hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev
maxikyd wrote:I can't help it if other people don't get the connections that I do.

The person below me doesn't really understand this game, but is willing to try anyway.



The person above me has a highly evolved sense of humor and tells jokes like "A priest, a lawyer, and a chicken walk into a bar..."

Wait, I'm supposed to say "the person BELOW me"? What? I'm new here, please excuse my ignorance.

The person below me will share the recipe for his/her signature drink...the famous Amish cocktail "The Bloody Double Distelfink".

manhandsha


quality posts: 37 Private Messages manhandsha

Staff

hot72chev wrote:The person above me has a highly evolved sense of humor and tells jokes like "A priest, a lawyer, and a chicken walk into a bar..."

Wait, I'm supposed to say "the person BELOW me"? What? I'm new here, please excuse my ignorance.

The person below me will share the recipe for his/her signature drink...the famous Amish cocktail "The Bloody Double Distelfink".



In a shaker:
1oz vodka
1oz gin
1/2oz triple sec
Blood from as many distelfinks as you can find.

Shake with ice, pour into a chilled (this prevents curdling) glass with crushed ice, use a leftover feather to garnish.

The person below me will actually try the above recipe, after they find out what distelfinks are.

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Moueska


quality posts: 54 Private Messages Moueska

Absolutely! Now... A Distelfink... where would I find...

hmmm...


/calls the person below me

"Hi! I heard you were a professor in Defense against the Dark Arts. Help me capture a Distelfink, won't you, ol' chap?"

olcubmaster


quality posts: 30 Private Messages olcubmaster
Moueska wrote:Absolutely! Now... A Distelfink... where would I find...

hmmm...


/calls the person below me

"Hi! I heard you were a professor in Defense against the Dark Arts. Help me capture a Distelfink, won't you, ol' chap?"



Most certainly - except my degree is in Defense against the Dark ANTS, not arts. Can't do a thing about the red ones though. Particularly nasty bunch those red ones are. Blacks ants, not so much. A little spray and they're gone.

As for the Distelfink, a cup of thistle seeds and a butterfly net and we're all set.

While not a Distelfink, the person below me has some interesting observations about Sparrows.

Sugar 'em up and send 'em home

stacipurv


quality posts: 3 Private Messages stacipurv
olcubmaster wrote:Most certainly - except my degree is in Defense against the Dark ANTS, not arts. Can't do a thing about the red ones though. Particularly nasty bunch those red ones are. Blacks ants, not so much. A little spray and they're gone.

As for the Distelfink, a cup of thistle seeds and a butterfly net and we're all set.

While not a Distelfink, the person below me has some interesting observations about Sparrows.



Captain Jack Sparrow, anyway. Whatever happened to those Extreme Makeover shows? Don't you think he's the perfect candidate? I mean a bath, sure. But get him a good cosmetic dentist, a haircut, stylist, an etiquette & diction coach... I truly believe he could be a regular Rick Santorum.

The person below me peddles his/her homemade goat's-milk soap - made with 100% pure artificial goat's milk.

maxikyd


quality posts: 6 Private Messages maxikyd
stacipurv wrote:Captain Jack Sparrow, anyway. Whatever happened to those Extreme Makeover shows? Don't you think he's the perfect candidate? I mean a bath, sure. But get him a good cosmetic dentist, a haircut, stylist, an etiquette & diction coach... I truly believe he could be a regular Rick Santorum.

The person below me peddles his/her homemade goat's-milk soap - made with 100% pure artificial goat's milk.



As a matter of fact it's 100% real GENUINE pure artificial goat's milk. I just sold a case of it to Captain Jack Sparrow. After all the layers of gunk were peeled off, he looked like Officer Tom Hansen from the TV show 21 Jump Street.

The person below me isn't familiar with the TV show, just the 2012 movie the studio made when it couldn't come up with anything new, so he/she will now go to IMDB.com to look it up.

manhandsha


quality posts: 37 Private Messages manhandsha

Staff

maxikyd wrote:As a matter of fact it's 100% real GENUINE pure artificial goat's milk. I just sold a case of it to Captain Jack Sparrow. After all the layers of gunk were peeled off, he looked like Officer Tom Hansen from the TV show 21 Jump Street.

