It's not often we meet a company that's lower in the alphabet than we are, so when our brothers-in-arms over at Zappos gave us a call on the Subsidiary Hotline and invited us to a doughnut-eating contest, what else could we do but say yes? And so, caution went out into the wind, everyone took off their belts and wore their sweatpants, and both teams ordered in several dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts… each.
Could the hungry Texans at Woot.com defeat the combined forces of Zappos and Amazon Toronto at a doughnut eating contest? After the jump, it's TX vs LV with a little CA on the side! OUR FIRST INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION!!!
We should clear up a point before we start: Canadians are used to training on an entirely different style of doughnut so it was very kind of the Torontoians to risk the Southern-style sugar bomb that is a dozen Krispy Kremes. Never let it be said our neighbors to the North don't rise to every challenge!
On the day of the contest, the feud was at its boiling point. Timers were placed, doughnut boxes were laid, milk and water was made available.
The hungry gladiators entered the Doughnotoriums. Hands were shaken, fists were shaken, glares were exchanged, threats were finalized… and then, it was ON!
The individual styles became clear right from the start. Some, like Team Woot's Mark (above) went for an unorthodox "chop 'n stuff" method. Others, like Team Zappos's Austin (below) added a little taunting to every bite. Because it's true what they say. In competitive eating, 80% of the battle is fought in the mind.
The doughnuts were sweet and the contest was bitter. Even the hungriest can fall before a full box of Krispy Kremes. What sounds like a snack quickly turns into agony. Watch the video below and see how joy can sugar crash into pain.
In the end, 20 was the number to beat. Amazon Toronto had a four way tie of twenty doughnuts each, forcing a sudden death "Who can eat a single doughnut the fastest?" competition to pick the winner. Matt M. proved his endurance and speed, and was crowned the Canadian Champion. Over at Zappos, Ryan A. stole the Desert Cup with another twenty doughnuts (including milk!) and then possibly went out into the Nevada desert to die. Take a look at the standings here and you'll get the idea of how close it was.
But, as you can see, it was the Pac-Man of Woot.com who took home the overall crown. Our dear, sweet Ryan D. ate twenty-two doughnuts to lock down the prize and a 60% chance of a major medical situation. Well done, Ryan! We raise a doughnut to your achievement!
And well done to all our doughnut loving madmen, now joined together in a brotherhood that few of us will ever know. Best of luck at the gym next week, everyone. We're calculating you ate about 4000 calories each.
Some photos courtesy of Jia Tse over at Team Zappos. Thanks for sharing, Jia! All others from Woot's own Kenley Adams and video legend Zach Scott.