Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

WARRENTON, N.C. (UPI) -- A North Carolina judge says a woman convicted of resisting a public officer and being intoxicated and disruptive must write an essay on being a lady.

Highlights are expected to include hating Siamese cats and the proper technique for eating spaghetti on a date.

 

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WINNIPEG, Manitoba (UPI) -- A Canadian cat was recovering Saturday after being shot with an air rifle, but its owner said it would have been worse if not for its fat belly.

This dark and gritty story will soon be told in full as part of the Mark Millar scripted reboot of the Garfield franchise.

EDINBURGH, Scotland (UPI) -- An Edinburgh, Scotland, boutique offers a course in anthropomorphic taxidermy, the art of displaying stuffed mice in costumes, the teacher said.

At last, an Etsy store you could be proud of!

 

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LONDON (UPI) -- Britain's Royal Mint said babies born on the same date as the child of Prince William and his wife, Kate, will be presented with special silver pennies.

However, babies who are cuter than the child of Prince William will immediately be locked in a tower... for life.

DSC01613 from librarianishish and angle two from Jhayne are used under a Creative Commons License.