what something is, just ask. Someone will tell you. I will, in full disclosure, admit to having used every one of these at one time or another. Some many, many, many times.






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ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff



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ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff



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ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff



Customer Service: support@woot.com ••• Allow 1-2 business days for response.
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ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff



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ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff



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runjenarun


quality posts: 0 Private Messages runjenarun
ThunderThighs wrote:



Look at you, with your frou-frou drink and your rubber shoes. Do you even know how to fing? That's right, fing. It's what your fingers do. With all that pinching and pawing you do on your fancy computer phone, you've completely forgotten how to fing.

Back in the day, we knew how to fing. Back then, men were men, women were women, and telephones were jungle gyms for your mitts.

Made a mistake halfway through dialing? There is no Backspace bar on this Rotary Phone, because there is no Backspace bar on life. Hang up and start finging all over again. That'll teach you to fing right.

Finally completed dialing? Want to take your call on the road? You can't. But guess what, buddy: Rotary Phone knows best. Because you'll never lose Rotary Phone between the driver's side seat and the center console where you dropped your candy bar last week.

It's not too late to change your ways. Pick up Rotary Phone and teach those coddled claws what real finging looks like.

Rotary Phone comes in black and no other colors. Instructions for use: put on flat surface.

miken927


quality posts: 122 Private Messages miken927

No love for the opaque projector?


------------------
I Bet on Sky

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

miken927 wrote:No love for the opaque projector?



Nice. We were going for office stuff, rather than education. Hence no huge projector.



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ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

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runjenarun wrote:Look at you, with your frou-frou drink and your rubber shoes. Do you even know how to fing? That's right, fing. It's what your fingers do. With all that pinching and pawing you do on your fancy computer phone, you've completely forgotten how to fing.

Back in the day, we knew how to fing. Back then, men were men, women were women, and telephones were jungle gyms for your mitts.

Made a mistake halfway through dialing? There is no Backspace bar on this Rotary Phone, because there is no Backspace bar on life. Hang up and start finging all over again. That'll teach you to fing right.

Finally completed dialing? Want to take your call on the road? You can't. But guess what, buddy: Rotary Phone knows best. Because you'll never lose Rotary Phone between the driver's side seat and the center console where you dropped your candy bar last week.

It's not too late to change your ways. Pick up Rotary Phone and teach those coddled claws what real finging looks like.

Rotary Phone comes in black and no other colors. Instructions for use: put on flat surface.



I loved your write-up and now have a new term to throw at people: fing.

Thanks for playing!



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Moueska


quality posts: 54 Private Messages Moueska

... oh em eff gee. I must figure out which one of these items I would dare to attempt to dishonor on the forums.

;D


edit:

HAH! I just realized that this is probably my one and only acceptable opportunity to make fanfiction for the home.woot characters! Y'know, I probably shouldn't post anything after all.

jrh402s


quality posts: 0 Private Messages jrh402s
ThunderThighs wrote:



Your old office is dark as you creep among the cubicles. Sally. Sue. Jeff. Yes, here was the cubicle where HR Jenny sat making arbitrary decisions about sick day compensation for retiring employees.

Jenny was about to learn that you can't invite someone into the fold and then screw them over. You knew the systems. You knew the codes. Most importantly you knew how to smack the Paymaster just right to get it to punch out a few more checks.

Oh, the wondrous Paymaster 8000. The world of banking was at your very fingertips when that bad girl was writing the checks. It made everyone into lucky Frank Abagnale.

Quickly setting the Paymaster for the disputed amount, you give it the secret tap and it writes a check you'll never have the chance to cash.

A horrible crunching noise emanates from behind your left ear. Lights swirl behind your eyes. Then the world slowly darkens as you slump over the Paymaster 8000.

You have enough life left to flinch as the Paymaster 7000 is dropped next to your face - a bright streak of your blood graces one corner.

HR Jenny sneers, "I told you the check was in the mail."

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 547 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Hey jrh402s, thanks for playing! And you knew what it was. I'm impressed!



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