quality posts: 16 Private Messages WootBot


You guys, I have an addiction. I'm addicted to puns. I need them. I can't get enough of them. I HUNGER FOR THEM. That's why I've set up this weekly blog feature: so you guys can feed my addiction. Every week, I'll name the topic, give you some examples, and then you'll pun away in the comments, on Facebook, or on Twitter. I'll choose the best ones and post them here next week. Sound good? Good! Let's do it!

THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: Math in the Kitchen

We're doing a pretty mathy Woot-Off right now, so I figured, why not get a little mathy in the pun post too? Except it's not just math. It's mathematical kitchen stuff. Check it:

  • Aluminum F.O.I.L.
  • Multiplikitchen Table
  • Long DiviShun Knives

Your turn! Holla at me in the comments, and I'll holla at my favez nezt week! (That's how mathematicians talk, right?)

Last Time's Winner (Sci-Fi Farms): Cattlecar Galactica from MOS95B.

Other Favorites: 2001: A Space Oat-essy from stevepom546, and Steer Trek III: The Search for Livestock from pun post hall-of-famer SQUITODEA.


quality posts: 1 Private Messages cooljmy10

I really like confectionery ovens, but I'm torn between a (0 < gas < 1) or a (0 < electric < 1)


quality posts: 0 Private Messages mickeygoldsmith

What about a nice full serial bowl?


quality posts: 0 Private Messages toolhedtim

Please Excuse My Dead Antelope Steak


quality posts: 0 Private Messages mfulls

deriving a kitchen pun is as simple as integrating a catchy mathematical term and multiplying (or adding) it with a kitchen term, and that about sums it up.


quality posts: 28 Private Messages Jertyrael

1) Refrigenometry

2) Obesity: Kitchen Addition

3) Vanilla Subtract

"Woot and all our various sites will continue to be an independently operated company full of horrible, useless products and an untalented jerkface writing staff, same as it ever was." -- Matt Rutledge


quality posts: 2 Private Messages lalaith

Obvious to me because I actually own one: Pi plate!


quality posts: 0 Private Messages howdoesth

While scrambling some eggs, I spilled a little and wiped it up with a sponge. I didn't wring it out, though, so when I found it a week later it was covered in an eggspongential growth.


quality posts: 32 Private Messages ThatPoshGirl


Karp reduction sauce

Cartesian plane grater



quality posts: 0 Private Messages howdoesth

Did you hear about the new yeast that only rises when you place it in a ferromagnetic pan over range with a copper coil that generates an oscillating magnetic field? They call it proof-by-induction.


quality posts: 1 Private Messages davidmcgill

SIN(gerine) / COS(gerine) = TAN(gerine)


quality posts: 2 Private Messages Vulpecula

Ice Cubed


quality posts: 14 Private Messages benjaminleebates

-Cubed Steak, that's steak to the third power...
-Square root of Pi, would be sweet potato pie, with the sweet potato diced to precision.


quality posts: 20 Private Messages Linad

Ate a tangerine and put the dishes in the sink cos they were dirty.


quality posts: 0 Private Messages marioneil


Sprouts in a predictable sequence, illustrating the golden ratio in nature.


quality posts: 4 Private Messages fractalVisionz

4 Digit Precision Degree Measuring thermometer.
Percolation Théry (French tea)
Sheaf knife
Knife Set
Prime Stove
Pi server
Pi Bisector (Pie Bird)
Sieve strainer
Pitato Mathsher
Klein Bottle Opener (impossible!)
Lemonomial Peeler


quality posts: 3895 Private Messages lichme

Lemon Scented Solvent
Refrigerator Mag-Net Loss Calculator
Vertical Shrink Wrap

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Warning: Too much awesome to be contained in such a small space


quality posts: 260 Private Messages barkwoot

Disharential Calculus


quality posts: 1 Private Messages ljfnord

Confractioner's Sugar
Boil Slaw (of after-dinner gas)
Gluten-fibonacci sequence


quality posts: 16 Private Messages kcostell

Bob was a trainee chef who finally got his big break one day working in the personal kitchen of Liberace. Now this wasn't an easy task, and not just because of the pressure for working for a big star like Liberace. You see, Liberace liked everything to be shiny. Not just sparking, but blinding.

Bob's boss tried to warn him about that. But Bob with his Cordon Bleu degree and the confidence of a man in his 20's brushed off the warnings, saying he could handle it.

And at first, it went great. Mashed potatoes, not a problem. The green beans had one rough moment, but he shaded his eyes in time and avoided trouble. But then came the stew.

It was a massive stew, in a tureen nearly a foot tall. Even before he started cooking Bob started wishing he had sunglasses. And everything just got worse once the pot started heating up. An older, wiser man might have asked for help at this point, but not Bob. And sure enough, as he went to move the tureen a stray gleam of light blinded him, and he ended up knocking the whole thing over and ruining Liberace's dinner.

Bob tried to explain himself, but was out of a job soon afterwards. As he left, the words of the master chef rang in his ears:

"You fool! Didn't you listen when I told you that the glare from the high pot in use was equal to the sum of the glares from the other two sides?"


quality posts: 3 Private Messages Pamini

Combining math and statistics:
Pi a la mode


quality posts: 9 Private Messages migelito

Fibonacho Fibonacheese
Mathematical spices: SINnamon, parse-ly, Descartes-amom

if your food is contaminated you might die of parEbola


quality posts: 260 Private Messages barkwoot



quality posts: 8 Private Messages jcolag

The Inte-grill - it'll work as long as you don't forget to add the c-salt.
You could probably also use a Meat Ten-deriver.

There are also the picky people who dither about food-to-sauce ratios who want to watch their Bernaise Distribution.


quality posts: 3 Private Messages Pamini

Avocado's number
grease trapezoid
suppermentary angles
temperature probability
kitchen scalene triangle


quality posts: 1 Private Messages johnnyicemaker

Pi Cooling Rack
box and WHISKer plot
PIE WEIGHTed Average
SCALE factor
SCALEne Triangle
egg Shell Method
food Descartes'
Avogadough's Number
DISHerential equation


quality posts: 260 Private Messages barkwoot

Phasey Susan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages megmitch86

Centrifugal borscht.


quality posts: 260 Private Messages barkwoot

Isaltolese triangle


quality posts: 1 Private Messages SQUITODEATHPILLS

The Mrs. Field's Medal for outstanding culinary mathematical achievement