The person below me isn't familiar with the TV show, just the 2012 movie the studio made when it couldn't come up with anything new, so he/she will now go to IMDB.com to look it up.



Good thing I have an IMDB Pro account!

The person below me has been trying to win the Miss America title for several years.

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pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
manhandsha wrote:Good thing I have an IMDB Pro account!

The person below me has been trying to win the Miss America title for several years.



Several? Ha! I'm now going for Senior Miss America. Might have a chance.

The person below me has a refrigerator that's so plastered with Post-it notes, it's hard to find the handle.



When I was a kid I wanted to be older, this CRAP is NOT what I expected.

stacipurv


quality posts: 3 Private Messages stacipurv
pooflady wrote:Several? Ha! I'm now going for Senior Miss America. Might have a chance.

The person below me has a refrigerator that's so plastered with Post-it notes, it's hard to find the handle.



The sticky-note system is a way of life. Pretty sure everything in there is from the dark ages anyway.

The person below me sniffs nail polish remover.

hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev
stacipurv wrote:The sticky-note system is a way of life. Pretty sure everything in there is from the dark ages anyway.

The person below me sniffs nail polish remover.



Only for medicinal purposes or on special occasions.

The person below me will ask a trick question.

maxikyd


quality posts: 6 Private Messages maxikyd
hot72chev wrote:Only for medicinal purposes or on special occasions.

The person below me will ask a trick question.



How did David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear?

The person below me has seen the Three Tenors in concert three times.

olcubmaster


quality posts: 30 Private Messages olcubmaster
maxikyd wrote:How did David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear?

The person below me has seen the Three Tenors in concert three times.



Actually, it was just one tenor in concert nine times. But when it comes to Irish tenor Anthony Kearns nine times is still not enough. No kidding.

The person below me has been know to cheat at Connect Four

Sugar 'em up and send 'em home

KtCallista


quality posts: 33 Private Messages KtCallista
olcubmaster wrote:Actually, it was just one tenor in concert nine times. But when it comes to Irish tenor Anthony Kearns nine times is still not enough. No kidding.

The person below me has been know to cheat at Connect Four



Don't tell my sister she has enough childhood trauma!

The person below me prefers talking to people on the computer to in person, any day of the week.

___________________________________________________________________
Paper Napkins on the Edge of Insanity

You can call me Goddess, that's fine.

hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev

Neither - I'm a card carrying member of the Anti-Social Network. I don't care what you are doing, and I don't want you to know what I'm doing.

The person below me never cuts his/her hair.

stacipurv


quality posts: 3 Private Messages stacipurv
hot72chev wrote:Neither - I'm a card carrying member of the Anti-Social Network. I don't care what you are doing, and I don't want you to know what I'm doing.

The person below me never cuts his/her hair.



Don't have to. I've been bald since 6th grade.

The person below me makes change in 7 cent increments.

olcubmaster


quality posts: 30 Private Messages olcubmaster
stacipurv wrote:Don't have to. I've been bald since 6th grade.

The person below me makes change in 7 cent increments.



Yes I do, and let me tell you it's not easy. Now what would make it easier would be if we had a 7 cent nickel.

As Groucho once pointed out, "The nickel today is not what it was fifteen years ago. Do you know what this country needs today? A seven-cent nickel. Yessiree, we've been using the five-cent nickel in this country since 1492. Now that's pretty near a hundred years' daylight saving. Now, why not give the seven-cent nickel a chance? If that works out, next year we could have an eight-cent nickel. Think what that would mean. You could go to a newsstand, buy a three-cent newspaper and get the same nickel back again. One nickel carefully used would last a family a lifetime."

The person below me gave up reading halfway through this posting and and began daydreaming about unicorns. Again.

Sugar 'em up and send 'em home

manhandsha


quality posts: 37 Private Messages manhandsha

Staff

olcubmaster wrote:Yes I do, and let me tell you it's not easy. Now what would make it easier would be if we had a 7 cent nickel.

As Groucho once pointed out, "The nickel today is not what it was fifteen years ago. Do you know what this country needs today? A seven-cent nickel. Yessiree, we've been using the five-cent nickel in this country since 1492. Now that's pretty near a hundred years' daylight saving. Now, why not give the seven-cent nickel a chance? If that works out, next year we could have an eight-cent nickel. Think what that would mean. You could go to a newsstand, buy a three-cent newspaper and get the same nickel back again. One nickel carefully used would last a family a lifetime."

