Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

SAN RAFAEL, Calif. (UPI) -- Authorities in California said rescuers used a crane to pull a horse from a well filled with 20 feet of water.

Although the horse did drink some of the water while trapped, it was only with the understanding that it wasn't being forced to do so.

 

Slurp

 

CAIRO (UPI) -- The parents of a 15-year-old Chinese tourist have issued an apology for their son who wrote graffiti on a stone sculpture in an ancient Egyptian temple.

Fortunately for the young man, his parents had chosen that day to visit The Tomb Of The Lazy And Quite Forgiving Mummy.

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- Entomologists say a newly identified butterfly in Texas may be the last truly distinctive butterfly species left to be discovered in the United States.

Insiders say this announcement has caused a split in the community, leading to one group of entomology hipsters who claim the field is dead, as well as an entomology retro movement, already planning a outdoor summer festival tour.

 

butterfly

 

NEW YORK (UPI) -- The addiction-themed U.S. reality television series "Intervention" is wrapping up after 13 seasons, A&E announced Thursday.

Insiders say the show originally had no plans to stop, but its family sat it down and begged it to take a good hard look at what it was doing to itself.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- The sister of a Chinese diplomat was caught shoplifting at Macy's in New York, the New York Post reports.

Journalists say the event is already leading the pack in the annual "Headline Most Likely To Be Just A Lou Reed Lyric" competition.

Slurp from Kyknoord and butterfly from Emmett Tullos are used under a Creative Commons License.