Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

LOS ALAMOS, N.M. (UPI) -- A supercomputer that was once the fastest in the world -- and the first to break a computing speed milestone -- has been retired, U.S. researchers say.

The computer's final act will be to throw out the opening pawn for the Deep Blue vs Deep Fritz match this weekend.

 

Pawn bokeh

 

LONDON (UPI) -- David Tennant and Billie Piper will appear in the 50th anniversary special of "Doctor Who," the BBC reported.

Unfortunately for the new fans, the BBC says they will be playing the Sixth Doctor and Mel.

AUSTIN, Texas (UPI) -- U.S. researchers say bacteria "addicted" to caffeine could be used in areas from decontamination of wastewater to bioproduction of medications.

Existing research hints the bacteria might also be able to eliminate the National Debt, since they'll be likely to pay five bucks a day to keep getting their fix.

 

STARBUCKS COFFEE

 

SHANGHAI (UPI) -- Two Chinese who died from a new strain of bird flu did not contract it from dead pigs pulled from a river that supplied their drinking water, officials say.

Grammarians are all abuzz with the news that this could actually be the big winner at the 2013 Most Horrifying Sentence Awards.

Pawn bokeh from Alan Cleaver and STARBUCKS COFFEE from DeusXFlorida (2,006,995 views) - thanks guys! are used under a Creative Commons License.