The person below me gave up reading halfway through this posting and and began daydreaming about unicorns. Again.




Who DOESN'T daydream about unicorns?

The person below me has a secret collection of cookie jars.

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KtCallista


quality posts: 33 Private Messages KtCallista
manhandsha wrote:
Who DOESN'T daydream about unicorns?

The person below me has a secret collection of cookie jars.



It wasn't planned like that, people just keep giving them to me!


The person below me is missing something right now and it's really driving them nuts that they can't find it, again.

___________________________________________________________________
Paper Napkins on the Edge of Insanity

You can call me Goddess, that's fine.

maxikyd


quality posts: 6 Private Messages maxikyd
KtCallista wrote:It wasn't planned like that, people just keep giving them to me!


The person below me is missing something right now and it's really driving them nuts that they can't find it, again.



And if you know where the danged keys are, please tell me.

The person below me thinks Harry Potter is a gardener with a hirsute problem.

stacipurv


quality posts: 3 Private Messages stacipurv
maxikyd wrote:And if you know where the danged keys are, please tell me.

The person below me thinks Harry Potter is a gardener with a hirsute problem.



I mean, REALLY! People will just watch ANYTHING these days. What happened to quality television like Sanford & Son?!?!

The person below me has a pretty l-a-m-e excuse for why he/she didn't wear shoes to work today.

side note: that word is hyphenated because the Wootbot changed it to "pop quiz".

olcubmaster


quality posts: 30 Private Messages olcubmaster
stacipurv wrote:I mean, REALLY! People will just watch ANYTHING these days. What happened to quality television like Sanford & Son?!?!

The person below me has a pretty l-a-m-e excuse for why he/she didn't wear shoes to work today.

side note: that word is hyphenated because the Wootbot changed it to "pop quiz".



With all due respect being l-a-m-e is a perfectly valid reason to shun footwear.

The person below me is now preparing a pop quiz on words that trigger the wootbot filter.

Sugar 'em up and send 'em home

hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev
olcubmaster wrote:With all due respect being l-a-m-e is a perfectly valid reason to shun footwear.

The person below me is now preparing a pop quiz on words that trigger the wootbot filter.



Oh yeah? Well you bunch of pop quizzing pop quizzers can just go pop quiz yourselves with a pop quizzy pop quiz!

The person below me will reveal what he/she MacGyvered from two feet of twine, a screwdriver, a hat pin, and a hard boiled egg.

jawsuser


quality posts: 4 Private Messages jawsuser
hot72chev wrote:Oh yeah? Well you bunch of pop quizzing pop quizzers can just go pop quiz yourselves with a pop quizzy pop quiz!

The person below me will reveal what he/she MacGyvered from two feet of twine, a screwdriver, a hat pin, and a hard boiled egg.



We had this baby gator stuck in a pipe. Knowing how much they like hard boiled eggs I used the hat pin to start a hole and the screwdriver to enlarge it enough to put the twine through and around the hard boiled egg. Then
using the screwdriver to hold the twine end outside the pipe I carefully lowered the boiled egg to the baby gator. Once he got hold of the egg I pulled him out quick. I then used the hat pin to stick the end of his tail so he opened his mouth and I got the twine out. He is safety swimming back in the big pond with the rest of the gators.

The person below me is crazy about the colors green and purple together and will give us their latest tip for decorating with these lovely colors.

hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev
jawsuser wrote:We had this baby gator stuck in a pipe. Knowing how much they like hard boiled eggs I used the hat pin to start a hole and the screwdriver to enlarge it enough to put the twine through and around the hard boiled egg. Then
using the screwdriver to hold the twine end outside the pipe I carefully lowered the boiled egg to the baby gator. Once he got hold of the egg I pulled him out quick. I then used the hat pin to stick the end of his tail so he opened his mouth and I got the twine out. He is safety swimming back in the big pond with the rest of the gators.

The person below me is crazy about the colors green and purple together and will give us their latest tip for decorating with these lovely colors.


At my house, it's Mardi Gras every day! Throw green pillows on the purple sofa and the room practially tosses beads at me!

