WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Everybody,

The office network has recently been bombarded with SPAM E-MAILS. These aren't your run-of-the-mill SPAM E-MAILS, folks -- they employ a sophisticated algorithm to prey on individual employees' greatest emotional weaknesses, crafting a hellish pseudo-reality of no escape.

For instance, Dan Margranson received an email from his father, Dan Sr., claiming that he was sorry he never said "I love you," and that he wanted to make up for his emotional detachment by wiring money directly into his son's checking account. SCAM.

In another SPAM E-MAIL, Arianna in sales received an email from "The Child You Never Had," insisting that it was not too late, whatever her doctors might say.  All Arianna had to do to avoid dying alone was invest in a sure-fire Costa Rican real estate venture.

People: This algorithm will GET INSIDE YOUR HEAD, extract your greatest fears and most carnal desire, and use them for ill. To avoid any problems, follow these steps:

  • Take a series of deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth.
  • Think of a time you felt most vulnerable. Was it the moment your parents told you they were splitting up? The loss of a childhood pet? Something far, far, worse that has been relegated to the dark corners of your mind?
  • Focus on that time. Seize it, and face into the crippling powerlessness it evokes.
  • Write down any words that come into your mind during this time. Anything at all. Don't self-edit.
  • Open Outlook's spam settings, and paste these words into the filter list.

Don't forget to send me a copy of this list. For my records.

- Bye -

Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager

davedoy


quality posts: 1 Private Messages davedoy

spammers don't pray on your weakness,
they prey on your weakness.

ware did u go 2 skool?

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

OK. Lessee....

bologna
burros
Mount Rushmore
heavy duty Pampers
Cadillac El Dorado

brrrrrr - just gives me the chills writing them down.

lstaff


quality posts: 202 Private Messages lstaff

Pink Champale


Eggs, Shaving Cream Halloween night


Pregnancy test results


Bleachers


kate31


quality posts: 0 Private Messages kate31

It sounds like all of you have been/are going through a scary, very intense experience. When you believe your inner, hidden anxiety and un-named faceless fear have been directly targeted it can stop you from breathing. Curl up into the fetal position, under your desk.

But you had this great idea, to get it out in the open, share and tell everyone how you feel. It would be of benefit to all your co-workers - get it out of yourself!
Diving into your fear, without help from a guide of some sort, can be both disorienting and risky. We need a solid, trusted presence to help us, bring us back and think about real solutions.

The less attention you pay to these spammers, the more you share and get rid of them, the easier it will become. (If not, please seek help - no one has the right to hurt you!)

Maybe you Woot folks can have a light of day office party ~ and toast yourselves because you are survivors!

PS I am very sorry you have had to endure this. Let's not ask others to scare themselves, but perhaps share a solution to stopping or deleting the spam.

arismella


quality posts: 16 Private Messages arismella

You're in the clear if you don't read Cyrillic, right?

RocketboyX


quality posts: 0 Private Messages RocketboyX

Thanks a lot. It's been a long time since I lost the game, but now, I lost the game.

keeping my string of quality free posts alive