The person below me had pork rinds and a bottle of Pinot Grigio for breakfast.

stacipurv


quality posts: 3 Private Messages stacipurv
hot72chev wrote:At my house, it's Mardi Gras every day! Throw green pillows on the purple sofa and the room practially tosses beads at me!

The person below me had pork rinds and a bottle of Pinot Grigio for breakfast.



What are you, the Breakfast Police? I'll have you know that particular brand (of pork rind) has 1% of the US RDA (that's recommended daily allowance) of riboflavin.

The person below me has a great joke about a tape-dispenser & a bus driver walking into a bar.

maxikyd


quality posts: 6 Private Messages maxikyd
stacipurv wrote:What are you, the Breakfast Police? I'll have you know that particular brand (of pork rind) has 1% of the US RDA (that's recommended daily allowance) of riboflavin.

The person below me has a great joke about a tape-dispenser & a bus driver walking into a bar.



A tape dispenser and a bus driver walk into a bar. After about an hour, the bus driver says, "I'm bored. Let's go somewhere else, this is just a paper-clip joint." But the tape dispenser, who was busy chatting up the female guitar player in the rubber band, said, "No way. I think I'll stick around." So the bus driver left alone and was run over by a taxi, which is ironic when you really think about it.

The person below me is trying to

1. figure out if this joke is actually funny.
2. trying to determine if there was, in fact, any irony to be found.

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
maxikyd wrote:A tape dispenser and a bus driver walk into a bar. After about an hour, the bus driver says, "I'm bored. Let's go somewhere else, this is just a paper-clip joint." But the tape dispenser, who was busy chatting up the female guitar player in the rubber band, said, "No way. I think I'll stick around." So the bus driver left alone and was run over by a taxi, which is ironic when you really think about it.

The person below me is trying to

1. figure out if this joke is actually funny.
2. trying to determine if there was, in fact, any irony to be found.



Didn't think it was funny and not only couldn't I find any irony, I could find any wrinkly either.

The person below me keeps trying to find a place in his/her PC to put a floppy disk.



When I was a kid I wanted to be older, this CRAP is NOT what I expected.

hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev
pooflady wrote:Didn't think it was funny and not only couldn't I find any irony, I could find any wrinkly either.

The person below me keeps trying to find a place in his/her PC to put a floppy disk.



My PC is so old, it still HAS a place for the ancient floppy. I refused to be dragged into the 21st century.

The person below me once set off a series of unimaginable events with a single word.

maxikyd


quality posts: 6 Private Messages maxikyd
hot72chev wrote:My PC is so old, it still HAS a place for the ancient floppy. I refused to be dragged into the 21st century.

The person below me once set off a series of unimaginable events with a single word.



I never believed for a moment that such a simple word could cause so much mayhem; I mean, after all, it's just one silly word; it's not like I talked for an hour before everything happened, but I suppose it's all for the best, you know, and, now that it's all over, things are really so much better; right?


The person below me saved his/her tonsils in a jar.

manhandsha


quality posts: 37 Private Messages manhandsha

Staff

maxikyd wrote:I never believed for a moment that such a simple word could cause so much mayhem; I mean, after all, it's just one silly word; it's not like I talked for an hour before everything happened, but I suppose it's all for the best, you know, and, now that it's all over, things are really so much better; right?


The person below me saved his/her tonsils in a jar.



I was so young when I had them removed. I always wondered what that weird jar in my room was about....

The person below me bought a metric ton of candy corn the day after Halloween last year.

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maxikyd


quality posts: 6 Private Messages maxikyd
manhandsha wrote:I was so young when I had them removed. I always wondered what that weird jar in my room was about....

The person below me bought a metric ton of candy corn the day after Halloween last year.



And they're great in the Christmas stockings, New Year's poppers, Easter baskets, Cinco de Mayo piñatas...

The person below me is pretends to despise Barney, but has a secret stash of old videos in the closet.

petepappa


quality posts: 0 Private Messages petepappa
maxikyd wrote:And they're great in the Christmas stockings, New Year's poppers, Easter baskets, Cinco de Mayo piñatas...

The person below me is pretends to despise Barney, but has a secret stash of old videos in the closet.



To be fair, the videos have nothing to do with Barney...but they will definitely be staying in the closet.

The person below me is about to share the only pickup line in the world that has never failed to work

olcubmaster


quality posts: 30 Private Messages olcubmaster
petepappa wrote:To be fair, the videos have nothing to do with Barney...but they will definitely be staying in the closet.

The person below me is about to share the only pickup line in the world that has never failed to work



"You're under arrest. Put your hands behind you and spread your feet."

Your mileage may vary. And you may find out that later one or more officers will use it on you.

I didn't say it was a good line - just effective.

The person below me discovered a new species.

Sugar 'em up and send 'em home

KtCallista


quality posts: 33 Private Messages KtCallista
olcubmaster wrote:"You're under arrest. Put your hands behind you and spread your feet."

Your mileage may vary. And you may find out that later one or more officers will use it on you.

I didn't say it was a good line - just effective.

The person below me discovered a new species.



It was in the school cafeteria and apparently the secretary found it today while she was prepping the school for students to return, so it's probably an extinct species.

(still very cool news about the new mammal.)

The person below me has a very strong opinion about coordinating underwear.

___________________________________________________________________
Paper Napkins on the Edge of Insanity

You can call me Goddess, that's fine.

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
KtCallista wrote:It was in the school cafeteria and apparently the secretary found it today while she was prepping the school for students to return, so it's probably an extinct species.

(still very cool news about the new mammal.)


Not only do the colors and shades have to match exactly, but Monday's panties had darn well better be worn on Monday, and so on.

The person below me has stashes of chocolate hidden in every room in the house.





When I was a kid I wanted to be older, this CRAP is NOT what I expected.

manhandsha


quality posts: 37 Private Messages manhandsha

Staff

pooflady wrote:



You never know when you'll need a chocolate fix!

The person below me only wears toe socks.

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hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev
manhandsha wrote:You never know when you'll need a chocolate fix!

The person below me only wears toe socks.



Of course, each little piggie needs his own coat.

The person below me will tell an epic Knock Knock joke.

maxikyd


quality posts: 6 Private Messages maxikyd
hot72chev wrote:Of course, each little piggie needs his own coat.

The person below me will tell an epic Knock Knock joke.



a. Knock-knock
b. Who's there?
a. Ether
b. Ether who?
a. Ether bunny. Knock-knock
b. Who's there?
a. Nuther.
b. Nuther who?
a. Nuther ether bunny. Knock-knock.
b. Who's there?
a. Stilmore.
b. Stilmore who?
a. Stilmore ether bunnies. Knock-knock.
b. (sighing) Who's there?
a. Cargo.
b. Cargo who?
a. Car go beep-beep and run over all the ether bunnies. Knock-knock.
b. (frustrated) WHO'S THERE!
a. Boo hoo.
b. Boo hoo who?
a. Aw, don't cry. All the ether bunnies will be back next year.

the person below me will repeat this joke to everyone he/she meets for the next week.

hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev
maxikyd wrote:a. Knock-knock
b. Who's there?
a. Ether
b. Ether who?
a. Ether bunny. Knock-knock
b. Who's there?
a. Nuther.
b. Nuther who?
a. Nuther ether bunny. Knock-knock.
b. Who's there?
a. Stilmore.
b. Stilmore who?
a. Stilmore ether bunnies. Knock-knock.
b. (sighing) Who's there?
a. Cargo.
b. Cargo who?
a. Car go beep-beep and run over all the ether bunnies. Knock-knock.
b. (frustrated) WHO'S THERE!
a. Boo hoo.
b. Boo hoo who?
a. Aw, don't cry. All the ether bunnies will be back next year.

the person below me will repeat this joke to everyone he/she meets for the next week.



I WILL repeat this joke, no kidding, because my Dad and I used to do this joke as a routine when I was a little girl! Thanks for the memories!

The person below me will speak as if he/she has had a large shot of Truth Serum.

manhandsha


quality posts: 37 Private Messages manhandsha

Staff

hot72chev wrote:I WILL repeat this joke, no kidding, because my Dad and I used to do this joke as a routine when I was a little girl! Thanks for the memories!

The person below me will speak as if he/she has had a large shot of Truth Serum.



I consider chocolate milk to be in a food group of its own.

The person below me had their hair cut into a mullet. On purpose. As an adult.

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